India Trip 2008 - A Summary

Have you ever done something, and then after the fact looked back and said "Why?" Well, unfortunately, that describes much of our India trip this time for me. Here's my confession.

We had some good times, and it was great to see my inlaws and spend time with Narasimha away from work and enjoying himself. However, for many reasons which I won't go into here, the trip was not really all that relaxing and proved to be almost more stressful probably than just staying home. By the end of the trip I thought, "I need a vacation!"

It's disappointing for me to look back and remember how I handled many of the situations that arose. Maybe some of them were out of my control, but that's somewhat irrelevant. There were times that I was ungracious, unloving, unthankful, and the list goes on and on. I am truly sorry for the way things turned out (and think I have apologized to all of the people involved). The worst part of all of this is that I fear that any Christian influence I had in the lives of many people I care deeply about (and people who have varying relationships with Christ) is probably ruined, or at least badly tainted. I profess to love Jesus, and then I go act like that - ouch.

There were good times, as you can see by the pictures I added. And, luckily, my memory of the bad times is fading, and as I look at all of the pictures of the trip, I remember mostly good things because we are smiling in all of the pictures.

So, as hazy as this post is, after a week and a half of thinking and processing the events that took place, I just wanted to report that I screwed up, and I fear more dire consequences than a wasted vacation.

I heard this song by Michael W. Smith the other day on the radio (I have heard it many times before as well) and it really hit home in light of many things that happened during the month of January thousands of miles away from where I sit right now.

Never Been Unloved
I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful

I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I have been undesirable

And sometimes I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of You
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And I have been unapproachable

I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware
I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

It's because of You
And all that You went through
I know that I have never been unloved

How true the words of this song are, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say everyone who reads this post has felt this way at some point. It makes me feel better to know, especially right now, that God doesn't love me for who I am or what I do, but when God sees me, He sees Jesus as my intercessor. This has been a truly humbling experience.

More Pictures - Hyderabad

Some fun from our time in Hyderabad.

The first day we were there. We brought the kids markers as gifts, so my sister and I colored with them.

Me learning how to ride the motor bike, with my brother-in-law and nephew and niece trying to keep up and make sure I don't crash (which I almost did :)

All of us on a boat, in a lake in Hyderabad called Hussein Sagar. We were going by boat out to the middle of the lake to see a giant Buddha statue.

All of us, in front of the giant Buddha statue. This is the largest monolithic (single-stone) Buddha in the whole world.

Shopping for pottery at an open-air market.

3 girls, at Golconda Fort.

Some of Hyderabad from the top of Golconda Fort.

Narasimha and his brother at Golconda Fort.

One of Hyderabad's most famous structures. It's called Charminar, and is in the Muslim part of town. It looks nice lit up at night.

More Pictures - Hyderabad, Part 2

Continued...

In the part of town by Charminar - we are at a small (and fairly dirty) food shop, and Narasimha wanted to try his luck at not getting sick and eat a real, authentic Hyderabadi lassi. After this, he had another because it was so good. And he hasn't died yet :)

The night we went out to eat at our reception place - the Indians (Narasimha's dad and mom, his brother, him, and his brother's kids).

A few hours before we left - Narasimha playing with our niece.

And what good is it without someone to race? Now 2 brothers with 2 kids.

My mother-in-law :) She's so sweet and a lot of fun to be with, especially when we can understand each other.

We girls decided to each buy rings to commemorate our time in India. Mine is on the bottom - it's silver and blue topaz, and I got it in Northern India. My sister's is top right, and hers is silver with many small stones of different colors - also from North India. Her friend bought hers in Hyderabad, and is silver with something navy or deep purple.

Gifts I got from my inlaws while there. My mother-in-law gave me the saree. My father-in-law gave me money, and I bought a ring (see below). My brother in law gave me money also, and I picked a nice string of pearls and a white pashmina shawl.

My ring, from my father-in-law. It is white gold and diamonds.

Our souvenirs (not including the gifts we bought for others - wouldn't want to ruin the surprise :)

More Pictures - North India

I can't seem to narrow down the pics as far as I'd like, so I will just post a lot :) North India will come today, and I'll do some extras from our time in Hyderabad tomorrow. Enjoy :)

Narasimha and I riding in the back of an auto rickshaw ("auto") - I had to sit on him because the girls were with us and it was tight :)

An open-air fish shop that we walked by in Delhi

Three girls from the top of a minna (or tower) at a mosque in Delhi - we were probably 10-15 stories up, and you can kinda see out in the background.

Narasimha and I enjoying a lassi (yogurt drink) at a restaurant in Delhi - these are the greatest!

3 girls in our open-air jeep, going toward our lodge in the tiger sanctuary. It was only probably 50 degrees (F) - and with the open top and movement, that feels chilly

A paw print of a REAL tiger - though we didn't see the tiger, we knew where it was from the warning calls of all the animals around us. We came close to seeing 3 tigers during our day or so in the sanctuary (yikes!).

Us getting on our elephant the morning of our safari - her (the elephant's) name was Lakshma.

The dense forest we saw and trekked through during our elephant safari. It was really cool.

The watchtower we stayed on for 2 hours out all by ourselves in the forest (or jungle, or whatever it was). It was probably 4 stories high, and when our driver left, he said to come down before he came back "at our own risk." We were technically looking for tigers, which we didn't see, but we did see wild boars, like a million birds, crocodiles and alligators, deer, and monkeys. Actually, one monkey climbed the tower and tried to steal my purse (not kidding).

More Pictures - North India, Part 2

Continued...

The view from the top of the watchtower (see last picture of previous post).

Narasimha and I looking at an astronomy and astrology thing in Jaipur - there were some pretty cool things here.

I was going to wave to the girls from this hallway so they could take a pic. Turns out the wall was higher than I thought, but we still made the shot (and then my sister's friend came over to take a pic of how we got the shot :) - at a fort in Jaipur.

Me walking through a very small doorway at a castle in Jaipur.

Some snake charmers (and real snakes) on the street in Jaipur.

Girls shopping in Jaipur - my sister went a little pillowcase crazy on this trip, and this store was where the frenzy started.

Have you ever been in a traffic jam, not in a zoo, and looked over and saw an elephant beside you? :)

Narasimha and I on the "Diana Bench" - named for Princess Diana - at the Taj Mahal.

The final resting place of Mahatma Gandhi, in Delhi.

Feels Good to be Home...

But boy, is it ever cold here! We traveled from Hyderabad without problems. Our first flight to Amsterdam was right around 10 hours, we had about 1 hour layover, and our second flight to Chicago was around 8 or so hours. My parents picked us up in Chicago, which was really nice of them so we didn't have to worry about being able to stay awake to drive all the way back to Iowa. I was so happy to see all the dogs, and they seemed happy to see us too :) Now the name of the game will be laundry, paperwork, and all the stuff I should have done before we left but didn't have a chance to. I am so excited to go to volleyball practice again, and get back in the regular routine of things. Of course we had a great time, and miss Narasimha's family when we don't get to see them for so long, but there's nothing like getting back and sleeping in your own bed! I will try to post more of our pictures sometime this week.

Mehendi and Sarees - "Real" Indian Women

This morning we got up fairly early so we could get the Indian art "mehendi" (or "henna") drawn on our hands and feet. There are women who learn how to do this and it truly is an art - they use no pattern other than what's in their head. It took the girl about 3.5 hours to do mine alone, and then maybe 45 mins or so for each of the girls. You can kind-of tell them what you want, but with the language gap and translators, you are basically at their mercy :) Mine turned out well I thought. I have one hand that is fully done, and one with some spaces open. On one ankle I have almost a tattoo look, and then the other foot is fairly full. I have gotten it done the other two times I have been here before, but I think I like the final product this time the best out of my 3 tries. The girl was a little slow in application I thought, but she was quite detail-oriented and artistic. To my knowledge it doesn't have any religious ties, unless you had like a god drawn on or something. Basically, Indian women are the most decorated people I have ever seen, and this is just another way they do it. It was fun. It goes on like puffy-paint, and then you let it dry and sit for a while and wash it off. It stays for a few weeks.

Me getting my mehendi applied

Patiently waiting, and trying not to touch anything :)

My hands

Again...

My right ankle - my other foot is done too, and you can kinda see it in the second picture above.

...

Then this evening we all went out to eat at the same place Narasimha and I had our wedding reception at 3.5 years ago. We three American girls all dressed in sarees - traditional Indian woman dress. They are tough to put on and even tougher to wear if you are planning on moving around at all. It just isn't anything we in the US would be used to. But they are beautiful, and come in all sorts of colors and patterns. The girls borrowed some that I have from my last trip in 2005, and I wore one that my mother-in-law gave me this trip. Mine is a special kind of paper-thin silk and it is a beautiful blue, and really brought out the color in my eyes. Wearing my saree also gave me a chance to wear my gold jewelry that goes along with it, so that was fun. So, all 3 of us have had our fun this trip being "real" Indian women for a while :)

Me and Narasimha at the restaurant (and my sis and her friend beside us)

Me and my mother-in-law (attayyagaaru)

3 white chics in sarees, and my niece being a goof :)

Almost More Than I Can Take

In the last 2 days, we have visited 3 orphanages here in Hyderabad. I had mentioned it back in December to the girls as something we might be able to do during our time in Hyderabad, and they both thought it sounded like something they'd be interested in doing- as a way to get a sort-of comprehensive rather than just tourist view of India. I knew it would be tough - with the whole infertility thing in mind - but back then I had empty faces of children in my head - those who I might meet, where now I have beautiful little faces looking back at me when I close my eyes. Faces who are sad and searching, and very lonely. Faces who are timid to shake your hand but brighten at just a smile or pat on the back. It was hard, but I don't know that it was any harder than I thought it would be. I expected before I went that it would "hurt" to see so many kids in a situation like that, infertile or not.

The first one we went to was a private orphanage for females only. The girls there ranged from 4-16 years, and I think they currently have 76 residents. We went right as the younger girls were getting back from school. As a formality we talked to the headmaster for a while, who answered questions we thought of. He told us what we already suspected - most of the girls there had parents who had died, or who had to give them up because they were too poor to feed them. Here the girls have the luxury (and I'm not kidding) of sleeping inside, receiving medical care, going to school, eating regularly, and not being on the streets and begging for money or food. After talking to the adults, they took us into a small meeting room where they put all 5 of us (Narasimha, my sister, her friend, Narasimha's brother, and me) in chairs at the front of an assembly-type room, with all the kids seated in perfect rows in front of us. I think I counted around 40 girls. First they sang a few songs for us (religious Hindu, and in a language I couldn't understand), and then they went around and each and every one of them stood up and said their name and year in school. The littlest ones were closest to the front. Then we got a tour of the facilities. It was nice. The rooms were clean, although no air conditioning. After our tour we got to go out into the front yard where many of them were playing (again, just the younger ones that we had seen in the assembly hall - I think the older girls may still have been at school). We got to take pictures and I shook hands with many of them, and said "Namaste" which is "Hello." I asked the headmaster (who seemed like a simple but kind man) if the girls there get adopted out. He said no, almost never. I was talking to my sister about this, and she said it might be almost better that way. She has a point. Many people when adopting don't want such old kids, and if the kids don't expect to be adopted, then they won't be disappointed, or place their personal worth on who gets chosen faster or who has to wait, etc. I have parts of the moving "Annie" running through my head (which I wouldn't recommend watching necessarily if you've never seen it - it isn't as good without someone there to distract you and fast-forward through the yucky scenes like my mom did when I was little and watched it) where the girls in that orphanage think only the pretty girls get permanent homes, and the rest of the girls feel bad about themselves. Seems like a really terrible popularity contest. Anyways, all things considered, it was a decent place, and so much better for these girls than living on the streets. Past residents of the facility have even been married off, and it seems like the people who run the place are pretty protective of the girls who are marrying and cognizant of relevant issues, etc. I think overall the organization was reputable and I felt good leaving with the girls playing tag and other games together and running and laughing in the background. One more issue of note: the orphanage was a strictly Hindu facility.

...

This 6-foot-tall picture is a Hindu god that greets you as you first enter the orphanage.

The (younger) girls enjoy a snack after school.

This is beside the building, and is where the little girls bathe each night. They have to do it here because they don't have room enough inside, and the workers need to keep a close eye on the littlest ones to make sure they get clean, and don't get infections or skin problems.

A few of the girls were playing a game with small rocks, throwing them in their hands. I don't know what it was, but it looked like they had played many times before.

The front yard, where they were running and playing tag. It seemed like they all got along and had fun together.

...

The second place we visited was right after the first. It was about a mile away, and this was a facility for boys. The age range of the boys was 5-13 yrs I think, and there were less than 20 residents. We first met the man who ran the place and talked for a few minutes. We then repeated the assembly hall thing from the last place, but this time we all sat on the floor in a straight line with all the boys in a single straight line in opposite us. They sang us some songs, and then introduced themselves and their grade in school as well. Then the headmaster man picked out a few kids and had them recite some specific things for us. The second little guy who got "picked on" was just adorable, and quite ironically had on a shirt that said something about "mum and dad." He was 5, and quite short, and his name was Ramu. Also, he had recently stepped on a nail so he had a bandaged foot and was unable to bear weight on that foot. He sang songs for us like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "ABC" and a few other English songs. I don't know if he knew what he was saying, but he did well and it was cute. Looking at his sad face and listening to him recite these things brought tears to my eyes. I did not get such good "vibes" about this place. First, the headmaster had this mad-scientist look to him, and he creeped me out. Plus, it didn't seem like the boys liked him much - almost like they were afraid of him. These boys, like the first place, have no expectation of being adopted. This place is also exclusively Hindu.

Little Ramu reciting something for us - he's the guy with the hurt foot :(

The dining room.

An activity they do at the end of every day to lower the flag (I think what you're seeing is the equivalent of our saluting).

...
Neither of these places had babies and I wanted to know why, and I also wanted to see some babies. At the first place we asked why there were no babies/toddlers. They told us that the government keeps all babies at a government-run (as opposed to private like the 2 I have already mentioned) orphanage. I am sure this is to make sure there is no illegal selling of babies for adoption on the private level. The government orphanage is where young kids go - I think if they are under 4 when they first come to the orphanage then they go to the government one. If they don't get adopted out by the time they are between 4- to 6-years-old, then they are transferred to a private orphanage like ones we visited (there are of course many more than just the 2) or if there is no space in any of them, into a juvenile home of sorts, which we heard is not as good. From what I have gathered, they do not have a foster system here. We asked my brother-in-law to call this baby orphanage and see if we could get a tour. He called, and there were some hoops to jump through. We had to get special permission from a certain lady, and she wasn't answering her phone. So we took off for our day not really expecting much. We were almost to our first place (we were going to an art gallery) when "the lady" called us back. She said if we wanted, we could come right then. So we turned around and headed to see the babies.

The lady who called us to come was there when we got there. She was kind and answered all of our questions. She said that all the babies who do not have health, physical, or mental problems get adopted out right away - they get several thousand applications per year, from Indians and others. Apparently any child under age 3 is easy to adopt out (as long as they are free from the aforementioned problems). After the 3rd birthday, or with problems, is hard(er). We then got to tour the building. The first room we went into was for babies under 6 months. There were probably at least 40 babies. Many of these were probably awaiting placement (that made it more bearable to see all of them). We weren't allowed to take pics at this facility at all (unfortunately, though I can understand why), but we were allowed to touch the kids. The babies did not feel the effects of our language gap. I leaned over several of the awake babies and smiled and waved my fingers in front of their faces and told them what pretty girls they were (they were almost all girls - boys are in higher demand), and they all smiled so big. I picked one little girl up and talked to her, and she promptly stuck her tongue out at me through her grin - so cute! I bet we spent 20 mins in just that room. The room was clean and fairly well-staffed. No unsettling cries going unanswered (for which I was thankful). We continued our tour and went to many other rooms. I saw kids that looked healthy, some with visible umbilical hernias, a little girl with beautiful eyes and an unfixed cleft palate, and several children who were very small for their said age who the lady said had cardiac issues. Their faces all lit up when they saw us, and they ran toward us and huddled around as we talked and toured. One little girl who was 7 and very small and thin for her age due to a heart problem grabbed my hand and ran her hand all the way up my arm to my shoulder, and then just stood there an looked at me, smiling. I shook many slimy hands. I held my tears back several times, though the closest I came to actually crying was when a little boy who was probably 2 or 3 pushed and sprinted through all the other kids around us and ran straight to Narasimha and grabbed onto N's leg in the biggest little boy bear hug, and then held on tight with this adorable goofy grin. It was so sweet but almost more than I could take. We finished our tour and saw many of the 190 or so kids in probably around an hour. Narasimha asked the lady many questions about the adoption process, all of which she patiently answered. We now feel quite well-informed. Narasimha finally asked me if I was ready to go, and I said no, that I wanted to stay and play all day, but ok.

On the way out we stopped at a separate govt office and picked up an adoption application, and asked more questions. I will post more about the beginning of our adoption journey later, but at this point I think it is safe to say that it has started, even if it barely has at this point.