This is a prayer request. If you pray, and if you remember, please pray for us:
We are at a crossroad in this adoption. There are decisions to be made regarding how we proceed from here. I am not going to give many details but these decisions overlap all of the following at least a little bit: our testimony, our conscience, right and wrong (maybe), relative ease vs. frustration and annoyance, trusting God, our child, health and illness, legal procedures, timelines, our desire (for a family), finances and stewardship, cultural differences, and a lot of the unknown.
We still need to talk to our Indian lawyer, but over the last few days we have come up with some very clear paths that we could follow with our adoption from this point forward. As you can likely see by the list above, we have some decisions to make. And truly, we're having a hard time deciding which path we should pursue. There are no black and white, right and wrong answers here. The only way I can even figure to pray at this point is for a clear path to follow and discernment. And, we're at the point where we need to be making decisions to even go any farther with the process.
Please pray that we would make the "right" decision and then that we will have peace with whatever comes from it. Not the decision that would make us happy or give us what we think we want, but that we would be able to make decisions knowing that we are first and foremost interested in honoring our God in all we do. And if we can acquire a child while honoring God in these decisions, that a child would come to our family in His way and His time.
If you have any words of advice, PLEASE feel free to share (seriously).
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Moving Forward
Yesterday's meetings went very well. We got some questions answered and we feel satisfied with the services to be offered by both of the people we met. The lawyer actually told us that his input will be minimal and we probably really don't need him as much as we think we do.
The issue mentioned in yesterday's post regarding the health of the future child is not resolved. We have thrown around some ideas as to how we should proceed from here - some more valuable than others. It seems like it could work, but we still don't know. We will likely know more when our Indian lawyer gets off vacation and we can chat with him. I am convinced that THE ONLY way this is going to work without an agency is that we have family in India - without contacts in the country we would not be able to do this. My family on both sides of the ocean is excited about this adoption which makes me so happy! I don't know that there's anything more important in a situation like this than the support of family and friends who care about you. And, as a side note - thanks so much to those of you who comment and send notes our way - notes of encouragement and that you're praying for us in this. It absolutely does make the process and frustrations more manageable! Please know your efforts are appreciated.
And, we've decided, after advice from others and talking to each other, that a home study is necessary no matter what. So, our home study is underway. We got the fingerprint cards and the background checks will likely be started by the end of this week. Meetings soon to follow. We're moving forward. I gotta get this house cleaned up! Those smoke detectors need to make their way to the ceiling... :) Any advice from any of you who may have been here?
The issue mentioned in yesterday's post regarding the health of the future child is not resolved. We have thrown around some ideas as to how we should proceed from here - some more valuable than others. It seems like it could work, but we still don't know. We will likely know more when our Indian lawyer gets off vacation and we can chat with him. I am convinced that THE ONLY way this is going to work without an agency is that we have family in India - without contacts in the country we would not be able to do this. My family on both sides of the ocean is excited about this adoption which makes me so happy! I don't know that there's anything more important in a situation like this than the support of family and friends who care about you. And, as a side note - thanks so much to those of you who comment and send notes our way - notes of encouragement and that you're praying for us in this. It absolutely does make the process and frustrations more manageable! Please know your efforts are appreciated.
And, we've decided, after advice from others and talking to each other, that a home study is necessary no matter what. So, our home study is underway. We got the fingerprint cards and the background checks will likely be started by the end of this week. Meetings soon to follow. We're moving forward. I gotta get this house cleaned up! Those smoke detectors need to make their way to the ceiling... :) Any advice from any of you who may have been here?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
One Step Forward...
And about six steps back. That is how the last week has felt. Not to be negative, but it truly seems like every time we get a small piece of good news, it's followed by several "pieces" of not-so-good news. And sorry for not updating sooner. I've kinda been on system overload and haven't really known what to say. And, I've been on the phone for about forever this last week. Again, getting alternating good and bad news. Here's some of what's been going on since my last post:
- I filled out most of the I-800A by myself. After getting most of it filled out, there are 3 lingering questions. One is regarding Narasimha's citizenship, and if America will allow a child to be placed in our care with the potential instability of our home in that regard. I am fairly certain that we can at least make a case for having a stable enough environment in which to raise a child. The second is if the person I found for our home study is good enough for USCIS. The third is whether or not we are required to go through an agency to complete the adoption. More on the second 2 to come below.
- We need to do a home study. That is the next part of our process. The Indian Government needs it to process the paperwork that they already have in their hands. That rule has changed recently on their part. We also need a completed home study to turn in our "Application for eligibility of potential adoptive parents" or I-800A to the US Govt. So we need that next - if we decide to proceed - independent of everything else. And last week I called around and searched on websites for someone to do a home study. There is a State of Iowa website, and I looked through the providers on the list of "Adoption Service Providers" and found the name of a person who lives pretty close to us. I called him, and he is an extraordinarily nice and helpful man. More about him and his helpfulness later. He is very relaxed and seems to know his stuff, and was on the phone very supportive of our situation. I was thanking God to have found such a great guy to have on our side. However, now it looks like the US Govt won't recognize a home study done by him. After I found that out I called the State of Iowa, and the lady I talked to knew him by name and said he's one of the best and he's been doing this for years and years and years. He's told me a few times that he's 68, and he implies he's been doing this his whole life. So if we can proceed with him there will be formalities to get around, but there's still hope (in this regard)...
- We would like to do this adoption as "independents," or, without the help of an adoption agency. And the person I found for the home study (above) says he doesn't see any reason we need an agency's help. We have contacts both in America and India, and it's time-consuming to do all this yourself, but we were going to give it a shot. Not to mention, I've heard and researched a little, the average cost of an adoption from India to go through an American agency is upwards of $20,000 (sometimes up to $45,000!). If we managed to do it ourselves, I am starting to think we could get by with spending half, or less, than that. Granted, the headaches and frustrations will likely be intense. I can now see, after my week on the phone, why people do choose to go with an agency. These agencies know what they're doing and have the process streamlined. But when dealing with India, after some information I've found out very recently, I think we with our contacts in India might have in some ways better info than the agencies do. Not to mention, and this is not at all intended to be an insult to India, but rather just the way it is, I think dealing with a country where knowing people and bribery rule the land, an agency might actually slow us down. Anyways, the I-800A is written such that it seems mandatory to have an agency represent you. I have found some information on a Federal website that says it's just "strongly recommended." Still no definitive answer there.
- We are going to need, especially if we proceed without the help of an agency, a few good lawyers to help us through. One in each country. The home study man recommended the name of a good lawyer in the area. I called him, and he was not interested in helping us, but gave us the name of a person nearby who we're meeting this afternoon for an initial consultation. My family in India has a lawyer who is currently representing them with an unrelated issue to our adoption (actually the prayer request has been listed in the side bar for several months now) but they all seem to think this lawyer is the guy for us. Apparently he's one of the best lawyers for family-related issues in all of Hyderabad. Unfortunately he's on vacation right now. So my brother-in-law (who is also an Indian- and American- trained lawyer) is going to try to contact him as soon as he returns. We need to talk to him asap because one of the most pressing issues at this point (besides the home study) is whether or not the Indian Government will allow us to finalize the adoption in India, or whether they will grant us guardianship of a child and we will have to finalize in the States. The answer to this question will affect much of how we proceed from this point. It would be monumentally easier on the American side if we could finalize over there, but our demographics (3 in particular: age, citizenship and religion) may prevent that. Thus the need for the lawyer.
- My brother-in-law's (the lawyer) wife's aunt is very close friends with the director of the orphanage where we submitted our papers. I didn't actually find that out until last night. This in and of itself is very good news. When I said above that much of getting things done in India rests with who you know, I wasn't kidding. We also found out that if you do things "right" and if you know the "right" people it is easy to get a child of any age, even without medical needs, fairly quickly. When my inlaws left the Government office last week after submitting our paperwork they were happy - they were led to believe this would be a quick process. We could have a child by summer, and even a younger child than we thought. All good news. And I know that kinda sounds shady, but it isn't. It's all still legal - we don't want to do anything any other way. And, it's very much the way the country operates. It is what it is. Anyways, so we were feeling pretty good. However (and this is also a blessing, even if it takes longer to see it), the same brother-in-law's wife's aunt that was listed above also has some insider information that we are now thankful we know. She is a child specialist in Hyderabad, working with special needs kids. And this is the info that could be the deal breaker with proceeding with this (and possibly any) adoption at this time: She told us that the kids in this orphanage are not sometimes as healthy as adoptive families are led to believe. Now, there are certain medical conditions that Narasimha and I have talked about, and are willing to accept. And certain things we're not. I am thankful to be married to a physician who can weigh potential risks. And the medical issues that she detailed are things we are not willing to knowingly accept. And more than that, it looks like the Indian government has made it illegal and impossible to test for these issues before an adoption is finalized. It's a don't ask, don't tell, don't actually know sort of situation. And it isn't a small thing. That's all I'm going to say about that. So, my brother-in-law is going to do some more digging and see what he can come up with. I am, however, so thankful God has protected our family and us from proceeding with this adoption without knowing this information until who knows when.
So, where we are now. Well, we have 2 meetings this afternoon. One with the lawyer (mentioned above) and one with the home study guy. However, after finding out this most recent information regarding the health of the children I am not sure where that leaves us. It does seem like if this were really God's plan the path wouldn't be so convoluted and hidden. I don't expect straight and easy, but at least a little light at the end with some things seeming to work together every once in a while would be encouraging. I have about a million questions, and each time I try to answer one thing about 10 more things pop up. Maybe you can see why I feel like I'm "chasing my tail" with this. But, progress is being made, even if not as quickly and efficiently as I'd like. We do not want to schedule our home study without some of these questions answered. A home study is fairly costly and if it's not going to work out in the end, no need to spend that money.
And I would say we've about reached the end of our rope. I don't want to give up early, and trust me, it breaks my heart to say that this might not work. This is no small matter in our lives. However, we can push and push and push, and if the outcome doesn't change then I don't see a reason to do that. I believe that God will show us somehow, clearly, that He has a plan for us and for the growth of our family. I guess there really isn't ever any "bad news" if you can trust God's plan in your life, and I can. And if, after a few meetings today and in the next few weeks, and getting a little more information, it still seems that we can continue, then we will try. Narasimha said last night that we will try to proceed until we find out that it appears that it will absolutely not work. Which, we're almost there, but not quite.
And, if this ends up not working out, I don't by any means think it's the absolute end of our adoption journey. We will, however, likely take time to regroup, pray more, and devise a new plan.
The timeline if this somehow ends up working: Looks like a home study and background checks could be done within a month or month and a half. The processing time on the I-800A form is 90 days, if everything is filled out correctly, which the lady on the USCIS "helpline" said almost never happens. If something is not right then you get to try again. After our I-800A form is approved we can accept the referral of a child. If we can get the Indian Govt to cooperate, it looks like that could happen within a few weeks. Then a few weeks more (and this is the part of the process I'm a little sketchy on) of paperwork and medical tests, etc. Then we can go and take custody and either adopt there or receive guardianship and come home and adopt here. As far as I understand, if this were to work (fairly smoothly), it is not unrealistic to think we could have our child in our arms by summer.
Please pray for us if you think of it today and in the coming weeks.
- I filled out most of the I-800A by myself. After getting most of it filled out, there are 3 lingering questions. One is regarding Narasimha's citizenship, and if America will allow a child to be placed in our care with the potential instability of our home in that regard. I am fairly certain that we can at least make a case for having a stable enough environment in which to raise a child. The second is if the person I found for our home study is good enough for USCIS. The third is whether or not we are required to go through an agency to complete the adoption. More on the second 2 to come below.
- We need to do a home study. That is the next part of our process. The Indian Government needs it to process the paperwork that they already have in their hands. That rule has changed recently on their part. We also need a completed home study to turn in our "Application for eligibility of potential adoptive parents" or I-800A to the US Govt. So we need that next - if we decide to proceed - independent of everything else. And last week I called around and searched on websites for someone to do a home study. There is a State of Iowa website, and I looked through the providers on the list of "Adoption Service Providers" and found the name of a person who lives pretty close to us. I called him, and he is an extraordinarily nice and helpful man. More about him and his helpfulness later. He is very relaxed and seems to know his stuff, and was on the phone very supportive of our situation. I was thanking God to have found such a great guy to have on our side. However, now it looks like the US Govt won't recognize a home study done by him. After I found that out I called the State of Iowa, and the lady I talked to knew him by name and said he's one of the best and he's been doing this for years and years and years. He's told me a few times that he's 68, and he implies he's been doing this his whole life. So if we can proceed with him there will be formalities to get around, but there's still hope (in this regard)...
- We would like to do this adoption as "independents," or, without the help of an adoption agency. And the person I found for the home study (above) says he doesn't see any reason we need an agency's help. We have contacts both in America and India, and it's time-consuming to do all this yourself, but we were going to give it a shot. Not to mention, I've heard and researched a little, the average cost of an adoption from India to go through an American agency is upwards of $20,000 (sometimes up to $45,000!). If we managed to do it ourselves, I am starting to think we could get by with spending half, or less, than that. Granted, the headaches and frustrations will likely be intense. I can now see, after my week on the phone, why people do choose to go with an agency. These agencies know what they're doing and have the process streamlined. But when dealing with India, after some information I've found out very recently, I think we with our contacts in India might have in some ways better info than the agencies do. Not to mention, and this is not at all intended to be an insult to India, but rather just the way it is, I think dealing with a country where knowing people and bribery rule the land, an agency might actually slow us down. Anyways, the I-800A is written such that it seems mandatory to have an agency represent you. I have found some information on a Federal website that says it's just "strongly recommended." Still no definitive answer there.
- We are going to need, especially if we proceed without the help of an agency, a few good lawyers to help us through. One in each country. The home study man recommended the name of a good lawyer in the area. I called him, and he was not interested in helping us, but gave us the name of a person nearby who we're meeting this afternoon for an initial consultation. My family in India has a lawyer who is currently representing them with an unrelated issue to our adoption (actually the prayer request has been listed in the side bar for several months now) but they all seem to think this lawyer is the guy for us. Apparently he's one of the best lawyers for family-related issues in all of Hyderabad. Unfortunately he's on vacation right now. So my brother-in-law (who is also an Indian- and American- trained lawyer) is going to try to contact him as soon as he returns. We need to talk to him asap because one of the most pressing issues at this point (besides the home study) is whether or not the Indian Government will allow us to finalize the adoption in India, or whether they will grant us guardianship of a child and we will have to finalize in the States. The answer to this question will affect much of how we proceed from this point. It would be monumentally easier on the American side if we could finalize over there, but our demographics (3 in particular: age, citizenship and religion) may prevent that. Thus the need for the lawyer.
- My brother-in-law's (the lawyer) wife's aunt is very close friends with the director of the orphanage where we submitted our papers. I didn't actually find that out until last night. This in and of itself is very good news. When I said above that much of getting things done in India rests with who you know, I wasn't kidding. We also found out that if you do things "right" and if you know the "right" people it is easy to get a child of any age, even without medical needs, fairly quickly. When my inlaws left the Government office last week after submitting our paperwork they were happy - they were led to believe this would be a quick process. We could have a child by summer, and even a younger child than we thought. All good news. And I know that kinda sounds shady, but it isn't. It's all still legal - we don't want to do anything any other way. And, it's very much the way the country operates. It is what it is. Anyways, so we were feeling pretty good. However (and this is also a blessing, even if it takes longer to see it), the same brother-in-law's wife's aunt that was listed above also has some insider information that we are now thankful we know. She is a child specialist in Hyderabad, working with special needs kids. And this is the info that could be the deal breaker with proceeding with this (and possibly any) adoption at this time: She told us that the kids in this orphanage are not sometimes as healthy as adoptive families are led to believe. Now, there are certain medical conditions that Narasimha and I have talked about, and are willing to accept. And certain things we're not. I am thankful to be married to a physician who can weigh potential risks. And the medical issues that she detailed are things we are not willing to knowingly accept. And more than that, it looks like the Indian government has made it illegal and impossible to test for these issues before an adoption is finalized. It's a don't ask, don't tell, don't actually know sort of situation. And it isn't a small thing. That's all I'm going to say about that. So, my brother-in-law is going to do some more digging and see what he can come up with. I am, however, so thankful God has protected our family and us from proceeding with this adoption without knowing this information until who knows when.
So, where we are now. Well, we have 2 meetings this afternoon. One with the lawyer (mentioned above) and one with the home study guy. However, after finding out this most recent information regarding the health of the children I am not sure where that leaves us. It does seem like if this were really God's plan the path wouldn't be so convoluted and hidden. I don't expect straight and easy, but at least a little light at the end with some things seeming to work together every once in a while would be encouraging. I have about a million questions, and each time I try to answer one thing about 10 more things pop up. Maybe you can see why I feel like I'm "chasing my tail" with this. But, progress is being made, even if not as quickly and efficiently as I'd like. We do not want to schedule our home study without some of these questions answered. A home study is fairly costly and if it's not going to work out in the end, no need to spend that money.
And I would say we've about reached the end of our rope. I don't want to give up early, and trust me, it breaks my heart to say that this might not work. This is no small matter in our lives. However, we can push and push and push, and if the outcome doesn't change then I don't see a reason to do that. I believe that God will show us somehow, clearly, that He has a plan for us and for the growth of our family. I guess there really isn't ever any "bad news" if you can trust God's plan in your life, and I can. And if, after a few meetings today and in the next few weeks, and getting a little more information, it still seems that we can continue, then we will try. Narasimha said last night that we will try to proceed until we find out that it appears that it will absolutely not work. Which, we're almost there, but not quite.
And, if this ends up not working out, I don't by any means think it's the absolute end of our adoption journey. We will, however, likely take time to regroup, pray more, and devise a new plan.
The timeline if this somehow ends up working: Looks like a home study and background checks could be done within a month or month and a half. The processing time on the I-800A form is 90 days, if everything is filled out correctly, which the lady on the USCIS "helpline" said almost never happens. If something is not right then you get to try again. After our I-800A form is approved we can accept the referral of a child. If we can get the Indian Govt to cooperate, it looks like that could happen within a few weeks. Then a few weeks more (and this is the part of the process I'm a little sketchy on) of paperwork and medical tests, etc. Then we can go and take custody and either adopt there or receive guardianship and come home and adopt here. As far as I understand, if this were to work (fairly smoothly), it is not unrealistic to think we could have our child in our arms by summer.
Please pray for us if you think of it today and in the coming weeks.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The Holiday Season
I love celebrating Jesus' birth, but hate how the whole season turns into a mad dash.
I love meditating on Jesus, and reading prophesies and Scriptural accounts of His birth, but detest how I get so swept up in the season as our culture defines it that I hardly make time to open my Bible, let alone meditating on anything.
I love shopping for gifts for people, but hate standing in mile-long lines, often with other worn-out and grumpy shoppers.
I love a season that promotes peace and love, but hate how the very business of the season gives me a headache and turns me into a grump.
I love sending Christmas cards and letters to keep in touch with family and friends, but find searching for addresses annoying.
I love Christmas music, even some of the secular stuff, but find by the end of the season I'm not sad to see it go (especially since some radio starts playing it after Halloween!).
I love decorating for Christmas, but hate that I'm so disorganized and can't find my stuff.
I love receiving Christmas cards and letters. I can't find anything I dislike about that.
I like receiving gifts, but hate hate hate how the celebration of Jesus' birth turns into this materialistic greedy and selfish acquisition of worthless stuff.
I like getting together with family and friends, but hate how I can't stop eating at the get-togethers. :)
I appreciate how every year I seem to get through the season with fond memories and happy pictures and good times, but get disgusted with myself when I vow that the next year will be more organized, more peaceful, and better, and I never follow through.
I don't mind Santa, but detest a culture that chooses Santa over Jesus, and kicks Jesus out of His own birthday party any way they can, and increasingly every single year.
I love Christmas, religiously and culturally, and I always hate to see the season end.
But, right now, I'm loving boring January :)
I love meditating on Jesus, and reading prophesies and Scriptural accounts of His birth, but detest how I get so swept up in the season as our culture defines it that I hardly make time to open my Bible, let alone meditating on anything.
I love shopping for gifts for people, but hate standing in mile-long lines, often with other worn-out and grumpy shoppers.
I love a season that promotes peace and love, but hate how the very business of the season gives me a headache and turns me into a grump.
I love sending Christmas cards and letters to keep in touch with family and friends, but find searching for addresses annoying.
I love Christmas music, even some of the secular stuff, but find by the end of the season I'm not sad to see it go (especially since some radio starts playing it after Halloween!).
I love decorating for Christmas, but hate that I'm so disorganized and can't find my stuff.
I love receiving Christmas cards and letters. I can't find anything I dislike about that.
I like receiving gifts, but hate hate hate how the celebration of Jesus' birth turns into this materialistic greedy and selfish acquisition of worthless stuff.
I like getting together with family and friends, but hate how I can't stop eating at the get-togethers. :)
I appreciate how every year I seem to get through the season with fond memories and happy pictures and good times, but get disgusted with myself when I vow that the next year will be more organized, more peaceful, and better, and I never follow through.
I don't mind Santa, but detest a culture that chooses Santa over Jesus, and kicks Jesus out of His own birthday party any way they can, and increasingly every single year.
I love Christmas, religiously and culturally, and I always hate to see the season end.
But, right now, I'm loving boring January :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Submitted!!!
Well, after yesterday's update, I'm not sure if this is even worth mentioning. But I will, because it's been a long time in the making, and if this whole adoption ends up working out then this is monumental!
We sent our paperwork that we prepared for the Indian Government to New Jersey last week so it could go with my brother-in-law on the plane to India. The plan is that then we could have someone hand deliver it to the orphanage. Well, Kris and Keerthi (my bro- and sis-in-law) got to India late last week, so didn't have a chance to take it yet. So last night overnight (day for India) my attayyagaaru (Telugu word for mother-in-law) and Kris took the paperwork and dropped it off. So our paperwork is now in the hands of the Indian Govt. officials. Now we wait. And today I will do more calling to follow up with what was started yesterday.
We sent our paperwork that we prepared for the Indian Government to New Jersey last week so it could go with my brother-in-law on the plane to India. The plan is that then we could have someone hand deliver it to the orphanage. Well, Kris and Keerthi (my bro- and sis-in-law) got to India late last week, so didn't have a chance to take it yet. So last night overnight (day for India) my attayyagaaru (Telugu word for mother-in-law) and Kris took the paperwork and dropped it off. So our paperwork is now in the hands of the Indian Govt. officials. Now we wait. And today I will do more calling to follow up with what was started yesterday.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Speed Bump
We have hit a speed bump, of sorts, in our adoption process. I'll detail what I can.
This morning I got on the US Govt's website to find information to start working through this adoption on an immigration level. I downloaded a form called an I-600A, which is the form I thought I needed. Then I got a number of someone in the State Dept (I think anyways) and called her and left a message. Her name is Thelma and she is in the "Adoption Office." Then I called and found out the location of our local USCIS Field Office, which is in Des Moines. I thought that's where we had to drop off our paperwork once finished. I called a few more people and got a few more numbers, etc. This took up a fair amount of my morning.
In the early afternoon Thelma called back. She informed me that she was new to India (working on Indian adoptions) so she had asked the lady who was previously responsible for India to sit in on our call. I was on speaker phone. They asked what I wanted. I told them I was calling to get some preliminary info and to get a feel for the process. Right away this helper lady of Thelma's started in on me (picture most possible sarcastic tone possible): "Well, you know that there are rules you have to follow." Me: "Yes, ma'am, that's why I'm calling. I don't know what they are. I'm trying to figure out this process."
Every single thing I said she answered with the most sarcastic tone I think she could muster. I told them I had downloaded the I-600A and was starting to look it over. In fact that isn't the form I even need. As of April 1, 2008, the USA and India and a bunch of other countries entered into this agreement at The Hague Conference and so now if Americans want to adopt from one of those countries we have to use form I-800A. The purpose of this is to stop the sale of children, I think specifically for the safety of children. So things like sex trade and using live and healthy orphans for organs (yes, this happens) isn't as easy. So I'm on board. Helpless and uncared for children should not have the potential for those things to happen to them.
Then I asked how it would work since I am a US citizen by birth, and Narasimha is not even a green card holder yet. Oh boy, did this get her going (and it showed me she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does). I told her that Narasimha is on what's called an H-1 visa. She said: "Well, if you're really married, why is he on an H-1 visa?" If she really knew her stuff, she'd have known that, but I patiently explained the whole J-1 visa waiver process that we're in. And then she said "Well, I just really don't see how this is going to work. Someone who isn't an American citizen or even a permanent resident of the US has no right to adopt a child in the US. I've never even heard of a situation like this." Yes, but I'm an American citizen, don't I still have rights? "Well, no, you're married, you have to fill out the forms together."
Somewhere in there I got frustrated. We talked about more stuff. Now I just can't remember what. So, I got back on the internet and downloaded this I-800A form. And I contemplated divorcing my husband so I could adopt a child and then we could get remarried. We could even still live together. We just can't be legally married for this paperwork thing. Just kidding, but only kinda. I can adopt just fine by myself (provided I'm over 21 years old, which I am) but being married to a (legally here) foreigner - nope, not allowed.
So ok, call me naive, but I was hoping this would be fairly easy. It will not be. I knew it wouldn't be without problem, and I knew it would take time. But at this point it's looking like it might not even work.
One thing I do know: If I ever do call Thelma's office back, when I leave a message I'm going to ask her to call me back alone. I'd rather bumble through it with someone who doesn't quite know what's going on rather than Ms. Sarcastic Attitude who made me cry and ruined my day, and still didn't know all the way what was going on.
I guess the silver lining is this: I have been praying God show me if this is what He wants for our family. This problem is not above His control. If He wanted it to work, it would. So, if it doesn't, something isn't right. I can take comfort in that. And I'm trying to, but I'm still sad and I have a headache.
This morning I got on the US Govt's website to find information to start working through this adoption on an immigration level. I downloaded a form called an I-600A, which is the form I thought I needed. Then I got a number of someone in the State Dept (I think anyways) and called her and left a message. Her name is Thelma and she is in the "Adoption Office." Then I called and found out the location of our local USCIS Field Office, which is in Des Moines. I thought that's where we had to drop off our paperwork once finished. I called a few more people and got a few more numbers, etc. This took up a fair amount of my morning.
In the early afternoon Thelma called back. She informed me that she was new to India (working on Indian adoptions) so she had asked the lady who was previously responsible for India to sit in on our call. I was on speaker phone. They asked what I wanted. I told them I was calling to get some preliminary info and to get a feel for the process. Right away this helper lady of Thelma's started in on me (picture most possible sarcastic tone possible): "Well, you know that there are rules you have to follow." Me: "Yes, ma'am, that's why I'm calling. I don't know what they are. I'm trying to figure out this process."
Every single thing I said she answered with the most sarcastic tone I think she could muster. I told them I had downloaded the I-600A and was starting to look it over. In fact that isn't the form I even need. As of April 1, 2008, the USA and India and a bunch of other countries entered into this agreement at The Hague Conference and so now if Americans want to adopt from one of those countries we have to use form I-800A. The purpose of this is to stop the sale of children, I think specifically for the safety of children. So things like sex trade and using live and healthy orphans for organs (yes, this happens) isn't as easy. So I'm on board. Helpless and uncared for children should not have the potential for those things to happen to them.
Then I asked how it would work since I am a US citizen by birth, and Narasimha is not even a green card holder yet. Oh boy, did this get her going (and it showed me she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does). I told her that Narasimha is on what's called an H-1 visa. She said: "Well, if you're really married, why is he on an H-1 visa?" If she really knew her stuff, she'd have known that, but I patiently explained the whole J-1 visa waiver process that we're in. And then she said "Well, I just really don't see how this is going to work. Someone who isn't an American citizen or even a permanent resident of the US has no right to adopt a child in the US. I've never even heard of a situation like this." Yes, but I'm an American citizen, don't I still have rights? "Well, no, you're married, you have to fill out the forms together."
Somewhere in there I got frustrated. We talked about more stuff. Now I just can't remember what. So, I got back on the internet and downloaded this I-800A form. And I contemplated divorcing my husband so I could adopt a child and then we could get remarried. We could even still live together. We just can't be legally married for this paperwork thing. Just kidding, but only kinda. I can adopt just fine by myself (provided I'm over 21 years old, which I am) but being married to a (legally here) foreigner - nope, not allowed.
So ok, call me naive, but I was hoping this would be fairly easy. It will not be. I knew it wouldn't be without problem, and I knew it would take time. But at this point it's looking like it might not even work.
One thing I do know: If I ever do call Thelma's office back, when I leave a message I'm going to ask her to call me back alone. I'd rather bumble through it with someone who doesn't quite know what's going on rather than Ms. Sarcastic Attitude who made me cry and ruined my day, and still didn't know all the way what was going on.
I guess the silver lining is this: I have been praying God show me if this is what He wants for our family. This problem is not above His control. If He wanted it to work, it would. So, if it doesn't, something isn't right. I can take comfort in that. And I'm trying to, but I'm still sad and I have a headache.
Friday, January 2, 2009
A New Year
It's a New Year, and no better time than that to make some changes in life, right? Well, I am big on lists (part of my slightly obsessive personality) and have always been big on "New Year's Resolutions." However, sometimes when you call them that it seems daunting and cliché. So, this year I am changing my terminology. This year they're just going to be "Goals for '09." We'll see if the lexical swap does anything for my ability to keep up with them ;) Here are a few that I will share:
- Spend time in God's Written Word and prayer every day.
- Run at least 1000 miles this year (and possibly marathon #2).
- Be more organized on all fronts. Get my house clean and then keep it that way most of the time. Be ready for company at the drop of a hat. Get in a daily routine and stay in it. Make meal plans and stick with them. Sort through every single piece of paper in my house and either put it in it's place, or pitch it (which means I have to establish a lot of "places.") Clean out all the closets - and get rid of the junk! You get the idea. This will be a lot of work, but SOOOOO worth it!
- I don't have a pound goal. I never do. However, I would like to work out more consistently and eat a much healthier diet than we do. I figure if I do those 2 things, the pounds take care of themselves.
- Read more - "business" and pleasure ;)
- Possibly pursue more schooling - that'll be something to think about.
- Work on amending my lingering personality flaws. There are many. They are annoying and unacceptable, though I seem to accept them and they persist through thick and thin. If you know of something I should be working on, you should tell me so I can :)
- Either pick up a new and exciting pastime, or spend more time doing things that I call hobbies - like playing trumpet, scrapbooking, learning a few languages, training my dogs, etc.
I'm sure there are more, but I'm tired. And that's a decent start. Does anyone have any they care to share?
Let's see, just for fun, how I did with the resolutions I posted at the beginning of '08.
#1: "Taking better advantage..." - I didn't do as well as I had hoped, though it wasn't a total failure. Certainly nothing to be proud of.
#2: "Manifesting more attributes..." - Again, I feel like progress was made. However, not as much as I would have liked. I'll have to keep working on both of these in 2009.
#3: "Giving of myself..." - I tried. I can think of things I did which were a step in the right direction, though I don't know if I can always claim pure motives and thoughts. Another work in progress...
#4: "Being 'better'..." - Progress was made. I'm certainly not perfect.
#5: "Getting more prepared..." - I hope so. I have no way to measure this. So we'll have to say maybe and leave it at that.
#6: "Getting organized..." - Well, judging by what I said my goal was for '09 I'm going to have to say I didn't do all that well with it in '08. Not a great track record. I made a little progress, but not nearly enough. Try again.
#7: "Learning..." - Nope. I didn't. Not any of them. Hardly worked on them. Another to try again.
#8: "Reprioritizing..." - Well, I suppose I did to a certain extent. I'll have to keep working here too.
#9: "Keeping in touch better..." - Actually, I did do a little better at this one in '08. I'm happy - I love my family and friends.
#10: "Getting in shape..." - Well, I did, and then I got back out. So I get to start over. But I did get that first marathon done.
#11: "Training my dogs..." - Unfortunately not as much as I'd have liked. They're all fairly well behaved, but there could be work to do if I made myself do it. Just another thing to keep plugging away at...
Well, that was a humbling little exercise. Do you do any sort of annual personal inventory? It's humbling, and a little encouraging. I have a lot of work to do!
- Spend time in God's Written Word and prayer every day.
- Run at least 1000 miles this year (and possibly marathon #2).
- Be more organized on all fronts. Get my house clean and then keep it that way most of the time. Be ready for company at the drop of a hat. Get in a daily routine and stay in it. Make meal plans and stick with them. Sort through every single piece of paper in my house and either put it in it's place, or pitch it (which means I have to establish a lot of "places.") Clean out all the closets - and get rid of the junk! You get the idea. This will be a lot of work, but SOOOOO worth it!
- I don't have a pound goal. I never do. However, I would like to work out more consistently and eat a much healthier diet than we do. I figure if I do those 2 things, the pounds take care of themselves.
- Read more - "business" and pleasure ;)
- Possibly pursue more schooling - that'll be something to think about.
- Work on amending my lingering personality flaws. There are many. They are annoying and unacceptable, though I seem to accept them and they persist through thick and thin. If you know of something I should be working on, you should tell me so I can :)
- Either pick up a new and exciting pastime, or spend more time doing things that I call hobbies - like playing trumpet, scrapbooking, learning a few languages, training my dogs, etc.
I'm sure there are more, but I'm tired. And that's a decent start. Does anyone have any they care to share?
Let's see, just for fun, how I did with the resolutions I posted at the beginning of '08.
#1: "Taking better advantage..." - I didn't do as well as I had hoped, though it wasn't a total failure. Certainly nothing to be proud of.
#2: "Manifesting more attributes..." - Again, I feel like progress was made. However, not as much as I would have liked. I'll have to keep working on both of these in 2009.
#3: "Giving of myself..." - I tried. I can think of things I did which were a step in the right direction, though I don't know if I can always claim pure motives and thoughts. Another work in progress...
#4: "Being 'better'..." - Progress was made. I'm certainly not perfect.
#5: "Getting more prepared..." - I hope so. I have no way to measure this. So we'll have to say maybe and leave it at that.
#6: "Getting organized..." - Well, judging by what I said my goal was for '09 I'm going to have to say I didn't do all that well with it in '08. Not a great track record. I made a little progress, but not nearly enough. Try again.
#7: "Learning..." - Nope. I didn't. Not any of them. Hardly worked on them. Another to try again.
#8: "Reprioritizing..." - Well, I suppose I did to a certain extent. I'll have to keep working here too.
#9: "Keeping in touch better..." - Actually, I did do a little better at this one in '08. I'm happy - I love my family and friends.
#10: "Getting in shape..." - Well, I did, and then I got back out. So I get to start over. But I did get that first marathon done.
#11: "Training my dogs..." - Unfortunately not as much as I'd have liked. They're all fairly well behaved, but there could be work to do if I made myself do it. Just another thing to keep plugging away at...
Well, that was a humbling little exercise. Do you do any sort of annual personal inventory? It's humbling, and a little encouraging. I have a lot of work to do!
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