Ladies' Book Club

I want to share something that I have started in our local church - just to share and also to ask for prayer (that rhymed ;)

I always wanted to start something like this in the church we came from, but I finally am getting around to doing it here, and I'm really excited for what God can do with it.

It's called "Ladies' Book Club" and basically it is a voluntary group for ladies of our church, and visitors or friends, to read a book and then get together informally and talk about it. I personally really love to read, and I love to read a little bit of everything - from fiction, to apologetics, to counseling, to exegetical study - a variety of really anything. I have read SO MANY great books as a returning seminary student, and just out of personal interest.

So I typed up a proposal to give to our church elders for approval - I could have done it outside the church and on my own, with friends only, but I really think that something like this has the potential to connect women from the church and create closer relationships among people who might not be obvious "friends." So the church approved it and we're on our way.

The way I plan to do it: I picked several books that I feel will promote good conversation. Not all the books are theologically "perfect" - which I think is also a good thing. I want to be able to pick a book apart and talk about what good can be gotten and what are the issues one should beware of, thus further solidifying the basis of our faith. We will do a book every 2 months. I will hand out the info for the next book at the discussion hour of the current book. I have also printed up an optional "Discussion Aid" with questions to get people thinking more in depth about the book.

Our first book is Beautiful in God's Eyes by Elizabeth George. It is a fairly quick and easy read, and I think it has content that can be applied to the life of any woman. It is basically an applicational study of Proverbs 31. We are meeting to discuss the book in mid-May.

If you remember, please pray for this ministry, and for me as I lead the discussion groups. If you are interested in joining us, contact me :) If you can't come but would like my notes on the book or the Discussion Aid for your own personal use, contact me. And, if you have any books that you think would be a beneficial addition to our line-up, let me know! I want to add books that will grow us, stretch our thinking and faith, and bring us together in Jesus' name. I would also welcome suggestions if you are a part of something like this in your own local church :)

Decisions

This is a prayer request. If you pray, and if you remember, please pray for us:

We are at a crossroad in this adoption. There are decisions to be made regarding how we proceed from here. I am not going to give many details but these decisions overlap all of the following at least a little bit: our testimony, our conscience, right and wrong (maybe), relative ease vs. frustration and annoyance, trusting God, our child, health and illness, legal procedures, timelines, our desire (for a family), finances and stewardship, cultural differences, and a lot of the unknown.

We still need to talk to our Indian lawyer, but over the last few days we have come up with some very clear paths that we could follow with our adoption from this point forward. As you can likely see by the list above, we have some decisions to make. And truly, we're having a hard time deciding which path we should pursue. There are no black and white, right and wrong answers here. The only way I can even figure to pray at this point is for a clear path to follow and discernment. And, we're at the point where we need to be making decisions to even go any farther with the process.

Please pray that we would make the "right" decision and then that we will have peace with whatever comes from it. Not the decision that would make us happy or give us what we think we want, but that we would be able to make decisions knowing that we are first and foremost interested in honoring our God in all we do. And if we can acquire a child while honoring God in these decisions, that a child would come to our family in His way and His time.

If you have any words of advice, PLEASE feel free to share (seriously).

One Step Forward...

And about six steps back. That is how the last week has felt. Not to be negative, but it truly seems like every time we get a small piece of good news, it's followed by several "pieces" of not-so-good news. And sorry for not updating sooner. I've kinda been on system overload and haven't really known what to say. And, I've been on the phone for about forever this last week. Again, getting alternating good and bad news. Here's some of what's been going on since my last post:

- I filled out most of the I-800A by myself. After getting most of it filled out, there are 3 lingering questions. One is regarding Narasimha's citizenship, and if America will allow a child to be placed in our care with the potential instability of our home in that regard. I am fairly certain that we can at least make a case for having a stable enough environment in which to raise a child. The second is if the person I found for our home study is good enough for USCIS. The third is whether or not we are required to go through an agency to complete the adoption. More on the second 2 to come below.

- We need to do a home study. That is the next part of our process. The Indian Government needs it to process the paperwork that they already have in their hands. That rule has changed recently on their part. We also need a completed home study to turn in our "Application for eligibility of potential adoptive parents" or I-800A to the US Govt. So we need that next - if we decide to proceed - independent of everything else. And last week I called around and searched on websites for someone to do a home study. There is a State of Iowa website, and I looked through the providers on the list of "Adoption Service Providers" and found the name of a person who lives pretty close to us. I called him, and he is an extraordinarily nice and helpful man. More about him and his helpfulness later. He is very relaxed and seems to know his stuff, and was on the phone very supportive of our situation. I was thanking God to have found such a great guy to have on our side. However, now it looks like the US Govt won't recognize a home study done by him. After I found that out I called the State of Iowa, and the lady I talked to knew him by name and said he's one of the best and he's been doing this for years and years and years. He's told me a few times that he's 68, and he implies he's been doing this his whole life. So if we can proceed with him there will be formalities to get around, but there's still hope (in this regard)...

- We would like to do this adoption as "independents," or, without the help of an adoption agency. And the person I found for the home study (above) says he doesn't see any reason we need an agency's help. We have contacts both in America and India, and it's time-consuming to do all this yourself, but we were going to give it a shot. Not to mention, I've heard and researched a little, the average cost of an adoption from India to go through an American agency is upwards of $20,000 (sometimes up to $45,000!). If we managed to do it ourselves, I am starting to think we could get by with spending half, or less, than that. Granted, the headaches and frustrations will likely be intense. I can now see, after my week on the phone, why people do choose to go with an agency. These agencies know what they're doing and have the process streamlined. But when dealing with India, after some information I've found out very recently, I think we with our contacts in India might have in some ways better info than the agencies do. Not to mention, and this is not at all intended to be an insult to India, but rather just the way it is, I think dealing with a country where knowing people and bribery rule the land, an agency might actually slow us down. Anyways, the I-800A is written such that it seems mandatory to have an agency represent you. I have found some information on a Federal website that says it's just "strongly recommended." Still no definitive answer there.

- We are going to need, especially if we proceed without the help of an agency, a few good lawyers to help us through. One in each country. The home study man recommended the name of a good lawyer in the area. I called him, and he was not interested in helping us, but gave us the name of a person nearby who we're meeting this afternoon for an initial consultation. My family in India has a lawyer who is currently representing them with an unrelated issue to our adoption (actually the prayer request has been listed in the side bar for several months now) but they all seem to think this lawyer is the guy for us. Apparently he's one of the best lawyers for family-related issues in all of Hyderabad. Unfortunately he's on vacation right now. So my brother-in-law (who is also an Indian- and American- trained lawyer) is going to try to contact him as soon as he returns. We need to talk to him asap because one of the most pressing issues at this point (besides the home study) is whether or not the Indian Government will allow us to finalize the adoption in India, or whether they will grant us guardianship of a child and we will have to finalize in the States. The answer to this question will affect much of how we proceed from this point. It would be monumentally easier on the American side if we could finalize over there, but our demographics (3 in particular: age, citizenship and religion) may prevent that. Thus the need for the lawyer.

- My brother-in-law's (the lawyer) wife's aunt is very close friends with the director of the orphanage where we submitted our papers. I didn't actually find that out until last night. This in and of itself is very good news. When I said above that much of getting things done in India rests with who you know, I wasn't kidding. We also found out that if you do things "right" and if you know the "right" people it is easy to get a child of any age, even without medical needs, fairly quickly. When my inlaws left the Government office last week after submitting our paperwork they were happy - they were led to believe this would be a quick process. We could have a child by summer, and even a younger child than we thought. All good news. And I know that kinda sounds shady, but it isn't. It's all still legal - we don't want to do anything any other way. And, it's very much the way the country operates. It is what it is. Anyways, so we were feeling pretty good. However (and this is also a blessing, even if it takes longer to see it), the same brother-in-law's wife's aunt that was listed above also has some insider information that we are now thankful we know. She is a child specialist in Hyderabad, working with special needs kids. And this is the info that could be the deal breaker with proceeding with this (and possibly any) adoption at this time: She told us that the kids in this orphanage are not sometimes as healthy as adoptive families are led to believe. Now, there are certain medical conditions that Narasimha and I have talked about, and are willing to accept. And certain things we're not. I am thankful to be married to a physician who can weigh potential risks. And the medical issues that she detailed are things we are not willing to knowingly accept. And more than that, it looks like the Indian government has made it illegal and impossible to test for these issues before an adoption is finalized. It's a don't ask, don't tell, don't actually know sort of situation. And it isn't a small thing. That's all I'm going to say about that. So, my brother-in-law is going to do some more digging and see what he can come up with. I am, however, so thankful God has protected our family and us from proceeding with this adoption without knowing this information until who knows when.

So, where we are now. Well, we have 2 meetings this afternoon. One with the lawyer (mentioned above) and one with the home study guy. However, after finding out this most recent information regarding the health of the children I am not sure where that leaves us. It does seem like if this were really God's plan the path wouldn't be so convoluted and hidden. I don't expect straight and easy, but at least a little light at the end with some things seeming to work together every once in a while would be encouraging. I have about a million questions, and each time I try to answer one thing about 10 more things pop up. Maybe you can see why I feel like I'm "chasing my tail" with this. But, progress is being made, even if not as quickly and efficiently as I'd like. We do not want to schedule our home study without some of these questions answered. A home study is fairly costly and if it's not going to work out in the end, no need to spend that money.

And I would say we've about reached the end of our rope. I don't want to give up early, and trust me, it breaks my heart to say that this might not work. This is no small matter in our lives. However, we can push and push and push, and if the outcome doesn't change then I don't see a reason to do that. I believe that God will show us somehow, clearly, that He has a plan for us and for the growth of our family. I guess there really isn't ever any "bad news" if you can trust God's plan in your life, and I can. And if, after a few meetings today and in the next few weeks, and getting a little more information, it still seems that we can continue, then we will try. Narasimha said last night that we will try to proceed until we find out that it appears that it will absolutely not work. Which, we're almost there, but not quite.

And, if this ends up not working out, I don't by any means think it's the absolute end of our adoption journey. We will, however, likely take time to regroup, pray more, and devise a new plan.

The timeline if this somehow ends up working: Looks like a home study and background checks could be done within a month or month and a half. The processing time on the I-800A form is 90 days, if everything is filled out correctly, which the lady on the USCIS "helpline" said almost never happens. If something is not right then you get to try again. After our I-800A form is approved we can accept the referral of a child. If we can get the Indian Govt to cooperate, it looks like that could happen within a few weeks. Then a few weeks more (and this is the part of the process I'm a little sketchy on) of paperwork and medical tests, etc. Then we can go and take custody and either adopt there or receive guardianship and come home and adopt here. As far as I understand, if this were to work (fairly smoothly), it is not unrealistic to think we could have our child in our arms by summer.

Please pray for us if you think of it today and in the coming weeks.

Progress (FINALLY!)

I have some exciting news: we have our first "progress" with our adoption to announce in a long time. Last night we finished the paperwork to submit to the Indian Government, and today I put it in the mail. Narasimha's brother and his wife leave for India from the East Coast in a few days, and we thought it would be better to send it with people versus in the mail if possible. So we buckled down and finished the packet, and right now it's on the way to New Jersey. In a few days it will be on the flight to India as part of carry-on luggage. Then my brother-in-law will hand deliver it to the orphanage for us. It's not a huge start, but with our snail pace I'll be happy with anything!

Please be in prayer: the situation in India that I've had in my prayer request list in the sidebar for several months now is not completely resolved. And, it could still very much affect our progress. Please pray for those whose lives are affected there (my in-laws) and that God would allow further adoption progress for our family as He sees fit. Of course we want a child now, but if God makes it clear that His plan is for us to wait even longer, then that is what we will do with peaceful and thankful hearts with grace God alone can give.

From here: We need to be preparing for our homestudy. We have no timeline for this as of now. I also need to be researching the immigration issue from an American standpoint. My initial thought is that it will be harder to get our child into our country (and home) than it will be to have one placed in our care.

Golden Opportunity

My brother-in-law (Narasimha's older brother) is an Internal Medicine physician in India. He is a great guy - easy to get along with, kind, loving, funny, and one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet. Unfortunately, in the last few months he has had some bad life situations, and is looking for a place to escape for a while and enjoy himself, all the while giving his time to help others in need. Sort of a change of pace.

He came across an organization that places volunteer doctors in underserved areas for a time, and he is considering going toward the Himalayas, in Northern India, to volunteer some of his time for a few weeks to serve this organization and the local people of the region. While he is there he will be able to enjoy the scenery, escape the heat of the Hyderabad hot season, and have some time to reflect on all that is going on in his personal life.

But, there are still details to be worked out before he will be able to commit to going. Please pray that the details would work out quickly and smoothly, and that he will soon be on his way to North India.

Check out the place: http://www.aarohi.org/. I haven't been able to get it to load yet because of our slow internet, but he tells me the pictures are magnificent.

Test Tomorrow

Narasimha takes his Psychiatry Boards tomorrow. He has been studying for a while now (I'll be happy when this is over to reclaim our evenings together). We won't know for a while how he did - for a computerized test it sure takes a long time to "grade." And, Psych Boards are a multi-test process, so he won't even be done when this is over. Then he has to start studying for the oral exam. And, for the rest of his career, he will have to do re-cert boards every 10 years (in both Psych and Internal Medicine - which he passed last fall sometime).

He doesn't need to take these to practice as a Psychiatrist - he has actually been practicing since we moved here last July. Before you pass they call you "board eligible" - once he passes he will be "board certified." Basically I think the only thing that changes is that more insurance companies will allow their people to see you. He was board eligible (and able to see patients on his own) when he graduated residency last June.

So please pray for him tomorrow - that he will be well-rested and able to recall the information he's studied. It's an 8-hour test, all on the computer, so also that he would have a good attention span. I hope to be posting the good news that he's passed in the next few months :)

Details: Bringing Baby Home

I started checking into the process of being able to bring the baby back into the US. It isn't as easy as I'd hoped (I don't know why I was thinking it would be - duh!). As far as I know, the adoption part and getting the child from India isn't any harder (thankfully). It's just the part of getting the child able to enter the US with us when we come to bring it home. Yesterday I went to the USA Govt's website and just looked at the International Adoption page, and wow, there are a lot of details to consider, and a lot of stuff to do on a timeline, etc. I am still hoping to be able to do the work by myself and not hire a lawyer, but I sure wouldn't want to screw anything up. By the time I get done, I should be eligible for a law degree myself :) There are some things about our situation that will likely make things slightly less complicated, but almost in the same breath, more difficult too. Sounds contradictory - I know.

On another note, an update about us and our decisions: We have decided after much prayer and conversation that we will tell the orphanage/Indian Govt that we will accept a child, pending our final approval, with medical needs. Right now we have no idea what that will entail - what will be wrong, the age or gender of the child, etc. We will likely get an older-than-newborn child, but I don't know how much older. I actually don't know how they chose a child to give you if you are sidestepping the normal routine of just waiting in line for a healthy newborn. I am pretty sure it isn't like baby shopping, where we go in and point and say "That one." Obviously this hasn't been decided in the last 2 days since my previous post - this has been in the back of our minds for a while. Now I can just say that we have actually talked through the issues, like why now on a first child instead of on a subsequent child, why would we take an older child the first time around, how will this affect our marriage and ability to be good parents, etc. I am not saying that we think this will be easy (dealing with everything when Baby is home with us) - but we do feel confident that this is something God is calling us to do. That's enough reason for me to be at peace with the situation.

And, we have also decided that besides general adoption details/timeline, we don't want to tell any of the specifics of our potential child until we are in India and the child is physically in our arms and the whole thing is done. There are many reasons for this...so we won't be telling gender, age, name (which we already have picked out), medical problems, etc, until we are sure that the information we are giving out is about our child - not details about a little person who could end up not working out.

Please be in prayer for us as we continue to make decisions and process information and do the busy work, and for our child - he or she may already be born.

Adoption: Starting the Process

In a previous post (one from our India Trip I believe) I said that I would post some of the details of the start of our adoption process. Not much has actually happened since then, but I can post what I know as of right now.

When we were in India we went to an orphanage in Hyderabad, which is where Narasimha is from. We didn't actually expect to find anything out about our own potential adoption while we were visiting. Narasimha actually told the lady on the phone that we weren't interested in adopting right now, because if we would have told her we were, she likely wouldn't have let us come. And, he didn't lie to her - we were just going to check it out as maybe something to look into down the line, and see if the facility was someplace we could see taking a child out of and into our home. However, somehow when we were there, Narasimha started asking hypothetical questions about the process, and they ended up turning a little personal to our potential situation. I think the lady must have known we weren't trying to pull a fast one on her, so she was willing to answer all of our questions and turned out to be very helpful. I think they try to steer clear of foreigners thinking they can show up one day and walk out with a baby the next or something. Some of the things we learned from her (some of this might be a repeat from a previous post - sorry):
-There are restrictions on age, couple status, etc., of people who want to adopt. None of these restrictions should be a problem for us.
-First priority for placement goes to resident Indians; second priority goes to non-resident Indians; third priority goes to anyone else of any other nationality who meets other criteria. We would get to use Narasimha's non-resident Indian status (NRI) and be "second priority."
-The orphanage gets something like 9,000 applications for adoption a year.
-The waiting time to get a healthy baby is something like 2-5 years, depending on your priority status and the gender of child you want. I think that might be from the time the application is received or processed, but it could be from the time the homestudy is approved - I'm not sure.
-If you get a baby, you could have the baby as early as 3 months old, or even earlier.
-Children who come to the orphanage later than newborn, or babies or children with medical issues, are harder to adopt out. If a couple is willing to take an older child, or one with medical issues, they will put you on the fast-track for your homestudy and you could have a child within 6 months. These medical "issues" could range from mental retardation, to unfixed cleft palate, to heart defects, to umbilical hernias, etc.

That's sort-of the general information that comes to mind - now here's where we are:
-We have to fill out a packet of information and do some things and send it all in. Our packet then goes to a place in New Delhi to the national government for sorting and processing. Someone from the Indian Government who is here in the US (I think) will then contact us and set up a time to do a homestudy.
-I have called the US Government and left a message with someone about what we would need to do to get paperwork for the child to be able to enter the country. I think we might have a good situation here as far as N and I having different nationalities: we can get a baby faster from India through him, and we can get the baby into the States easier through my American citizenship. I have not yet heard back from them.
-I am not sure if I need to contact an adoption lawyer, although right now I haven't and don't see any reason to. Everything we have right now we can easily do on our own, and since the child would be coming from and Indian orphanage, I don't think we will have placement or custody issues - I am pretty sure the biological parents, when the child goes to the orphanage, relinquish their parental rights. And once we have it in the States, I don't think they could fight to get it back anyways.
-We have not yet decided what we want in a child. I know we don't care about gender (you don't get to pick that if it comes out of you). We have some serious talking and praying to do regarding the age and potential medical problems we are willing to accept. This is no light matter, and we want to be sure we are informed, but also let God lead us and not scare too easily. So many of the medical "issues" could be fixed with a surgery (simple or very complex) that a child might not be able to have in India, and I am not sure I am willing to disregard a child who has something wrong with him or her that could very well happen if we had a child biologically. We have also talked about the possibility of getting an older child (and our limit would likely be around 4 years old) because there is still a chance we could get pregnant. If we adopted an older child, and then got pregnant, there would still be some gap in our children's ages (which is what I would prefer).
-Praise the Lord! I actually called our insurance company today for something unrelated, and while I had the lady on the phone I decided to ask about how adopting a child with a known medical issue might affect coverage on that child under the presumption of "pre-existing condition" - that was one of the issues we decided we'd need to know about before accepting a child with a medical problem. She didn't know, so I got transferred around a bit, but the final answer I was given was that they would pay for anything, even in an older child, as they would if you birthed or adopted a newborn, keeping in mind our deductible and out-of-pocket max, etc. This is a HUGE blessing and quite encouraging, and I really think the insurance company is doing a good thing here that they wouldn't necessarily have to.
-I am not sure how little or much we will know about the child's past, family medical history, etc. We forgot to ask until now but I am sure there will be opportunities in the future.
-As I understand it, if we decided to go with an older child or one with medical issues, we could be parents by the end of 2008 :)

That's basically the gist of it - I have to get busy and get some paperwork and other things going. Then, I have to clean the house and get ready for the homestudy. And, as I said before, we have some serious praying and thinking to do regarding the aforementioned issues. God will lead, of that I am confident. I just want to be sure that we invite God into every step of this process. Please feel free to ask any questions if you have them. And we would very much appreciate your prayers for wisdom and discernment as we begin this very exciting journey!

Trip to Canada

A few hours ago, I dropped Narasimha off at the airport for his trip to Canada to get his visa stamped. Until now, this visa thing hasn't been a very easy process. There have been more problems since I wrote a post a few weeks ago about this trip which have just added to the frustrations. But none of that matters now. He will fly to Canada through Chicago, have his meeting on Wednesday morning I think at 8:30, and then hopefully get it accepted and stamped. If not, he will not be allowed back in the US. He has everything he needs (paperwork, etc.) but I don't know that that matters much. I guess if he got rejected I would have to meet him in India, and ultimately, we would have to move there for at least 2 years (same deal as back before we knew it was accepted for us to be able to move to M-town, for those who know about that whole deal). So, this is a pretty big thing for us. I would think that the chances that he would get rejected would be low, but still possible, and unpredictable I suppose. People have asked me if I am nervous about him going. I guess I hadn't really thought much about it until people started asking. But, as I see it, no real use worrying - that sure won't change anything (that doesn't mean I won't maybe at least a little...). So, I will pray. And, if you are the praying sort, I would request prayer from you who may read this as well.

How to pray for us in the next few days:
-Safety travelling - flights on Tuesday and Thursday, and I have heard there is yucky weather in the forecast.
-That the visa would be stamped, and on time.
-If things don't work out the way we think they should, that we can see God through the trials and be able to thank Him for whatever He sends our way.

Thanks for your prayers!