Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Narasimha and I had a very busy last week or so - here is some of what we did for Christmas.

Weekend of December 21-23: Christmas with my Mom's side of the family. This was at my Mom and Dad's house in central Iowa. In attendance were my Grandpa and Grandma, my 10 aunts and uncles, 16 cousins, and my Dad, Mom, and my three siblings. I was very thankful because that was the weekend Narasimha got home from Canada, so he got to join us. I was also varying degrees of miserable for most of the weekend with a sinus infection that I still actually have after a whole week on antibiotics - yuck!

Christmas Eve: Narasimha had to work in the morning, so when he got home in the afternoon we relaxed for a while, and then I made chili for dinner. We ate dinner, and then drove around M-town for over an hour and looked at Christmas lights. We found some pretty good displays. We got home and opened our gifts for each other, and then watched part of a movie to wind down.

Christmas Day: We got up early and headed to Dad and Mom's house for Christmas there with my immediate family. In the morning we opened gifts as a family, and for lunch went to our neighbor's house for our traditional Christmas dinner. When we got done eating, we napped most of the afternoon on the floor of my childhood bedroom (we slept on the floor so the dogs could sleep with us). Then, back to the neighbor's house for dinner and annual neighborhood party, followed by a little ice skating on the lake my parents live on. We returned to our house by that night, because Narasimha had to work on Wednesday.

We were supposed to have a Christmas for my Dad's side of the family this weekend, but my grandma wasn't feeling well, so my parents went to Wisconsin to visit her and my aunt and uncle and family, while Narasimha and I stuck around and tried to finish some projects at home.

I very much enjoyed everything we did, and everyone we got to see, during the last week or so. I received nice and thoughtful gifts, and I think my shopping and was mostly successful this year. I also enjoyed, as always, the time spent thinking about Jesus and all Christmas means for the promises I have from God.

We hope you had a great time with family and friends during this holiday season, and hope you had a chance to reflect on "The Reason for the season" in some way as you celebrated this year.

Home for Christmas!

People started calling the Embassy yesterday morning, but we decided mid-morning to lay off, since the Embassy doesn't have to do what anyone says, and might get passive-aggressive if people bug them too much. So we had to wait until 3pm (Ottawa time). Narasimha bought new shoes and went to stand in line a whole hour early, so he could be the first one there at 3. His plane was supposed to leave at 4, and the airport was about 15-20 mins away, the traffic was terrible, and the city was covered in several inches of snow. Before he stood in line, we already knew his flight was delayed like 30 mins, and he had checked in online before then. So N. called me from the airport - he had gotten there fine, in plenty of time, and actually somehow was able to go through immigration there. There was a problem with his ECFMG thing (mentioned in a previous post) but the nice immigration lady believed Narasimha and actually fixed it and said he shouldn't have that problem again (if that was really that easy, I'm SHOCKED!). So Narasimha made his flight to Detroit, but it was delayed before he was on it, and again for after an hour once everyone boarded, so he missed his flight from Detroit to Minneapolis. He was in Detroit, and he actually saw our good friends from his residency at the airport - kinda random - they now live in Ohio, and they were going to Alabama for Christmas. So Narasimha was given a confirmation number for a later flight to Minneapolis, but was then told the flight was full and he would have to wait. Somehow he got on, and landed in Minneapolis after 10 pm. He got his rental, and drove home. It was super foggy, so he got home right at 3:30 am. It is so good to have him back - we'll call this our "Christmas Miracle."

Stuck

So not even 2 minutes after I published the last post, the lady from Senator Harkin's office called me back. She said that Narasimha's visa had been processed, and was done, but that it had just been done so he was going to miss his flight. I hung up, and just waited because I still hadn't talked to him for several hours (at this point, he didn't even know that I had ever talked to the Senator's people). I waited a while, and still hadn't heard, so I called the hotel to see if they had seen him. The transferred me, and next thing I hear is Narasimha saying "hello." I asked him if he got his visa. He said it wasn't done, so he came back to the hotel and checked back in. I told him that I had just talked to the Senator's office, and that it was supposedly done. We didn't know what time the Embassy closed, but he decided to run (literally) and see if he could get it. By this point he was too late to catch his flight. So he ran to the Embassy and it was closed, but someone was there and talked to him. They went in to look if the visa was finished. They came back out and said it wasn't, and that he could come back tomorrow after 3:00 pm. They also said "How would the Senator's office know it was done?" So he came back and called me, and I called Senator Harkin's office again. I talked to the lady who helped me before, and she said that it had definitely gotten printed, because she talked to the main boss of the whole Embassy, and that person said it was done. So no visa today, and no real proof that it's really ready. The only flight that Narasimha can find for tomorrow leaves Ottawa at like 4:00, and lands in Minneapolis. But Narasimha says the roads are pretty bad up there, so even if he did get the visa right at 3:00, it would still be pushing it to make a 4:00 flight in the traffic of the Friday before Christmas, with the roads in not-great condition. And, if this visa thing doesn't get taken care of by tomorrow, the earliest Narasimha could leave Canada would be next Thursday, because everything is closed for the first half of next week.

Apology and Update

First, I want to apologize for my little "vent" from yesterday's post. A good and wise friend once told me something along these lines: "Venting is making something that's not really about you about only you." Not to say that this whole situation isn't about me or doesn't affect me (us), but the bigger picture tells me that ultimately this situation is because for some reason I don't yet and might never understand, God allowed this to happen in our lives. For whatever reason, God wants Narasimha in Canada right now, and this is how He chose to get him and keep him there.

Verses that have been helpful to me today:
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation (trial) has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted (tested) beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

A few things I have considered since yesterday:

This "problem" isn't about the following things: Government workers needing to be below a certain IQ level to be able to be hired; My Christmas could be ruined; Life isn't fair - why me (us)?; Any number of things having to do with racism, etc.

God wants to teach me something through this trial as with any situation, good or bad. Something I think He wants to show me is that I should let more of me be operated by Him. Today I am much more calm about this whole thing than I was yesterday, which is good - I have had a change of heart and attitude. But that's not good enough. God doesn't want me to be joyful and Christ-like long after any given situation arises. God wants my first reaction to reflect what it should. Our Pastor at our previous church once said something like this: "As I grow as a Christian, I can see the time shorten between my first reaction to a problem and my ability to see God in the problem."

My attempt at a non-venting update:
-We haven't heard anything from anyone who knows anything for sure.
-Narasimha checked out of his hotel room at noon. He will go to the Embassy at 3:30 to see if by some chance it got done by today. If it isn't done, he will check back into the hotel. If it is done, perfect, his plane will leave a few hours later.
-The people who called Narasimha a few weeks ago, and who he called back about a week ago, was the Department of State. When Narasimha gave the lady the information, she thanked him and said that everything would be ready for his interview.
-The people who run the Embassy are from I think the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services?). Their programs aren't updated with the information Narasimha gave to the Dept. of State, which is apparently the problem.
-Narasimha has physical pieces of paper with him right now in Canada that have the information that the Dept. of State needed, and that now the Embassy needs. This isn't good enough - the Embassy needs it in the computer, and I guess they can't put it there themselves.
-Another issue came up yesterday when Narasimha was at the Embassy, and the man who interviewed him said it wasn't an issue for this stamping process, but that it would be when Narasimha tries to cross the border to get back to the US. This problem is regarding N's status with the ECFMG (Educational Commissioner of Foreign Medical Graduates). The man told Narasimha to call the facility he just graduated from and ask them to update it. Narasimha called his old program people, and they didn't get back to him, so he called ECFMG directly. The man who he talked to from ECFMG was really nice to N, and said that this is "getting out of hand." Apparently N isn't the first person with this problem, and Narasimha's status IS updated in their computer, but somehow must not be getting updated in the INS computers (sound familiar?). So, if/when all the current stuff gets resolved, Narasimha still might not be allowed back in due to this issue at the border.
-Narasimha's hospital has been in contact with our state representative, who called/emailed several people yesterday but didn't hear back as of this morning.
-My sister works for some important government person who gave my sister the name of a woman in Senator Harkin's office. My sister called this woman in Senator Harkin's office this morning, and that woman called me. A few hours ago when I talked to her, I gave her some information that I could find here (N. left me copies of everything) and she was going to call the Embassy in Ottawa directly. I have not yet heard back from her.
-Narasimha has been frustrated obviously from Canada as well - he said people who he talks to are often rude and less than helpful, and they act so casual about everything (like this thing that is going on isn't that big of a deal and it doesn't matter to get it done quickly/efficiently).
-There are a million more little details that I can't remember right now - I will post again if anything changes.

Update on visa processing

So Narasimha arrived in Canada ok - last night at about 10:30. This morning he had his appointment at 8:30, and called me shortly after and said that something had gone wrong, and that they hadn't stamped his passport (or given his visa, or whatever) and that they said he would have to come back NEXT Friday to get it, because that's when it would be done. Apparently N's appointment time came this morning, and he had everything he was supposed to have, and the guy who was doing his "interview" said, well, you didn't call us back when we called, and we need this other information. Side Note: They did call our house, about 1.5 weeks ago, and Narasimha did call them back, about a week ago and told them everything they needed to know (another 1-900 number that I have come to love so much with these people). Narasimha told him this, and the guy said that apparently the system hadn't been updated yet, so they didn't have the info they needed. So the visa wouldn't get done this week, and since next week is Christmas, the offices are closed for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. So the earliest he said it would get done would be next Friday. Merry Christmas from Ottawa apparently. So Narasimha left - he can't really say anything to these people because then they can just say, well, you don't like it, then go back to your home country without any visa at all. This has happened to people Narasimha knows. So, Narasimha left, and called the CEO of his hospital, and the CEO called the state senator or someone. Then, a while after I talked to Narasimha, someone from the Embassy in Ottawa called Narasimha's cell phone, which I have, and said that they had called Washington DC about this problem, and that Narasimha could try to pick up the visa on this Friday afternoon, but of course, there were no guarantees. So Narasimha will almost certainly miss his flight home tomorrow evening, and of course, being the weekend before Christmas, there are not many flights left to choose from pretty much until Christmas is over. And, even if he does get his visa Friday, it doesn't look like he'll know that he's getting it until they put it in his hand, which makes planning ahead slightly difficult. On top of all this, he only anticipated being there 2 nights, so he only took a carry-on bag, because he was afraid if he checked his luggage, they would lose it, and he wouldn't get his suit in time for his interview this AM. So he has enough clothes for 2 days. After much of this drama had played out, we were talking to Narasimha's brother on the phone, who happens to be an immigration attorney in the US. He said the reason for the delay is because the government is switching over to a new "easier" system for all this, and they made the switch about a week ago, and by the looks of it, it's not going well (shocking, I know). So, summary: Narasimha is stuck in Canada, and very well could be over Christmas, and no one will tell him what's going on, and the government is (obviously) not ready to fix what they screwed up. I am trying not to get mad, but it's tough. Not for me - I can go to my family's and hang out. Narasimha is going to be in that hotel room for possibly 10+ days, and over Christmas. I expected that this would be annoying - immigration stuff always is - but in this case, the government has definitely exceeded my expectations, and unfortunately not in a good way.

Trip to Canada

A few hours ago, I dropped Narasimha off at the airport for his trip to Canada to get his visa stamped. Until now, this visa thing hasn't been a very easy process. There have been more problems since I wrote a post a few weeks ago about this trip which have just added to the frustrations. But none of that matters now. He will fly to Canada through Chicago, have his meeting on Wednesday morning I think at 8:30, and then hopefully get it accepted and stamped. If not, he will not be allowed back in the US. He has everything he needs (paperwork, etc.) but I don't know that that matters much. I guess if he got rejected I would have to meet him in India, and ultimately, we would have to move there for at least 2 years (same deal as back before we knew it was accepted for us to be able to move to M-town, for those who know about that whole deal). So, this is a pretty big thing for us. I would think that the chances that he would get rejected would be low, but still possible, and unpredictable I suppose. People have asked me if I am nervous about him going. I guess I hadn't really thought much about it until people started asking. But, as I see it, no real use worrying - that sure won't change anything (that doesn't mean I won't maybe at least a little...). So, I will pray. And, if you are the praying sort, I would request prayer from you who may read this as well.

How to pray for us in the next few days:
-Safety travelling - flights on Tuesday and Thursday, and I have heard there is yucky weather in the forecast.
-That the visa would be stamped, and on time.
-If things don't work out the way we think they should, that we can see God through the trials and be able to thank Him for whatever He sends our way.

Thanks for your prayers!

Christmas Meme

I was tagged in a blog from a friend and fellow blogger to answer the questions on the Christmas Meme. I normally get a few of these each year in my email (and have this year too), and always intend to fill them out, but put it off long enough and then never end up doing it. They're fun, so I'll post mine here too :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Mostly red and silver wrapping paper (all the same, changed yearly) which matches our tree decor - although I do use bags for grab-bag gifts or irregularly shaped things sometimes.
2. Real tree or artificial? Fake for sure. I love the smell of real ones, but I can get that in a candle, and then I don't have to deal with dead needles, bugs/mice (potentially), the tree holder leaking, getting rid of the tree at the end, etc.
3. When do you put up your tree? Since we do fake trees, anytime AFTER Thanksgiving - even the next day would be ok with me. But this year we've been slow, so maybe tonight.
4. When do you take the tree down? Um, any time after Christmas is fine - although hopefully by New Year.
5. Do you like eggnog? Yeah, although not as much as Narasimha does. I won't buy it for him until after Thanksgiving though. I also like to use it as coffee creamer, or sometimes I put it in French toast mix instead of milk.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? One that sticks out is my microscope set that I got in like 5th grade - I was a science dork.
7. Do you have a Nativity scene? Yes - and that is one "Christmas" decoration that I have considered leaving out all year around, although I would move it to a more central location in December.
8. Hardest person to buy for? Definitely my dad, although the older my little brother gets, the harder I am finding it is to buy for him too.
9. Easiest person to buy for? Narasimha - he likes everything!
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? The ones I probably hated receiving the most, not that they were necessarily bad, were clothes as a kid - never seems like very much fun (some kids probably like it - I was a tomboy).
11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Snail mail, although if my list keeps getting longer and the price of stamps keeps going up, I might reconsider (though I don't think I'd ever change my practice).
12. Favorite Christmas movie? There are a few cute ones, but I don't know that I have a favorite. Narasimha and I started a tradition of getting a new Christmas movie each year to watch on Christmas Eve after we get done with everything else.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? In a perfect world, I would be done, or at least know what I'm getting everyone, by Thanksgiving. I don't like to put that off, because I do not like shopping with an agenda. This year, I am still far from finished.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don't think so.
15. Favorite things to eat at Christmas? Anything with salt (not much of a sweet-tooth).
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear on the fancy one, colored on the fun one. Right now we only have a fancy one, but someday we'll have both.
17. Favorite Christmas song? I like almost all Christmas music - except some of the secular music, or nice Christ-centered songs redone "trash-ily" by secular artists. I am also not a big fan of taking something very traditional and really changing the melody. But back to the question - I really really love "O Holy Night" ever since I started really listening to Christmas music, and in the last few years I like "O Come Emmanuel" a lot too.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? The last few years we have done our Christmas on Christmas Eve at home, Christmas day with my family at their house, and then my grandparents' on separate weekends sometime around Christmas. This schedule working on any given year in the future will be contingent upon N's call schedule.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, but only if I sing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" in my head.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? For each other - Christmas Eve. With my family - Christmas morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The secular-ization - taking "Christ" out of "CHRIST-mas." Also, the strong focus on gift buying and how material we as a society make the celebration of Jesus' birth.
23. What is the "corniest" family tradition you do, or miss doing? I can't really think of anything "corny" - my dad is always a goof when we're opening presents - does that count?
24. Ugliest Christmas Decoration ever invented? Anything over-done. Actually, the thing I hate the most is those huge bubble things people put in their yards, with the lights and fake blowing snow and stuff - I think those are really tacky.
25. Which looks the best, theme trees or homey trees? There's a time and place for both, although my definition of "theme" would be any certain color-combo.
26. What does Christmas mean to you? Jesus willingly coming here - we are celebrating our God in the flesh. Without His coming, we wouldn't be able to celebrate Easter, or go be with Him in heaven when our time here is done. What a special and amazing thing - if I sit and think about Jesus here, walking on our earth, and everything that means, and all the prophecy fulfilled, it's almost more than I can wrap my head around.

Another "Special" Day

My birthday was this week - another year older. I am getting to the age where that's no longer always a great thing :) Narasimha gets off work early every Wednesday, so we celebrated then. He came home and asked me to sit in our room while he set up my surprise. A few minutes later, he called me out. There was an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen (his specialty :) with all this fire on top. So I blew out the candles and we had a piece of (yummy) cake - he knows that I love it. Then, he gave me my gift. I got a nice brown purse which I have had my eye on.

I really do like it - he did a great job of buying the one I showed him on the internet :) Then, I got to pick where we went for supper. I don't think we have had a good Indian meal since we moved in June, and I was really craving it. So I asked him if we could go all the way to Des Moines and have some Indian food. Of course he didn't say no :) So we went to a restaurant I have never eaten at before - the ambiance was better than most of the Indian restaurants that we have been to (seems like many Indian restaurants, especially the ones where the food is good, have that hole-in-the-wall sort of feel).

The food was good - one of the dishes that we got - mutton (lamb) biriyani - was delicious! I am so happy there are leftovers. Then, on the way home, we stopped at my parents' house and I got to hear happy birthday from most of my family in person. That was the fun part of my birthday.

The other part was the night before. We were watching TV, and my anatomy book was sitting on the couch (I just finished a course where I used it), so I started flipping through it. I went to the chapter on embryology, and then to the chapter on the reproductive system, and it got me thinking about pregnancy. First - how amazing the process is, and how little babies wouldn't be born, with the intricacies of the process, by chance and science alone (God's work is amazing!). Second - how this has not yet happened to me. Then I started counting, and realized it has been 18 months of unsuccessful trying for us. Which I know, some people have tried lots longer than that, but it made me sad for us thinking about it.

We have come to the point in our journey where nearly every happy occasion is met with the happiness that is supposed to be felt, and also by an underlying sense of sadness, missing the little person who you want to be there celebrating with you, but isn't. I came to another birthday without a bassinette at the foot of our bed, and without ever experiencing a midnight feeding. Now, I know this is God's plan for us, and I am ok with that, or at least I try to be. But sometimes in my selfishness of wanting my plan to happen, I just want a baby. So I went to bed feeling pretty sad. God has been good when it comes to my attention. For how much I want this to happen, I really don't think about it all that much. And when I do, it is generally positive and passing. But that night, as I was laying there feeling more and more sad, I felt the tears well up. Narasimha had already fallen asleep, so I was trying to be quiet. I started crying, and this wasn't a watching-a-sad-movie, single-tear sort of cry. This was one of those cries where your whole body literally aches, and you feel your sadness deeper in your soul than you knew it could be - a visceral sort of grief that seems to make you hurt from the inside out. Most of the time I stop myself from crying about my missing baby, but this time I let it take me, and I took a moment and really grieved my coming to another year without my baby by my side. And when it was all over, I felt a little better. Obviously nothing has changed, but like, ok, so I can still take this because God wants me to and because I really don't have a choice.

There are things about this journey that I am so thankful for, and I don't even know that I would necessarily "undo" our infertility if given the chance - although one day I do hope it resolves. I will talk about the things I am thankful for another day - I think today's post is long enough.

Thoughts on Fostering

I was looking at my calendar this morning and realized that it was one year ago today that Narasimha and I attended an informational meeting about foster care. We knew at the time that having biological children could take a while for us, and we were not yet ready (and still really aren't) to start looking into adoption very seriously. We were, and are, waiting to see if God has biological children in our future. So we did some thinking, and foster care came up.

We know that foster care wouldn't be easy - many have warned us that it's not exactly a cakewalk. The kids often come from less than loving and nurturing situations, and often still have unwavering allegiance to the people they are being taken from. We have heard (from people who know first-hand) that this can be very frustrating. Also, many of the kids come from all kinds of abusive situations, which just adds to the baggage.

So...why bother with this? Our first thought was: why does it have to be about us? Why does it have to be easy or fun for us? Why can't it be about us giving of ourselves - our time, love, resources, etc., to someone who can't or won't give back? Who's to say that any biological children we would have, or children we would adopt, wouldn't tax us in some ways. I know there were times when I certainly gave my parents a run for their money.

We also feel like we have so much to give. We want to share what we have and help those in need. We both have backgrounds (work and education) that make us probably more qualified and ready than most people who are successful foster parents to be able to do this well - very little surprises us anymore. Not that we would be perfect by any means, but we could be stable and loving. From what I have heard, these two things are more than most kids in the system can count on.

Plus, sometimes we just think it would be fun to get kids in our home. Borrow someone else's while we wait, and hopefully help a family in the process. People who foster have the opportunity to work with the child(ren) and family to help figure out what works to get everyone living safely under the same roof again. With my own personal interest in eventually counseling, that work with "integration" sounds like something I would enjoy.

So, back to the meeting. We showed up, and our first question was if we would even be able to, with Narasimha not being a citizen. We sat through the meeting, and were still interested, and talked to the woman at the end about our concern. She said she didn't know about citizenship issues, but she thought (and I had already thought) that maybe I could be a foster parent, and Narasimha could get certified as another adult living in the home. Kinda like if people are foster parents, and like one of the foster parent's parents lives with them, they still have to do a background check, and a sex offender check on that person. They have to do checks on any adult living in the home. So we thought maybe that would work. The only thing the woman said was that Narasimha wouldn't be able to keep the kids for the overnights by himself. He could watch them for a few hours at a time by himself, like for a few hours in an evening, but not for a whole night. That didn't bother us, because we almost never spend the nights separately - especially where I would be the one to leave. Sometimes he leaves when he is on call, but that wouldn't be against the rule. So we thought it would maybe work.

We went home and sent in the paperwork. A lady called us back and I told her about our situation with the citizenship. She said she would look into it. In a few days she called back, and said that no, we wouldn't be able to do foster care until Narasimha had his green card (which is still several years off, in our situation). Narasimha is currently, and always has been, here legally. I asked her if she had looked into the scenario we thought - me be the official "parent" and him be another adult living in the home. She said that since we were married, that can't work. If a couple is married, they both have to be certified foster parents. Our scenario, she said, would work if we were living together and not married. Then both people don't have to be certified foster parents (and maybe can't be certified as a couple, who knows). I also know that same-sex couples (who obviously aren't married) are allowed to foster.

So we basically had to forget about that. It's ok - it's obviously not God's plan for our family right now. At the same time, I felt really frustrated. I felt like (once again) our society is attacking the Biblically-defined institution of marriage. Basically, we want to and are able to give of ourselves in this way, but the government won't let us because we are married, where if we were unmarried (or homosexual) and living together, we would be rewarded.

I have heard that there might be ways for us to do foster care in this county - when we moved, we changed counties, and I heard that the county we came from might be more strict. I haven't looked into that. I have also heard that there are independent foster care opportunities. I don't know anything about that, but when things slow down a bit, we might check into that route.

So, today I am remembering foster children in my prayers. Their struggles, situations, and the families they are coming from. And, with the above criteria, even the families they are placed into. I have known many foster kids from my previous job, and my heart goes out to those displaced children - now during the holiday season and everyday they live their lives essentially in limbo.