Thanks

I would like to share something I am thankful for this year. Here goes...

I am thankful for our infertility. Don't get me wrong - I am still sad, and I still want a baby as much as ever (though I am working on being ok with the very real possibility that children might not be in my future), but I am working on having a thankful heart for this and everything else I have in life, whether it feels "good" or "bad."

God loves me and promises to give me His best for me. Our infertility is a gift from God. It's tough to see it, and especially to feel it, but it is theologically true. Infertility is God's best for my life. It is a blessing. It is being used to grow me into the person God wants me to be. It enables me to serve in the areas God wants me to serve. It gives me compassion to minister to those who need compassion as only I, in my unique circumstances, can give.

It is not easy, trust me, and just this last week I have had to deal with some painful information regarding this whole infertility journey. But it's ok. And not only is it ok - it's what's best for me. And, it's hard for me to be thankful for this. But I am working on thinking this way all the time. It's a work in progress.

Thanksgiving Day was spent with my family. We were able to take one of our youth group girls with us to spend the day, and it was fun to have her around and spend time with her.

Friday we got up very early (1:30 AM) and drove to Des Moines to do Black Friday shopping. We were at the mall by 3:30, and we didn't get home until almost 6 PM. Then to dinner with friends.

It was a good weekend, fun with family and friends. Now back to the grind and getting ready for this holiday season and what's sure to be a very busy winter. Just looking at my calendar for the next few months makes my head spin.

Hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving with family and friends, and hope you were able to take some time to reflect on the blessings God has given you - whether obvious or "hidden."

Thank you, Jesus, for "working all things together for good." (Romans 8:28)

The Holiday Season

I love celebrating Jesus' birth, but hate how the whole season turns into a mad dash.

I love meditating on Jesus, and reading prophesies and Scriptural accounts of His birth, but detest how I get so swept up in the season as our culture defines it that I hardly make time to open my Bible, let alone meditating on anything.

I love shopping for gifts for people, but hate standing in mile-long lines, often with other worn-out and grumpy shoppers.

I love a season that promotes peace and love, but hate how the very business of the season gives me a headache and turns me into a grump.

I love sending Christmas cards and letters to keep in touch with family and friends, but find searching for addresses annoying.

I love Christmas music, even some of the secular stuff, but find by the end of the season I'm not sad to see it go (especially since some radio starts playing it after Halloween!).

I love decorating for Christmas, but hate that I'm so disorganized and can't find my stuff.

I love receiving Christmas cards and letters. I can't find anything I dislike about that.

I like receiving gifts, but hate hate hate how the celebration of Jesus' birth turns into this materialistic greedy and selfish acquisition of worthless stuff.

I like getting together with family and friends, but hate how I can't stop eating at the get-togethers. :)

I appreciate how every year I seem to get through the season with fond memories and happy pictures and good times, but get disgusted with myself when I vow that the next year will be more organized, more peaceful, and better, and I never follow through.

I don't mind Santa, but detest a culture that chooses Santa over Jesus, and kicks Jesus out of His own birthday party any way they can, and increasingly every single year.

I love Christmas, religiously and culturally, and I always hate to see the season end.

But, right now, I'm loving boring January :)

A New Year

It's a New Year, and no better time than that to make some changes in life, right? Well, I am big on lists (part of my slightly obsessive personality) and have always been big on "New Year's Resolutions." However, sometimes when you call them that it seems daunting and cliché. So, this year I am changing my terminology. This year they're just going to be "Goals for '09." We'll see if the lexical swap does anything for my ability to keep up with them ;) Here are a few that I will share:

- Spend time in God's Written Word and prayer every day.
- Run at least 1000 miles this year (and possibly marathon #2).
- Be more organized on all fronts. Get my house clean and then keep it that way most of the time. Be ready for company at the drop of a hat. Get in a daily routine and stay in it. Make meal plans and stick with them. Sort through every single piece of paper in my house and either put it in it's place, or pitch it (which means I have to establish a lot of "places.") Clean out all the closets - and get rid of the junk! You get the idea. This will be a lot of work, but SOOOOO worth it!
- I don't have a pound goal. I never do. However, I would like to work out more consistently and eat a much healthier diet than we do. I figure if I do those 2 things, the pounds take care of themselves.
- Read more - "business" and pleasure ;)
- Possibly pursue more schooling - that'll be something to think about.
- Work on amending my lingering personality flaws. There are many. They are annoying and unacceptable, though I seem to accept them and they persist through thick and thin. If you know of something I should be working on, you should tell me so I can :)
- Either pick up a new and exciting pastime, or spend more time doing things that I call hobbies - like playing trumpet, scrapbooking, learning a few languages, training my dogs, etc.

I'm sure there are more, but I'm tired. And that's a decent start. Does anyone have any they care to share?

Let's see, just for fun, how I did with the resolutions I posted at the beginning of '08.

#1: "Taking better advantage..." - I didn't do as well as I had hoped, though it wasn't a total failure. Certainly nothing to be proud of.

#2: "Manifesting more attributes..." - Again, I feel like progress was made. However, not as much as I would have liked. I'll have to keep working on both of these in 2009.

#3: "Giving of myself..." - I tried. I can think of things I did which were a step in the right direction, though I don't know if I can always claim pure motives and thoughts. Another work in progress...

#4: "Being 'better'..." - Progress was made. I'm certainly not perfect.

#5: "Getting more prepared..." - I hope so. I have no way to measure this. So we'll have to say maybe and leave it at that.

#6: "Getting organized..." - Well, judging by what I said my goal was for '09 I'm going to have to say I didn't do all that well with it in '08. Not a great track record. I made a little progress, but not nearly enough. Try again.

#7: "Learning..." - Nope. I didn't. Not any of them. Hardly worked on them. Another to try again.

#8: "Reprioritizing..." - Well, I suppose I did to a certain extent. I'll have to keep working here too.

#9: "Keeping in touch better..." - Actually, I did do a little better at this one in '08. I'm happy - I love my family and friends.

#10: "Getting in shape..." - Well, I did, and then I got back out. So I get to start over. But I did get that first marathon done.

#11: "Training my dogs..." - Unfortunately not as much as I'd have liked. They're all fairly well behaved, but there could be work to do if I made myself do it. Just another thing to keep plugging away at...

Well, that was a humbling little exercise. Do you do any sort of annual personal inventory? It's humbling, and a little encouraging. I have a lot of work to do!

Merry Christmas!

My family, friends and I had a wonderful and blessed Christmas - I hope the same is true for you and yours.

Christmas Eve Narasimha and I celebrated at home with gifts and special time together. Our exciting joint gift this year was an espresso machine. I'm finding out that making espresso drinks is more of an art than I remembered from my days as a barista in the coffee shop of my dorm freshman year of college. We'll have to see how this goes...

Christmas Eve we drove to Dad and Mom's so we could wake up there after sleeping in a bit longer than if we came in the morning. We opened gifts as a family, and then off to the neighbors (no blood relation, but still family) for Christmas dinner - an annual tradition. Then the Christmas Day nap, and back over to the neighbors for leftovers and more time with family and friends.

I am also fortunate enough to get together with both Mom and Dad's sides for weekends around Christmas time - one down, one to go later into the New Year.

The bummer of the day: Narasimha had a slip on our digital camera and we lost all of our pics. Actually, I haven't transferred pictures to our computer from the camera since right after our marathon in October, so we lost several hundred pictures of some special times, including all of today's. I'm pretty bummed, and Narasimha is really kicking himself. So, I'd post a few pics of us and my family, but I can't... He has been frantically searching the internet since his flub a bit ago, and there is a chance we can hire someone to "retrieve" them. The free software he found on the internet isn't working... We'll have to see when everything opens back up early next week. I guess technology works best when it's on your side... :(

Snow

I wanted to give a review of this album on my blog - I think this is possibly my favorite Christmas CD. One I can listen to over and over and over again. I recommend it - it's lots of fun. And, technically, Go Fish is a kids' group. However, their slogan is something to the effect of "Music that kids love that won't drive their parents bonkers." And I agree - I don't even have kids and I listen to it voluntarily :) I have also put the lyrics of two of the songs on the blog just a bit ago - the words to these songs (Go Fish originals, I believe) are powerful and important. Hope you enjoy my "review." :) **Note: I am no music expert. That will likely be obvious to those of you who may be. These are just my thoughts with a little music terminology that I hope I used correctly... If you're an expert, read on at your own risk ;)

1. Joy To The World - This Christmas classic is tweaked Go Fish style. It's great to sing along with - upbeat and fun, and as far as I can tell the voices are accompanied by drums only, and only a little. 3 of the 4 verses are recorded, along with a small interlude of Go Fish original material. The unison voices in this piece I think show the musicianship of the group.

2. We Three Kings - A little slower than the first, and a few more percussion instruments than drums for accompaniment. Still lots of fun. Another small Go Fish interlude. Lots of emphasis on Jesus being Christmas' "star." 2 of 5 verses, but the first verse is sung twice (before and after second verse).

3. Away In A Manger/Beautiful Savior - A capella. Beautiful. Slow and "quiet." The group's bass singer is great I think - and the whole song has real depth. 2 verses of Away In A Manger, though the second verse has slightly different words than I'm used to. Transition into Beautiful Savior, which I think is a great combo focusing on who the Baby in the manger was. 1 verse of Beautiful Savior.

4. Christmas Time - Fun with a good beat. A Go Fish original, I think. Drum accompaniment. A jab at Santa that I can appreciate ;) Focus on cultural Christmas "atmosphere" with very clear and well-done Jesus focus in the middle. For some reason I feel like it's a mix (or somewhat of a remix) of one or a few popular secular Christmas songs, but I can't place which ones for sure. I don't know...

5. Christmas With A Capital "C" - Lyrics below. A Go Fish original, and I believe it's the name of their Christmas tour. An important song for Christians in an increasingly secular world who'd like to take Jesus right out of Christmas. Fun and funny with a message. Speaking parts by comedian Brad Stine who does a good job. Encouragement for us as Christians to stand up for ourselves against Santa and a culture who embraces him (only). I don't know that I go along with all the points made - however, I appreciate the stand being made. And, overall, their point is appropriate and well-said. And, since the target audience is children, I think the message does a good job of helping to give (our) kids the courage and attitude to stand up for Jesus. These songs are the things that stick with kids as they grow and face life.

6. White Christmas - A sort-of barber shop sound, voices and light drums, complete with snapping of fingers. The bass sings the melody on this one, and he's great. Fun and easy-going. The only song on the CD that never mentions Jesus, which is fine with me due to the heavy focus on the whole rest of the CD. A well-done Christmas classic.

7. Christmas And You - Somewhat of a "love song." Go Fish original. Voices and drums. Focus on celebrating Jesus with a person (or people) who are special to you. Great focus on Jesus and the point of His life. Some cultural (even "secular") Christmas references, well-done and appropriate I think. Fun and slower.

8. It's About The Cross - Great song. Medium speed. Lyrics below. Go fish original. Powerful way to bridge Christmas and its importance to Easter. Draws focus from "details" of the holiday to the "big picture." I truly can't pick a favorite between this and number 5. I feel like every line in the whole song is worthy of meditating on. Great song of worship and focus on our wonderful and sacrificial Father and Son. The line that I highlighted in the post below brings tears to my eyes every time I listen to it ("Every drop of blood...").

9. The Little Drummer Boy - You've heard it. They do it well. Starts slow and picks up a bit - great to sing along with (they all are). A great drum "line" - what would you expect? The voice/special/drum effects are very well done and a lot of fun to listen to. A good focus in the middle and at the end of giving what we can, no matter how small (details the "drumming" as service and praise), to our Savior. 3 verses. A lot of activity.

10. My Jesus I Love Thee - Not generally a Christmas song I don't think, but a great focus on praise to our Savior to round out the album. Piano, special effects and drums (I don't remember anything but percussion on any other song). This song, especially the way they do it, brings tears to my eyes. A true pledge of allegiance and love to our Savior Jesus, the Christ of Christmas. 3 verses. Medium speed, and in my opinion, wonderful musicianship and harmony line. I love it.

As you can probably tell, I love this album. I have listened to it a million times in the last month, and am sad to have to put it away for 11 months in a few days. There are a few small things I don't love about it (one that comes to mind is a few references to "kissing" and "mistletoe"). However, all things considered, I will likely be "jamming" to this album every Christmas for a long time.

Christmas With A Capital "C"

From Go Fish's Album Snow, with comedian Brad Stine (speaking parts - in italics).

Speaking:
I remember when people used to say things like "Merry Christmas" to each other.
Everybody said "Merry Christmas."
"Hey, Merry Christmas to you Mr. Lowenstein."
You know why? Cuz it wasn't about a religion.
It was something as a culture we thought was so valuable
that'd we'd all do it together even if I disagreed with the religion behind it because it was good for all of us instead of just me.
But what do people say now? "Happy holidays."
See I just say "Happy holidays" cuz I don't want to say Christmas cuz
you don't believe in Christmas and I don't want to offend you...

It's called Christmas

Well I went to the coffee shop to get myself a mocha
The lady at the counter said "Happy Holidays"
I said "Thanks lady, I am pretty happy
But there's only one holiday that makes me feel that way and..."

[Chorus]
It's called Christmas
What more can I say
It's about the birth of Christ
And you can't take that away
You can call it something else
But that's not what it'll be
It's called Christmas with a capital C

God's got a law and we've pretty much destroyed it
We're gonna get judged, there's no way to avoid it
But Jesus came down to take the punishment for me
He did it for you too, so now maybe you can see why

[Chorus]

It's called Christmas

Oh yes, we want to say "Happy holidays" because we don't want to leave anybody out. Really, how come there's a ton of holidays in February, and nobody ever says "Happy holidays" in February do they? They say what it is: "Happy Valentine's D..." Ooh, do you believe in love?

It's called Christmas

But nobody wants to say "Christmas" anymore more. Why? I know why - you do too. It's because it's got "Christ" in it, and after 2000 years, He's still intimidatin' people. You see, when a religious Person says "I am the Way" people don't want to hear it. They don't!

It's called Christmas

I say you've got to say "Merry Christmas" cuz it is. You don't believe in it? Fine. But I have a flash for you. Christianity happens to be the religious heritage of my country, whether you like it or not.

It's called Christmas

So if you're not a Christian, or you don't like it, and you don't want Christmas celebrated, God bless ya. But let me tell ya somethin', if you think you're gonna stop me from saying it because it offends you, hey I've got a flash for ya: Put a helmet on! It's my country too!

[Chorus x2]

It's About The Cross

From Go Fish's Album Snow.

It's not just about the manger where the Baby laid
It's not all about the angels who sang for Him that day
It's not just about the shepherds or the bright and shining star
Oh, it's not all about the wisemen who traveled from afar

[Chorus]
It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again
It's about the stone
That was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday
It's about the cross

It's not just about the presents underneath the tree
It's not all about the feeling that this season brings to me
It's not just about coming home to be with those you love
Oh, it's not all about the beauty and the snow I'm dreaming of

[Chorus]

The beginning of the story is wonderful and great
But it's the ending that can save you and that's why we celebrate

It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again
It's about God's love nailed to a tree
It's about every drop of blood that flowed from Him
When it should've been me
It's about the stone that was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday
It's about the cross

**Bolded emphasis mine.

What Were You Doing?

As we all have remembered at least once today by this time, today marks the 7-year anniversary of the horrific Sept. 11 attacks on America's east coast. Of course there will be news coverage, so we have some help in remembering to remember the events of that day.

The morning of the attacks I had class at 8:05 - Interpretation of Literature. Of course 8:05 Iowa time is 9:05 EST, so by the time class started some already knew about it. I didn't - the first attack would have probably taken place when I was walking to class. There was some talk of a plane crash that morning in class - that it had happened in NYC, and a plane ran into a building...but by then I don't remember there being talk of terrorist activity. My next class was Ultimate Frisbee (yeah, for real). By the time we got to that class, there was a little more information, but I don't think any of us yet knew how big that day was going to get (it was still only mid-morning). After that class I walked back to my off-campus apartment, and because of all the chatter of this plane crash, I clicked on the TV and witnessed for the first time with my own eyes the sadness and depravity unfolding in my living room. By noon-ish time in Iowa things were very chaotic on the east coast, and there were TV crews everywhere documenting what was going on. You remember the scene: people bloody and covered in white dust running down the streets confused and crying, people as small as dust particles jumping out of windows from the burning towers, make-shift hospitals set up in the streets, papers and dust everywhere in downtown NYC. I think they replayed the planes crashing into the sides of the buildings and the towers crashing down about a million times (as if once wouldn't have been enough to burn the image into anyone's brain). I stood there all alone in my apartment's living room and cried.

That afternoon we had Marching Band practice at 3:30. When I got there everyone was pretty solemn and some of the girls were crying. They sent us all home and told us to go call our parents, just to say hi.

My brother-in-law worked in NYC at the time, though I didn't know him yet. He was several blocks away from the attacks, but he did get stranded in the city for the night. I don't even know that Narasimha was able to get ahold of him for several hours to find out that he was ok.

7 years have passed, and I still feel very sad when I think about that day. With the exception of my brother-in-law, I don't even personally know anyone who was involved in the events of the day. When we visited NYC a few years ago I saw the old site of the WTC, and to me, it just looked like a big hole in the ground. I can tear up even thinking about the many that were devastatingly personally affected by all that happened that dreadful day.

This is not intended to be any sort of a political post, but here are some things to think about: How do the events of that day, and things that have transpired in our nation since then, affect our upcoming presidential election? What can you personally take responsibility for to make sure attacks like that don't happen in our country again? Do you remember to pray for those who lost and suffered as a result of the attacks? If you are a Christian, how are you showing your Jesus to the world around you?

What are your memories of the day? Do you have any questions to add to the few I put in the previous paragraph?

Proud To Be An American...

Happy Birthday to America! We had a fun at a picnic with family and friends at my parent's house today.

Hope everyone had a good time with whatever you did today - Thanks to all in our country's past and present who make celebrations like today possible...

Happy Birthday Narasimha!

Today was Narasimha's birthday. We didn't do a whole lot but I just wanted to acknowledge and say Happy Birthday - I'm not too good at planning stuff I guess. We are thinking about having some people over in a few weeks to celebrate. He probably wouldn't want me to divulge his secret, so if you want to know how old he is, you'll have to get it out of him :)

Memorial Day - We Remember

Today we remember our family and friends who are no longer with us.

I, as always, was asked to play Taps on my trumpet for ceremonies around the Des Moines area. We normally do services at 2 cemeteries and the WWII Monument in downtown Des Moines, and today we also did a short ceremony at a retirement home outside Des Moines.

I really appreciate the opportunity to be able to do this. I think I have done services every Memorial Day and Veteran's Day for about 12 years now (since high school). It is a simple way for me to serve others, and more important to me, it has taught me so much about our nation's history, and the price many have paid for my personal freedom. I have an appreciation for our military (especially World War era) that I doubt I would without having gone to so many of these ceremonies and hearing the speeches and stories from these brave men and women.

To me, Memorial Day is so much more than a day off work and BBQ-ing with family and friends, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to say that year after year.

Taps, at one of the cemeteries

The "Freedom Flames" at the WWII Monument in downtown Des Moines. The Memorial Day ceremony is held here every year.

Taps, at the WWII Memorial (after the 21-gun salute).

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I'm back - after somewhat of a blogging dry spell. It wasn't really intentional, but a combination of being busy around the house, and not a whole lot going on that I felt worthy of writing about.

So first off, Happy Mother's Day!!! To all the moms out there of course, but a few specifically on my heart today are: the mothers in my life (my mom, mother-in-law, grandmas), those mothers celebrating their first Mother's Day as mommies, and especially those who waited for any length of time to be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mommy (Loraena, thinking of you), and finally, a group of women dear to my own heart - those of us who want to be mommies with all that we are, but for any number of reasons aren't able to be at this time.

For those of us in waiting: if it is meant to be, it will happen when the time is right - of that I am sure.

I don't think I was as "bummed" today as I was a year ago with this same occasion. Read about last year's Mother's Day response here (skip the first 6 or so paragraphs of the post to get to the point). This is probably a combination of factors: more time passed getting used to the "wait," and hope for the future - by next year I certainly hope to either have a child by adoption or maybe even biology, or to know of one on the way. I guess I don't have a lot to say (quite contrary to last year and the link above) - I am in a phase of waiting, and I am doing what I can to be proactive with the situation and working on being "ok" with all of what that entails, and that's really all I can do at this point.

Plus, we had visitors last night, which was super duper fun :) Friends from our old town/church came to spend the night on their way through town. It was so much fun to talk and reconnect. I feel like we haven't even missed a beat with them. And actually, we found out on Monday (a week ago) that they are expecting their first child in December, so in a way, we got to spend their first Mother's Day with them. And, it was also Erin's birthday today, so that was fun too - all sorts of celebrations! We weren't as good of hosts as I would have liked - the guest bedroom is the one with the flooding so they had to sleep in the family room, but they seemed to have a good time anyways :)

And finally, we and our doggies get the pleasure of their dog Muffin's company for half of the week as they are on vacation in Minneapolis - they are picking her up on the way back through town on Wednesday. She's used to things being a little different than they are here I think, being accustomed to a 1-dog house, but is getting along just fine for now :)

Christ the Lord is Risen Today!

Yesterday was the day that we set aside time to specifically remember Christ's resurrection from the grave. What an exciting thought! Something that really stuck out at me from the service we attended yesterday was that Christ chose to go to the cross. He wasn't manipulated or tricked, and was in fact all-knowing, so when He made His way toward Jerusalem, He knew that what was ahead of Him would not be pleasant for Him, but was absolutely necessary and was actually the whole reason He came to live among us here on earth in the first place. He knew what He had to do - what His calling was from God the Father, and he willingly and wholeheartedly went to the place where He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what awaited Him there. It certainly was an act of selfless and unadulterated love for us that He was willing to do what He did, and suffer as He did as a result of no fault of His own. I love to celebrate and meditate on the love of Jesus Christ, directed toward me, during the very special Easter holiday.

Another reason yesterday was so great was that we actually attended church at our old church in I-town. We still miss everyone there a lot, and just love it when we are able to see all of them. We got to chat with some of our "forever" friends, and see all the kids shooting up like weeds. It has been several months since we have seen many of them.

May I encourage you that if you don't know what I'm talking about above - you can't get excited about Easter because you don't understand what's the big deal, please contact me at the email address listed at the very bottom of the page. I would love to share with you my excitement and thankfulness for this special day, and all it means to me as a free and priceless gift from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

And, I hope that no matter what you did yesterday (and Friday) to remember and celebrate what Jesus did for you, it was meaningful and enjoyable for you and your family and friends.

4 Years Together

Last week Narasimha and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary - exciting :) N got off work early, so we went shopping, and then to a restaurant called Rock Bottom which is in Des Moines. The food was good, and fun to reflect on the time we've had together (actually we talked about something a little unorthodox for such an occasion - maybe I'll post it someday). It's been a lot of fun, and always a learning experience. Of course it hasn't always been rosy - no relationship is - but it's fun to look back and see the different ways that God has shown us over the years that yes, this is the way our lives were supposed to turn out. I can't even believe some of the times I have looked at us, or a certain situation, and thought wow, this sure is something special. Sometimes people ask us if we have a hard time with our differences (the obvious big ones, like being raised in separate cultures and countries, and with different religions, etc.). Very uninterestingly, the answer is no. Those "big" differences cause almost no (if none at all) friction between us - when we fight it's about the mundane or dumb little things, probably much like the rest of you American-only couples. I am so thankful for my husband, and for our family that God will someday give us, and all the many blessings I have in both of these. I wanted to share the words of one of the songs that was sung at our wedding (made popular on the radio by Steven Curtis Chapman) - the words are so true, and every passing day and year I have our future to look more and more forward to.

I Will Be Here
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
And I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you mean to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise that I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
We'll be together
And I will be here

Happy Sankranthi!

Today was the holiday "Sankranthi" - and because we're in India, we celebrated with my in-laws. This is the holiday of flying kites. We went up to the terrace on top of Narasimha's family's house, which didn't end up being tall enough to get any wind. So then we went up onto the roof of an apartment building across the street. Basically, everyone has these kites made out of like tissue paper, and then you tie them to this special string that has crushed glass glued to it. And the point is, all these people are flying their kites at the same time, and you try to "cut" the kites of others. You make your string run into their string hard enough to literally cut it (with the glass) and then they lose their kite. There's probably some skill involved in actually getting your kite into the air and making it stay there, but beyond that, you are pretty much at the mercy of the wind and whatever way it decides to blow. We had 2 kite fatalities and then had to come in for dinner :) Narasimha kept telling his mom "Just 5 more minutes." I'm sure she's heard that before, as have I :) I am sure the holiday has some sort of Hindu ties, but I don't know what it is...kind of like Christmas (sadly) is in America, the religion behind it wasn't necessary to fly the kite. My mother-in-law also gave me a beautiful bright blue/turquoise saree made out of a special silk as a gift for the holiday. I will try to wear it here before I return to the States.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Last night Narasimha and I sat around with friends at their house and talked and laughed to ring in the New Year - nothing too exciting, but something we would much prefer over say "going out." We had a good time :) Then today Narasimha didn't have to work so we started to get ready for our crazy January (more to come about that later in the week). I know it's kinda nutty, and often doesn't do any good, but I am a New Year's Resolution person. I think I always have been - sometimes I'll flip through notebooks I had when I was younger - little even - and find funny lists that were to serve as my resolutions on any given new year. It's funny to see how our priorities change over time :) I was going to share some of the things I have thought about resolving to do during 2008 - this isn't everything I have thought of, and I am sure I'll forget some stuff because I haven't actually written anything down until now. I will try to make this in order of importance.

-Taking better advantage of all God has to offer me in order to know Him better, and giving more of myself to Him. So, prayer, studying the Bible, applying what I study to my life, etc. I got a concordance for Christmas so I am actually really excited to see what I can do with that. In the last few years, I have gotten more and more excited about intensive and complete studies of really any part of the Word of God.
-Manifesting more attributes of the fruit of God's Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) more often and more perfectly in my life - there is a LOT of work involved with this one! This is actually one I made last year too, and feel like I have made some progress, but there will always be room to improve here.
-Giving of myself more to people around me, by way of love, time, resources, etc., and never pausing to think who it is or what I'll get out of it.
-Being "better" at the roles I play: wife, friend, sister(in-law), daughter(in-law), follower of Christ, housekeeper, coach, pet owner, etc.
-Get more prepared for what I hope is one of the next roles to be blessed with: mother.
-Getting organized at home, and getting settled 100% in our house. In the 3+ years we lived in our old house, I don't think we ever felt completely settled.
-Learning Telugu (Narasimha's native language) and how to play the piano and possibly guitar.
-Reprioritizing my "free" time - taking better advantage of this time to do things I care about but put off a lot - reading, scrapbooking, writing, sewing, cooking, etc.
-Keeping in touch better with those I care about - visiting, phone calls, letter-writing, emailing.
-Getting and staying in shape, and running at least one (my first) marathon.
-Training my dogs better and teaching them to do some cool tricks.

I must be missing some, but for now this will have to do to get me started :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Narasimha and I had a very busy last week or so - here is some of what we did for Christmas.

Weekend of December 21-23: Christmas with my Mom's side of the family. This was at my Mom and Dad's house in central Iowa. In attendance were my Grandpa and Grandma, my 10 aunts and uncles, 16 cousins, and my Dad, Mom, and my three siblings. I was very thankful because that was the weekend Narasimha got home from Canada, so he got to join us. I was also varying degrees of miserable for most of the weekend with a sinus infection that I still actually have after a whole week on antibiotics - yuck!

Christmas Eve: Narasimha had to work in the morning, so when he got home in the afternoon we relaxed for a while, and then I made chili for dinner. We ate dinner, and then drove around M-town for over an hour and looked at Christmas lights. We found some pretty good displays. We got home and opened our gifts for each other, and then watched part of a movie to wind down.

Christmas Day: We got up early and headed to Dad and Mom's house for Christmas there with my immediate family. In the morning we opened gifts as a family, and for lunch went to our neighbor's house for our traditional Christmas dinner. When we got done eating, we napped most of the afternoon on the floor of my childhood bedroom (we slept on the floor so the dogs could sleep with us). Then, back to the neighbor's house for dinner and annual neighborhood party, followed by a little ice skating on the lake my parents live on. We returned to our house by that night, because Narasimha had to work on Wednesday.

We were supposed to have a Christmas for my Dad's side of the family this weekend, but my grandma wasn't feeling well, so my parents went to Wisconsin to visit her and my aunt and uncle and family, while Narasimha and I stuck around and tried to finish some projects at home.

I very much enjoyed everything we did, and everyone we got to see, during the last week or so. I received nice and thoughtful gifts, and I think my shopping and was mostly successful this year. I also enjoyed, as always, the time spent thinking about Jesus and all Christmas means for the promises I have from God.

We hope you had a great time with family and friends during this holiday season, and hope you had a chance to reflect on "The Reason for the season" in some way as you celebrated this year.

Another "Special" Day

My birthday was this week - another year older. I am getting to the age where that's no longer always a great thing :) Narasimha gets off work early every Wednesday, so we celebrated then. He came home and asked me to sit in our room while he set up my surprise. A few minutes later, he called me out. There was an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen (his specialty :) with all this fire on top. So I blew out the candles and we had a piece of (yummy) cake - he knows that I love it. Then, he gave me my gift. I got a nice brown purse which I have had my eye on.

I really do like it - he did a great job of buying the one I showed him on the internet :) Then, I got to pick where we went for supper. I don't think we have had a good Indian meal since we moved in June, and I was really craving it. So I asked him if we could go all the way to Des Moines and have some Indian food. Of course he didn't say no :) So we went to a restaurant I have never eaten at before - the ambiance was better than most of the Indian restaurants that we have been to (seems like many Indian restaurants, especially the ones where the food is good, have that hole-in-the-wall sort of feel).

The food was good - one of the dishes that we got - mutton (lamb) biriyani - was delicious! I am so happy there are leftovers. Then, on the way home, we stopped at my parents' house and I got to hear happy birthday from most of my family in person. That was the fun part of my birthday.

The other part was the night before. We were watching TV, and my anatomy book was sitting on the couch (I just finished a course where I used it), so I started flipping through it. I went to the chapter on embryology, and then to the chapter on the reproductive system, and it got me thinking about pregnancy. First - how amazing the process is, and how little babies wouldn't be born, with the intricacies of the process, by chance and science alone (God's work is amazing!). Second - how this has not yet happened to me. Then I started counting, and realized it has been 18 months of unsuccessful trying for us. Which I know, some people have tried lots longer than that, but it made me sad for us thinking about it.

We have come to the point in our journey where nearly every happy occasion is met with the happiness that is supposed to be felt, and also by an underlying sense of sadness, missing the little person who you want to be there celebrating with you, but isn't. I came to another birthday without a bassinette at the foot of our bed, and without ever experiencing a midnight feeding. Now, I know this is God's plan for us, and I am ok with that, or at least I try to be. But sometimes in my selfishness of wanting my plan to happen, I just want a baby. So I went to bed feeling pretty sad. God has been good when it comes to my attention. For how much I want this to happen, I really don't think about it all that much. And when I do, it is generally positive and passing. But that night, as I was laying there feeling more and more sad, I felt the tears well up. Narasimha had already fallen asleep, so I was trying to be quiet. I started crying, and this wasn't a watching-a-sad-movie, single-tear sort of cry. This was one of those cries where your whole body literally aches, and you feel your sadness deeper in your soul than you knew it could be - a visceral sort of grief that seems to make you hurt from the inside out. Most of the time I stop myself from crying about my missing baby, but this time I let it take me, and I took a moment and really grieved my coming to another year without my baby by my side. And when it was all over, I felt a little better. Obviously nothing has changed, but like, ok, so I can still take this because God wants me to and because I really don't have a choice.

There are things about this journey that I am so thankful for, and I don't even know that I would necessarily "undo" our infertility if given the chance - although one day I do hope it resolves. I will talk about the things I am thankful for another day - I think today's post is long enough.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! I had a great day - we went to Wisconsin to visit my aunt and uncle and their family, and my grandma who lives with them. It was a lot of fun although I think more of the day was spent in the car than anything else :) I wanted to share some of the things I am most thankful for today.

- My God and Savior Jesus Christ, and my salvation through Him
- The power and privilege of prayer, and the Bible by which I am able to know Him more
- My husband and his affection and support
- My family and friends who give me many laughs and show much love, and the time I get to spend with them
- My trials - it is through them I grow
- The health and abilities of my family, friends, and myself
- Our many material blessings

There are so many more things I couldn't list them all if I typed all day - I hope you had a chance to reflect on what you are thankful for today.

And, now that T-day is over, may the Christmas season (and Christmas music) begin :)

My grandma, siblings, cousins, Narasimha and I, and Bella (not in that order :)

Narasimha and I

Veteran's Day 2007

Today is Veteran's Day. I hope you had a chance to go to a ceremony, thank a Vet, or at least reflect on what you have as a result of sacrifices others have made on your behalf. Our church had a special tribute to Vets, which was nice. There were more in our church than I would have guessed. Then, we went to a ceremony at a WWII Monument, and the speaker talked about the difference between Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. I didn't know this: Memorial Day is in memory of our service men and women who have lost their lives while serving while Veteran's Day is to pay tribute to all men and women who have served honorably, whether in active duty or not, and no matter when the service was. He encouraged us to especially remember and thank those Vets who have served at some time and are still alive today. Thank God today for those who have risked their lives for you and the freedom you are able to enjoy!