India Trip 2008 - A Summary

Have you ever done something, and then after the fact looked back and said "Why?" Well, unfortunately, that describes much of our India trip this time for me. Here's my confession.

We had some good times, and it was great to see my inlaws and spend time with Narasimha away from work and enjoying himself. However, for many reasons which I won't go into here, the trip was not really all that relaxing and proved to be almost more stressful probably than just staying home. By the end of the trip I thought, "I need a vacation!"

It's disappointing for me to look back and remember how I handled many of the situations that arose. Maybe some of them were out of my control, but that's somewhat irrelevant. There were times that I was ungracious, unloving, unthankful, and the list goes on and on. I am truly sorry for the way things turned out (and think I have apologized to all of the people involved). The worst part of all of this is that I fear that any Christian influence I had in the lives of many people I care deeply about (and people who have varying relationships with Christ) is probably ruined, or at least badly tainted. I profess to love Jesus, and then I go act like that - ouch.

There were good times, as you can see by the pictures I added. And, luckily, my memory of the bad times is fading, and as I look at all of the pictures of the trip, I remember mostly good things because we are smiling in all of the pictures.

So, as hazy as this post is, after a week and a half of thinking and processing the events that took place, I just wanted to report that I screwed up, and I fear more dire consequences than a wasted vacation.

I heard this song by Michael W. Smith the other day on the radio (I have heard it many times before as well) and it really hit home in light of many things that happened during the month of January thousands of miles away from where I sit right now.

Never Been Unloved
I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful

I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I have been undesirable

And sometimes I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of You
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And I have been unapproachable

I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware
I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

It's because of You
And all that You went through
I know that I have never been unloved

How true the words of this song are, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say everyone who reads this post has felt this way at some point. It makes me feel better to know, especially right now, that God doesn't love me for who I am or what I do, but when God sees me, He sees Jesus as my intercessor. This has been a truly humbling experience.