Almost More Than I Can Take

In the last 2 days, we have visited 3 orphanages here in Hyderabad. I had mentioned it back in December to the girls as something we might be able to do during our time in Hyderabad, and they both thought it sounded like something they'd be interested in doing- as a way to get a sort-of comprehensive rather than just tourist view of India. I knew it would be tough - with the whole infertility thing in mind - but back then I had empty faces of children in my head - those who I might meet, where now I have beautiful little faces looking back at me when I close my eyes. Faces who are sad and searching, and very lonely. Faces who are timid to shake your hand but brighten at just a smile or pat on the back. It was hard, but I don't know that it was any harder than I thought it would be. I expected before I went that it would "hurt" to see so many kids in a situation like that, infertile or not.

The first one we went to was a private orphanage for females only. The girls there ranged from 4-16 years, and I think they currently have 76 residents. We went right as the younger girls were getting back from school. As a formality we talked to the headmaster for a while, who answered questions we thought of. He told us what we already suspected - most of the girls there had parents who had died, or who had to give them up because they were too poor to feed them. Here the girls have the luxury (and I'm not kidding) of sleeping inside, receiving medical care, going to school, eating regularly, and not being on the streets and begging for money or food. After talking to the adults, they took us into a small meeting room where they put all 5 of us (Narasimha, my sister, her friend, Narasimha's brother, and me) in chairs at the front of an assembly-type room, with all the kids seated in perfect rows in front of us. I think I counted around 40 girls. First they sang a few songs for us (religious Hindu, and in a language I couldn't understand), and then they went around and each and every one of them stood up and said their name and year in school. The littlest ones were closest to the front. Then we got a tour of the facilities. It was nice. The rooms were clean, although no air conditioning. After our tour we got to go out into the front yard where many of them were playing (again, just the younger ones that we had seen in the assembly hall - I think the older girls may still have been at school). We got to take pictures and I shook hands with many of them, and said "Namaste" which is "Hello." I asked the headmaster (who seemed like a simple but kind man) if the girls there get adopted out. He said no, almost never. I was talking to my sister about this, and she said it might be almost better that way. She has a point. Many people when adopting don't want such old kids, and if the kids don't expect to be adopted, then they won't be disappointed, or place their personal worth on who gets chosen faster or who has to wait, etc. I have parts of the moving "Annie" running through my head (which I wouldn't recommend watching necessarily if you've never seen it - it isn't as good without someone there to distract you and fast-forward through the yucky scenes like my mom did when I was little and watched it) where the girls in that orphanage think only the pretty girls get permanent homes, and the rest of the girls feel bad about themselves. Seems like a really terrible popularity contest. Anyways, all things considered, it was a decent place, and so much better for these girls than living on the streets. Past residents of the facility have even been married off, and it seems like the people who run the place are pretty protective of the girls who are marrying and cognizant of relevant issues, etc. I think overall the organization was reputable and I felt good leaving with the girls playing tag and other games together and running and laughing in the background. One more issue of note: the orphanage was a strictly Hindu facility.

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This 6-foot-tall picture is a Hindu god that greets you as you first enter the orphanage.

The (younger) girls enjoy a snack after school.

This is beside the building, and is where the little girls bathe each night. They have to do it here because they don't have room enough inside, and the workers need to keep a close eye on the littlest ones to make sure they get clean, and don't get infections or skin problems.

A few of the girls were playing a game with small rocks, throwing them in their hands. I don't know what it was, but it looked like they had played many times before.

The front yard, where they were running and playing tag. It seemed like they all got along and had fun together.

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The second place we visited was right after the first. It was about a mile away, and this was a facility for boys. The age range of the boys was 5-13 yrs I think, and there were less than 20 residents. We first met the man who ran the place and talked for a few minutes. We then repeated the assembly hall thing from the last place, but this time we all sat on the floor in a straight line with all the boys in a single straight line in opposite us. They sang us some songs, and then introduced themselves and their grade in school as well. Then the headmaster man picked out a few kids and had them recite some specific things for us. The second little guy who got "picked on" was just adorable, and quite ironically had on a shirt that said something about "mum and dad." He was 5, and quite short, and his name was Ramu. Also, he had recently stepped on a nail so he had a bandaged foot and was unable to bear weight on that foot. He sang songs for us like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "ABC" and a few other English songs. I don't know if he knew what he was saying, but he did well and it was cute. Looking at his sad face and listening to him recite these things brought tears to my eyes. I did not get such good "vibes" about this place. First, the headmaster had this mad-scientist look to him, and he creeped me out. Plus, it didn't seem like the boys liked him much - almost like they were afraid of him. These boys, like the first place, have no expectation of being adopted. This place is also exclusively Hindu.

Little Ramu reciting something for us - he's the guy with the hurt foot :(

The dining room.

An activity they do at the end of every day to lower the flag (I think what you're seeing is the equivalent of our saluting).

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Neither of these places had babies and I wanted to know why, and I also wanted to see some babies. At the first place we asked why there were no babies/toddlers. They told us that the government keeps all babies at a government-run (as opposed to private like the 2 I have already mentioned) orphanage. I am sure this is to make sure there is no illegal selling of babies for adoption on the private level. The government orphanage is where young kids go - I think if they are under 4 when they first come to the orphanage then they go to the government one. If they don't get adopted out by the time they are between 4- to 6-years-old, then they are transferred to a private orphanage like ones we visited (there are of course many more than just the 2) or if there is no space in any of them, into a juvenile home of sorts, which we heard is not as good. From what I have gathered, they do not have a foster system here. We asked my brother-in-law to call this baby orphanage and see if we could get a tour. He called, and there were some hoops to jump through. We had to get special permission from a certain lady, and she wasn't answering her phone. So we took off for our day not really expecting much. We were almost to our first place (we were going to an art gallery) when "the lady" called us back. She said if we wanted, we could come right then. So we turned around and headed to see the babies.

The lady who called us to come was there when we got there. She was kind and answered all of our questions. She said that all the babies who do not have health, physical, or mental problems get adopted out right away - they get several thousand applications per year, from Indians and others. Apparently any child under age 3 is easy to adopt out (as long as they are free from the aforementioned problems). After the 3rd birthday, or with problems, is hard(er). We then got to tour the building. The first room we went into was for babies under 6 months. There were probably at least 40 babies. Many of these were probably awaiting placement (that made it more bearable to see all of them). We weren't allowed to take pics at this facility at all (unfortunately, though I can understand why), but we were allowed to touch the kids. The babies did not feel the effects of our language gap. I leaned over several of the awake babies and smiled and waved my fingers in front of their faces and told them what pretty girls they were (they were almost all girls - boys are in higher demand), and they all smiled so big. I picked one little girl up and talked to her, and she promptly stuck her tongue out at me through her grin - so cute! I bet we spent 20 mins in just that room. The room was clean and fairly well-staffed. No unsettling cries going unanswered (for which I was thankful). We continued our tour and went to many other rooms. I saw kids that looked healthy, some with visible umbilical hernias, a little girl with beautiful eyes and an unfixed cleft palate, and several children who were very small for their said age who the lady said had cardiac issues. Their faces all lit up when they saw us, and they ran toward us and huddled around as we talked and toured. One little girl who was 7 and very small and thin for her age due to a heart problem grabbed my hand and ran her hand all the way up my arm to my shoulder, and then just stood there an looked at me, smiling. I shook many slimy hands. I held my tears back several times, though the closest I came to actually crying was when a little boy who was probably 2 or 3 pushed and sprinted through all the other kids around us and ran straight to Narasimha and grabbed onto N's leg in the biggest little boy bear hug, and then held on tight with this adorable goofy grin. It was so sweet but almost more than I could take. We finished our tour and saw many of the 190 or so kids in probably around an hour. Narasimha asked the lady many questions about the adoption process, all of which she patiently answered. We now feel quite well-informed. Narasimha finally asked me if I was ready to go, and I said no, that I wanted to stay and play all day, but ok.

On the way out we stopped at a separate govt office and picked up an adoption application, and asked more questions. I will post more about the beginning of our adoption journey later, but at this point I think it is safe to say that it has started, even if it barely has at this point.