A Baby

Well, I have something to report for those who are interested and to ask for prayer for those of you who pray.

I was approached by a friend and told of a baby that she knows of that could potentially be available for adoption. The parents of this baby are not ready to be parents and for some reason (praise God - no matter if we got the baby or not) they are not interested in abortion. So, there is a baby that will likely need a home. Apparently the mother is only a month or two along in the pregnancy, so it would give us plenty of time to work out the details.

I obviously want a baby - we've tried to get pregnant for over 4 years now, which seems at times like an eternity. But, I don't know if this baby is for us. So we'll wait and see. And pray a whole lot in the meantime. Several people in the last few years have said stuff to us like "I know a pregnant lady who might be giving her baby up..." or "I heard of a baby the other day and thought of you two..." so, I've heard this before and won't be getting my hopes too far up. I don't even know if it's possible with Narasimha's immigration status - I don't know if we can adopt an American baby. All details we'll have to check into. So, in my free time (HA! - I have none) I will see what I can find out on the internet and calling around.

But, if this little one is a baby for our family, well, I can't help but feel a little excited about that.

Pray for us as we check into this and make decisions - I am sure there will be many.

What's the Catch?

A week ago was my last day of class (more about that in a different post) and as I was on my way out of town to come home I called my mom to see if I could stop by and visit her at work before I left. She said sure, and then asked if I'd be able to stop by at a gas station and pick her up a fountain drink. Her job is physically strenuous and she was in the middle of something, so of course I said "No problem."

I got to the gas station, and only needed to buy the soda (no gas or anything else). So I went in and did what she said - 1/3 full of ice, a "shot" of cherry flavor, and fill it up with Pepsi. As I walked up to the counter with my money in my hand the young man behind the counter looked at my cup and said "Is that all?" Yup, that was it. "Well, then it's free," he said. Huh? He explained that since it was the gas station's grand re-opening or whatever they were giving away fountain drinks of that size for free all weekend. So then me (being the quick learner I am) said, "So I don't have to give you any money?" He laughed and shook his head and said no. So I thanked him, and walked back to my car - money still in hand, and probably still a confused look on my face.

As I was driving my mom's cherry soda to her I was thinking of how often our interactions with God look all too much like my interaction with the boy behind the counter who probably was thinking "How does this woman get out of bed in the morning?" :)

How often do we hear of God's free gift to us of salvation (John 3:16), and yet we somehow can't grasp that when someone says "Free" we don't have to give payment.

What about those of us who have accepted God's free gift? We know that when we die we will be bound for an eternity in heaven with a Holy God who sent his Son to earth to take our punishment. How often do even we base our works on staying on God's "good side" or maybe earning an extra Christian gold star to put by our name? I am reminded of the prophet Isaiah's words that our good works are no better than filthy rags when illuminated by the presence of the holiness of God (Isaiah 64:6).

So where do we go from here? Does this mean that since our works are worthless we forget about it - accept our salvation and do what we want? NO! Of course not! Our works don't change our salvation - our salvation changes our works. That little difference of the order of those words actually isn't so little. We don't work FOR our salvation - we work BECAUSE OF our salvation. We do our best to show our thankfulness and love for a Savior who did so much for us! Are your works and interactions with people every minute of every day a testament of what God has done for your eternity? I know mine aren't! Thank goodness for God's loving grace - not only to save us from our sins, but also to allow us to live for Him more and more each day!

I hope this was an encouragement to you. And I hope, as you go through your "daily grind" you are able to see God in something as small as a free fountain drink :)

Ladies' Book Club

I want to share something that I have started in our local church - just to share and also to ask for prayer (that rhymed ;)

I always wanted to start something like this in the church we came from, but I finally am getting around to doing it here, and I'm really excited for what God can do with it.

It's called "Ladies' Book Club" and basically it is a voluntary group for ladies of our church, and visitors or friends, to read a book and then get together informally and talk about it. I personally really love to read, and I love to read a little bit of everything - from fiction, to apologetics, to counseling, to exegetical study - a variety of really anything. I have read SO MANY great books as a returning seminary student, and just out of personal interest.

So I typed up a proposal to give to our church elders for approval - I could have done it outside the church and on my own, with friends only, but I really think that something like this has the potential to connect women from the church and create closer relationships among people who might not be obvious "friends." So the church approved it and we're on our way.

The way I plan to do it: I picked several books that I feel will promote good conversation. Not all the books are theologically "perfect" - which I think is also a good thing. I want to be able to pick a book apart and talk about what good can be gotten and what are the issues one should beware of, thus further solidifying the basis of our faith. We will do a book every 2 months. I will hand out the info for the next book at the discussion hour of the current book. I have also printed up an optional "Discussion Aid" with questions to get people thinking more in depth about the book.

Our first book is Beautiful in God's Eyes by Elizabeth George. It is a fairly quick and easy read, and I think it has content that can be applied to the life of any woman. It is basically an applicational study of Proverbs 31. We are meeting to discuss the book in mid-May.

If you remember, please pray for this ministry, and for me as I lead the discussion groups. If you are interested in joining us, contact me :) If you can't come but would like my notes on the book or the Discussion Aid for your own personal use, contact me. And, if you have any books that you think would be a beneficial addition to our line-up, let me know! I want to add books that will grow us, stretch our thinking and faith, and bring us together in Jesus' name. I would also welcome suggestions if you are a part of something like this in your own local church :)

Thanks

I would like to share something I am thankful for this year. Here goes...

I am thankful for our infertility. Don't get me wrong - I am still sad, and I still want a baby as much as ever (though I am working on being ok with the very real possibility that children might not be in my future), but I am working on having a thankful heart for this and everything else I have in life, whether it feels "good" or "bad."

God loves me and promises to give me His best for me. Our infertility is a gift from God. It's tough to see it, and especially to feel it, but it is theologically true. Infertility is God's best for my life. It is a blessing. It is being used to grow me into the person God wants me to be. It enables me to serve in the areas God wants me to serve. It gives me compassion to minister to those who need compassion as only I, in my unique circumstances, can give.

It is not easy, trust me, and just this last week I have had to deal with some painful information regarding this whole infertility journey. But it's ok. And not only is it ok - it's what's best for me. And, it's hard for me to be thankful for this. But I am working on thinking this way all the time. It's a work in progress.

Thanksgiving Day was spent with my family. We were able to take one of our youth group girls with us to spend the day, and it was fun to have her around and spend time with her.

Friday we got up very early (1:30 AM) and drove to Des Moines to do Black Friday shopping. We were at the mall by 3:30, and we didn't get home until almost 6 PM. Then to dinner with friends.

It was a good weekend, fun with family and friends. Now back to the grind and getting ready for this holiday season and what's sure to be a very busy winter. Just looking at my calendar for the next few months makes my head spin.

Hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving with family and friends, and hope you were able to take some time to reflect on the blessings God has given you - whether obvious or "hidden."

Thank you, Jesus, for "working all things together for good." (Romans 8:28)

Life is Short

My husband and I are youth group leaders at our church with another couple. Our group is fairly small and normally runs about 10 kids on a Wednesday evening.

I found out this AM that a boy who visited a few weeks ago, a senior in high school, was killed last night in a car accident. He hadn't been back again since his first visit. I am unsure if he had ever placed his trust in Christ.

I am in shock. I hardly knew this boy, though several of our girls went to his school. I keep trying to remember everything that happened the night he visited, but one question keeps coming to the forefront: Did we clearly present the salvation message the night he was there? And the answer is: I don't know.

I am pretty sure the week he visited we watched the second part of a video meant to discredit the theory of evolution from a Biblical perspective. But I just don't remember everything that was said when talking about the video before and after.

I think sometimes in my responsibility as a youth leader I get lazy - I always think "Aw, these kids are young, they'll be back - we'll deal with issue xyz next week." But they might not be back. They might not even make it home that night.

I have heard of a lot of deaths of young people lately - maybe no more of them are dying - maybe word just travels faster on the internet so you hear of it more...

One thing is certain: my eyes have been opened to the fact that life is short, and there are no sure things. My salvation has been sealed and I am ready to meet Jesus. But am I sure that everyone I talk to can say that same thing? Of course not. Do I need to do a better job of witnessing? Yes of course. Am I going to? I better.

This has been a wake up call for me: Wake up and love people enough to make sure they know Jesus the FIRST time, because it might be your last time talking to them.

Please pray for Leo's family and for the 2 survivors of the accident, who are also HS boys.

And if you've happened upon this blog and don't know me or what I'm talking about, don't wait to find out. This isn't a doomsday commercial, but anything could happen at any time. Email me at nkiowa@hotmail.com or find a Holy Bible and read the book of Romans.

Last Game

This evening is the last volleyball game I get to coach with my first group of freshman girls. I have coached 2 seasons before this at a Christian school here in town - so it's not the end of my first season. It's also not our last game - my primary responsibility is freshman but I also help with varsity, and their post-season play begins next week. So the season isn't over quite yet, but today is my last group with MY group of girls.

They've learned a lot (not nearly all from me) and they've really improved and I'm proud of them. We had a good time and it'll be fun to watch them travel through the ranks.

And as my first season in the public schools with a fairly competitive and talented team I have also learned a lot. The level at which these girls play is different than what I've coached before at the Christian school and even than what I used to play as a high school player. Volleyball has really "evolved" in the last few decades and it's very cool to get my head back in the game at this level of competition. There's really nothing like watching a good volleyball match. And I get a front-row seat :)

And, now that I will have a little more free time I am going to be hitting my homework hard for the second class I am taking in Nouthetic Counseling. The assignment is a lot of reading (which I also did last year). I'd like to get a book review up on here but I had always intended to do that last year as well and it never happened, so we'll see... I also have to write a 17-20 page paper on exegesis and (counseling) application of a passage of Scripture. I was given I think 7 passages to choose from and I picked Ephesians 4:1-16. Many people in my class are Pastors or at least Bible school grads, so this could stretch me at least a little. Which is a good thing, right? :)

It's Been a While

Wow - well, it's been a while... No, we didn't drop off the face of the earth. It's been more like running around crazy all the time I feel like. Let's see if I can fill in some of what's happened since my last post. There are many posts that I started and just never got finished, and in 6+ months they can really pile up. So, maybe someday I'll get some of that stuff posted but for now I'll do what I can.

The Adoption: Still a no go. And we're at peace with that - the issue of starting again hasn't really come up. It is certainly not that we don't want a child - we still do very much. Just with everything that happened when it finally became clear that it wasn't going to work - last time we talked about it we wanted to let it go for now, and maybe forever. Someday maybe I'll post what I started writing back in Feb to post on here as to why it didn't work. But maybe not - I'm not sure that it matters. One thing is certain: following our experiences I have strongly considered becoming an adoption activist on some sort of political level. Don't know where that's going either for right now...

At the end of February we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.

In March we went to Florida with my family, which was fun. While there we rented a Harley for a day and drove a couple hundred miles on the open road.

April was quiet - a sort of calm before the storm that has described our summer...

In May we went to Fiji for a week. We had a blast - it is beautiful there! We did it sort-of as a celebration of our 5th anniversary, and sort-of as something to take our mind off the failed adoption. Narasimha had saved up most of his vacation in the case we could go to India to pick up our child early in the summer, and when that fell through we decided to use it to kick up our heels. It was fantastic to get away and reconnect. I couldn't have asked for a better relaxing vacation. I really would like to post something about the trip sometime - timeline and pics and stuff. We'll have to see. But I can say now that it's been like 5 months since we've been there I can still remember like every small detail - it truly was the trip of a lifetime.

In June we took a trip to the Creation Museum and to Mammoth Caves in Kentucky with our Youth Group (which we co-lead with another couple from our church). We were gone for 4 days and had a really good (but exhausting) time. I would like to also have a post dedicated to that trip at some point. That trip used up the rest of Narasimha's saved adoption vacation days.

In June and July we got new appliances for our kitchen, which we have loved, but took up a lot of my time since the fridge didn't fit exactly in the space for it, so we had to do some modifications to our cabinets. Dust got EVERYWHERE and I am still (literally) cleaning up from that.

In July I spent 1 week as a junior high camp counselor at our Regular Baptist Camp here in Iowa, with my friend Kris as a co-counselor and 4 girls from our youth group. We also had 4 girls from other churches. That is the same camp I went to several times as a kid. It was an experience. I came home exhausted but changed and more aware of my responsibility to the kids I interact with in my position as a youth leader.

I also got a random call for a volleyball coaching job I had applied for months before and never heard anything about. In the course of just a few days I had landed myself a freshman volleyball coaching job at the public school here in town. I then had to rush through getting certified by the state and through all the other little requirements.

We also went with my family to Colorado for a few days for the wedding of a family friend. We got to do some hiking in the Rockies while there which was a blast.

In August I started my coaching job. Starting the season is a pretty intense time commitment. The first week is camp - so 10 or so hours a day for a week. Then for the next week and a half there are 2-a-day practices until school starts. Since the first day of school in August we have either had practice after school or a game all but maybe 2 days. And a few all-day Saturday tournaments.

I also started the second class working toward my Masters' in Nouthetic (Christian) Counseling, and now I am trying to get the homework for that class done. Homework and all the reading is due in just a few weeks. (YIKES!)

Also in August Narasimha acted on a dream he's had for a while now and became the proud owner of a brand new Harley Davidson. Someday maybe I'll post pics - it's a nice bike and we've had some fun riding around. We haven't gone on any super long trips yet because we haven't had the time, but we're looking forward to logging some miles in the warm weather months of years to come.

At the beginning of the month we also went on a family camping trip to Lanesboro, MN, and floated down the river on intertubes for several hours. The whole family went, including both Kyndra and Kyra's boyfriends. It was fun and relaxing, and something we're considering making into some sort of annual thing.

We also started taking apart our deck so we can build a new one. We want a new one partially to upgrade and make it a little nicer than the one that was there. But the real reason for doing the remake is because the deck we had wasn't built correctly and it would constantly cause our breezeway to flood anytime it rained hard - which is just getting old. The deck is now totally down and we have plans for the new deck - now we just have to build it.

September came and went and I don't know how it all happened so fast. I of course kept coaching. Narasimha took Step II of his Psychiatry boards. Nothing too special happened but time flew by.

Now we're into October: looking forward to a busy month ahead. Narasimha's brother and sis-in-law will be visiting for a long weekend from the East Coast. The regular season of volleyball will end close to the end of the month. We have a few youth group activities planned at church. There are a few other obligations we have at church and with family.

Time flies - I don't think it matters if you're having fun or not (which we are - I'm just sayin'...). Busy 3 months left of 2009 and already have quite a bit on the calendar for the 1st half of 2010. Hope this finds all of you well - somehow even after not posting forever my traffic counter down in the corner says I have the occasional visitor. So thanks for stopping by! Leave a note, and I'll try to be a little more regular with my posts. Happy Monday :)

Pause

Well, I finally have somewhat of an update to report - though it's not quite the update I'd been hoping to pass along. It's not yet final, but it's close. Narasimha and I have decided not to pursue adoption at this time. It has been about a month of pushing pretty hard, and getting educated, and we just aren't at peace with what we're finding out. As I'm sure you can imagine, this decision was not come on easily, nor is it easy to say (and do). We're pretty bummed - but it's ok. I will try to post an update in the next week or so as to how we got here. We are fairly discouraged about the whole not being parents thing, but I am actually more at peace now and with this decision than I have been since we started. And, thankfully, Narasimha and I seem to be on the same page with that. Sorry for the lack of detail - it'll come. I just have to sort this all out and mourn a little. Thanks to all of you who have offered encouraging words and prayed for us thus far - you are appreciated!