In Sickness and In Health

Well once again it's been quite a while. Life goes so fast sometimes and it's hard to keep up...

This week has been no different in that there's always so much to do, but a little different in that we've had an unexpected but pretty much mandatory slow-down. Our house was hit by the flu. Yup - my doctor hubby was rendered pretty much incapacitated for the better part of this week.

Monday he was tired and sneezing. Tuesday he didn't feel well but went to work anyways (it's hard for the clinic staff to reschedule a whole day's patients at the last minute, and call schedule changes, and blah blah blah...). By early Tuesday afternoon his nurse let him sleep for an hour with his head on his desk before he finished out his afternoon. Tuesday evening when he got home from work he fell asleep in the chair and I had to wake him to get ready for bed hours later. By Wed AM his temp was 104.5, and then he started regularly pumping Tylenol. That evening he started Tamiflu. He missed work Thursday and today as well, though he is now slowly on the mend.

I also have had a little of it - I have been achy and pretty tired and have had a fever on and off, but haven't needed meds and I've bounced back lots quicker. At least one of us was able to be fairly normal because Jaxx hasn't been very forgiving...

I have learned in the last week a little about our marriage which was kind of surprising to me. We normally spend almost all of our time together (when he's not at work, obviously) and with him sleeping all the time I found myself kinda lonely, and I don't generally consider myself to be a "needy" person. But I've missed him. I also found that I was less patient with him and his needs than I would have thought I would be. Don't get me wrong - I still helped him and nursed him and did everything I needed to, but it gave me a real perspective on the marriage vow "In sickness and in health."

So many people sail through so much of their marriage not having to fully grasp what the unpleasantness of that vow can mean. I dealt with it for less than a week and I'm ready for hubby to be back to self-sufficiency. I have a new respect for those who are in a marriage where the health of their spouse requires so much more than I've ever had to give for long periods of time. Now, if it were asked of me to do so, would I? Yes, I would like to think that I would. Would I like it? Maybe not, but probably for many reasons.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting at. It's late - it's been a long week. There are lots of spiritual applications that could be drawn from this but I don't really have the state of mind to go there. So I guess this is just a personal pondering of: selfishness, love, sacrifice, marriage, responsibility, etc. And how a week with the flu made me consider my marriage and be very thankful for the husband I have and the general health God has chosen to bless us with most of the time.

Progress (FINALLY!)

I have some exciting news: we have our first "progress" with our adoption to announce in a long time. Last night we finished the paperwork to submit to the Indian Government, and today I put it in the mail. Narasimha's brother and his wife leave for India from the East Coast in a few days, and we thought it would be better to send it with people versus in the mail if possible. So we buckled down and finished the packet, and right now it's on the way to New Jersey. In a few days it will be on the flight to India as part of carry-on luggage. Then my brother-in-law will hand deliver it to the orphanage for us. It's not a huge start, but with our snail pace I'll be happy with anything!

Please be in prayer: the situation in India that I've had in my prayer request list in the sidebar for several months now is not completely resolved. And, it could still very much affect our progress. Please pray for those whose lives are affected there (my in-laws) and that God would allow further adoption progress for our family as He sees fit. Of course we want a child now, but if God makes it clear that His plan is for us to wait even longer, then that is what we will do with peaceful and thankful hearts with grace God alone can give.

From here: We need to be preparing for our homestudy. We have no timeline for this as of now. I also need to be researching the immigration issue from an American standpoint. My initial thought is that it will be harder to get our child into our country (and home) than it will be to have one placed in our care.

Merry Christmas!

My family, friends and I had a wonderful and blessed Christmas - I hope the same is true for you and yours.

Christmas Eve Narasimha and I celebrated at home with gifts and special time together. Our exciting joint gift this year was an espresso machine. I'm finding out that making espresso drinks is more of an art than I remembered from my days as a barista in the coffee shop of my dorm freshman year of college. We'll have to see how this goes...

Christmas Eve we drove to Dad and Mom's so we could wake up there after sleeping in a bit longer than if we came in the morning. We opened gifts as a family, and then off to the neighbors (no blood relation, but still family) for Christmas dinner - an annual tradition. Then the Christmas Day nap, and back over to the neighbors for leftovers and more time with family and friends.

I am also fortunate enough to get together with both Mom and Dad's sides for weekends around Christmas time - one down, one to go later into the New Year.

The bummer of the day: Narasimha had a slip on our digital camera and we lost all of our pics. Actually, I haven't transferred pictures to our computer from the camera since right after our marathon in October, so we lost several hundred pictures of some special times, including all of today's. I'm pretty bummed, and Narasimha is really kicking himself. So, I'd post a few pics of us and my family, but I can't... He has been frantically searching the internet since his flub a bit ago, and there is a chance we can hire someone to "retrieve" them. The free software he found on the internet isn't working... We'll have to see when everything opens back up early next week. I guess technology works best when it's on your side... :(

Iowa State Fair

We got to go to the Iowa State Fair yesterday, and had a good time. We looked at some of the stuff and ate lots of good food. Narasimha and I went with my family, and also met up with a good friend from high school and her fiancé. It was a beautiful day - not too hot, which is unusual for fair time in Iowa. We only stayed for a few hours, but with the crowds of people and all that's going on, a few hours is definitely enough.

Me and my sister enjoying a corndog. She told me she knew the best stand to get a corndog, and she was right. That was the best corndog I have had in a long time!

Our group: Narasimha, Dad, my sis and her boyfriend, and my other sis and brother. We were resting in the shade and having our first round of calories.

Golden Opportunity

My brother-in-law (Narasimha's older brother) is an Internal Medicine physician in India. He is a great guy - easy to get along with, kind, loving, funny, and one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet. Unfortunately, in the last few months he has had some bad life situations, and is looking for a place to escape for a while and enjoy himself, all the while giving his time to help others in need. Sort of a change of pace.

He came across an organization that places volunteer doctors in underserved areas for a time, and he is considering going toward the Himalayas, in Northern India, to volunteer some of his time for a few weeks to serve this organization and the local people of the region. While he is there he will be able to enjoy the scenery, escape the heat of the Hyderabad hot season, and have some time to reflect on all that is going on in his personal life.

But, there are still details to be worked out before he will be able to commit to going. Please pray that the details would work out quickly and smoothly, and that he will soon be on his way to North India.

Check out the place: http://www.aarohi.org/. I haven't been able to get it to load yet because of our slow internet, but he tells me the pictures are magnificent.

Road Race

Today we ran a road race. I have not run in a race in a long time, and today was actually Narasimha's first race ever. We did pretty well - right about what we wanted to do for time. We train together, so we stayed together for the race. We finished within a few seconds of each other. It was a 20K(ilometer), which is 12.4 miles. It took us right at 1 hour 45 minutes (the official time is longer because that starts with the gun, and it took us about 90 seconds to reach the start line, and I didn't start my watch until we stepped on the start line). My mom and several friends ran too. The weather was beautiful, and not a whole lot of wind. Although we're both feeling a little slow and sore tonight, we had a good time today with our road race.

My dad rode along the course on his bike and took a few pics for us - Narasimha and I are the ones waving :)

Here we ran with my mom for a while (we are the 3rd, 4th, and 5th ones from the left).

DONE!!! Sore, sweaty and tired, but still smiling :)

Congrats Grads!

My "baby" brother graduated high school today. He will be following my footsteps and going to Iowa this fall (making me proud :).

Narasimha and me (front with brown hair) and my 2 sisters, with my brother the graduate.

Also, 3 of the girls from the volleyball team I coached this last winter graduated high school as well this weekend.

It was fun to spend time with family and friends this weekend, and to even see lots of family (aunts and uncles mostly) that we don't get to see very often.

Congrats to all who have graduated, and best wishes to you as you start whatever that next step is!

Over Too Soon

We are now home from our vacation in Florida, and I can honestly say that it went too fast (as always). For the better part of the week we: took our time, got up when we wanted, were beach bums, hung out with the fam, etc. Most of the time we basically stayed on the beach (besides Tuesday at Sea World for Narasimha and me). This week was super windy it seemed like, so that made it feel a little chillier, but still, I can't complain when my standard for comparison is Iowa winter (and a relatively bad one at that). Dad has a surfboard, and he and my brother tried that out a few times. A few years ago we bought a skim board, which has been a lot of fun (this year we had to buy a new one because we broke the other one). Basically to use a skim board, you wait for the very shallow water that results when the tide comes in on the beach and goes back out to sea, and then you throw the board on that ¼ inch or so deep water, and then chase the board and jump on. It's a lot tougher than it sounds - you have to get your feet on perfectly, throw it down onto the water consistently, then keep your center of gravity just right, and adjust your balance for differences in water movement and depth. Even then sometimes you wipe out, which is pretty funny to watch but it can hurt a bit (or a lot) to fall hard on wet sand (think sand paper or rough concrete). The first year we had the board we all went home with scrapes and bruises - now we are much more tentative and careful, and some of us are maybe even a little better at using it :) On the beach we also like to boogie board, play volleyball, throw the football, kick the soccer ball, play frisbee, go for (sometimes long) walks, and lay out in the sun to tan and sleep or read. You get the point - a whole lot of nothing much :)

The beach from the balcony of our condo, and one b-e-a-utiful day :)

Our beach camp from the balcony on our condo - my mom and sisters are on the lawn chairs on the left side, and my dad and brother are the ones in the shallow water (skim boarding).


My mom, 2 sisters and me, laying out.

My dad, getting his surf on :)

My dad showing off his groovy board

Narasimha and my brother playing soccer on the beach.

Narasimha on the skim board - I don't even think he fell once (he must not have been trying hard enough :)

Me, getting ready...

Me - pretty sure I "biffed it" on that one.

My sister, being the graceful lady she is :) My dad says you get extra points if your knees go down, and even more if there's blood for your effort :) I don't think she got either of those on this one.

Narasimha and me, our last 5 minutes on the beach in '08

Meeting Jesus Face to Face

Today my Great-Grandma got to meet Jesus face to face. I am sorry for those of us who will miss her here, but so happy for her as she gets to start her eternity free of all of the problems we all experience while here on earth. She lived a long and good life, and in heaven she joins her husband who died many years ago, and 2 daughters she lost in infancy/childhood, along with a whole bunch of other family and friends. In the last few years her health has started to suffer, and lately she hasn't had much independence, and I can't help but picture her tonight sitting next to Jesus, free of pain and suffering from now until forever, and more free and happier than she ever was during her time walking on this earth. She was loved and cherished here on earth, and will continue to be, but Grandma is finally "home."

Sunny Florida :)

Narasimha and I came with my family this week to Florida - it has become an annual tradition. This year it's just us and my immediate family. We're staying in a condo in Daytona Beach, and we have only been here for 1 day, but it's NICE! Today was sunny and about 75 - much much improved to what we had in Iowa when we took off on Friday (although even there we're on the up-swing I think). The same people who stayed at our house with our pets when we were India for 3 weeks are there again for this week, which is nice not to have to think about what's going on there. We have plans basically to do a whole lot of nothing. The weather is supposed to be nice all week my dad said. Narasimha and I are considering going to Sea World sometime - we're not sure yet. Probably won't do much for posting 'til we get back to Iowa and back in the swing of things. Might post some pics later in the week when we have something fun to show.

Why Not IVF?

I am writing this post in response to some things that have been said to us, and also to explain why we are going almost against probably what most of the general public would do who has a similar situation with infertility and the financial means to consider fertility assistance - and definitely the field of medicine - in choosing how to expand our family, in light of our struggle with infertility, and the specific diagnosis of infertility that we have (meaning that we could likely "benefit" from fertility assistance). Also, read on if you don't know a whole lot about different measures of fertility assistance - I won't go into great detail here, but I will include links so you can read up on your own if you want.

We have heard the following comments or some sort of variation of them:

"Are you sure you don't want to try IVF - I know someone it worked for and..."

"Are you sure you aren't going to someday regret not ever trying harder to have your own child?"

"What will you do with your adopted child if you happen to get pregnant someday?"

"Are you sure you're not disappointing (Narasimha or Kristina) by not trying harder?" - asked to one of us about the other.

"Is this something your religion won't let you do?"

Yeah, I'm not kidding - people really say this stuff.

Western medicine has come a long way in helping people live longer and better lives, from transplants, to medical management, to things that aren't necessary but make people happy and "improve" lives (here I am thinking anything from liposuction to fertility assistance measures, etc.). With any perceived benefit, there is always a cost, whether it is physical, financial, or even moral.

Infertility is a somewhat flaky diagnosis, and is basically characterized by a couple who has tried to get pregnant for 1 year with no success. There is always more to it than that though - the real question is what is causing the infertility? Sometimes it is a physical problem that the man has, sometimes a physical problem that the woman has, and sometimes, both parties have problems that contribute. As you can imagine, there are many MANY things that could go wrong (or even just not quite right) with either the man or the woman making pregnancy unachievable. For a brief overview of infertility or a list of some of the most common causes of infertility, click here. Sometimes, there is nothing that can be found that is wrong with either person that would indicate why a couple is unable to conceive. Sometimes, conception is possible, but for whatever reason, the pregnancy is spontaneously (accidentally) terminated early and doesn't result in a live birth. The couple may or may not know there was ever even a pregnancy, depending on how and how early the pregnancy ended. My point here is that this subject is no simple matter.

We (one of us actually) were diagnosed with a physical problem very early in our effort to become pregnant. We looked at the facts regarding the treatment, and the risks and benefits, and decided that the affected person would have surgery to attempt to correct the problem. We decided that in our situation, we were ok with fixing our bodies to see if that would make us able to spontaneously conceive without the help of actual "fertility assistance measures." The problem that was fixed was something that was physically painful before the surgery, and is a problem that people have fixed even if they aren't having problems conceiving as a result of it (it doesn't only cause problems in aspects of fertility). The surgery was likely successful, although we don't know how successful (read here and here for a little more on our specific situation). The surgery took place over a year ago, and to date we have still not been able to get pregnant.

So there's the problem. What can medicine do for us?

There are many options, ranging a lot in how physically invasive they are, how many "moral" issues are potentially attached, and how much they cost financially.

Here's a list of some of the things we could pursue (click on the word for detailed description or read my sort-of layman's description):

Medication-Induced Hyper-Ovulation
Sometimes the woman doesn't ovulate regularly, so they give medications to make her ovulate. Sometimes they give the medications to make her ovulate more, so that each month, instead of releasing one egg, she could release several, which would hypothetically increase the odds of fertilizing an egg and then having one implant. This also increases the chance of multiple embryo implantation. There would be no way to know how many embryos would possibly implant, but it could be very many. This is likely what happened when the woman from Carlisle, Iowa, had 7 babies at one time (septuplets). This may seem obvious, but any pregnancy with more than 1 baby has increased risk, and with each additional baby, the risk increase is exponential. This leads some to consider Selective Reduction. This means aborting some of the babies. The thought is that the ones who are left will have a better chance of survival and health. It is still abortion - still the killing of babies you supposedly worked so hard to make. This also can get more morally messy when the parents do genetic testing, or find out the gender of the babies, before they decide who to get rid of. Sometimes people choose to abort the babies with problems, or by gender, and sometimes it could be random, or where the baby is attached to the uterus, etc. This medication therapy when used alone is probably the cheapest fertility assistance a person could try. I guess it could also be considered "fixing one's body" if the woman isn't ovulating (under the precept used above for my justification of the surgery we were ok with doing). However, the risks are still there, even in the "fixing one's body" scenario, to have a multiple pregnancy, which could then lead to a moral decision.

Artificial Insemination (AI) or Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI)
Sometimes used in combination with the Hyper-Ovulation medication (above) - sometimes not. This is often used as a first-line therapy, and is quite a bit financially cheaper, and less physically painful, than IVF which I will talk about next. This is where the doctors have some of the man's sperm, and they will often "wash" it to get the good ones out, and they put the good sperm directly into the woman's uterus. The timing with the woman's monthly cycle is precise, and it gets the sperm closer to where it needs to get to for the couple to become pregnant. There are still downfalls to the process. I would still consider the pregnancy to have been achieved in the doctor's office, but there is more left to nature, like the union of the sperm and the egg, and the embryo's growth, survival and implantation in the uterus.

In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) with embryo transfer
This is a very complex process, and quite invasive and expensive. Not to mention often full of moral questions. This process starts with the woman giving herself daily injections to induce hyper-ovulation which can be timed very precisely. Kind-of the same as the medications listed above, but I think different in some aspects that I don't know. Then the woman has to go to the doctor's office and they put her to sleep and pull the eggs out of her ovaries with a long needle before they are released into the fallopian tubes. Then they take the man's sperm and mix the eggs and the sperm together, and hope that some of them will hook up and form embryos. This is in the lab - and where they get the term "test tube baby." Then they "grow" the embryos that result out for a few days, to see which ones survive. After that, they pick the healthiest one(s) (and they can even do genetic testing on these embryos to find problems/gender), and finally, they put these little week-or-so old embryos straight into the woman's uterus, where they will hopefully latch on and grow to be babies. This process, as it would seem, has moral issues everywhere. First, the doctors take from the woman as many eggs as they can, which could probably be anywhere from several to 30 or even sometimes 40+. Then, they basically try to fertilize all of them, and see what happens. It is feasible that half of those could fertilize, so now you have 25-20 embryos (early stage babies). Now it is likely that some of them will die in the growing out process, and often they have to freeze them to wait for the right time in the woman's cycle to transfer to the uterus, and some will probably die then or in the unfreezing process too. But say somehow after growing and freezing/thawing you still have 10 viable embryos (which is potentially very realistic and possible, and could be more or less depending on each situation). The doctors won't put any more than 2-3 in at a time, and then you could still end up with twins/triplets if they all latch on (we know or know of people who have had singles, twins, and triplets with this process). So even if you put 3 in, you still have 7 left from your 10. Now what to do with those leftover embryos? Well, you can keep having babies until yours are all used up (and then you have to pay for the freezer space in a lab to keep your frozen babies until you are ready for them) and potentially end up with lots and lots of kids. You could dump them in the trash can, which as far as I'm concerned is no better than abortion. You could adopt them out, which is becoming more popular and is called Snowflake Babies. Now sometimes you don't have so many embryos to think about - I know of a couple who by the time the growing out and unfreezing was finished, they had 2 (and only 2) very healthy embryos that they implanted and ended up having twins 9 months later (actually like 8 months because the babies were premature which is the most common complication of pregnancy with multiples). But, this extra embryo situation does happen often enough that you have to have a plan that you have to tell your doctors before they will even start the process of IVF with you.

Intracytoplasmic Sperm Implantation (ICSI) - See link for IVF
Even farther on the spectrum of IVF, and more expensive. This is when your sperm and eggs won't unite on their own for whatever reason when they mix them together in the test tube, so the doctors actually pick a single sperm and shove it into the egg to get the embryo.

Donors
People also have the option of using donors for almost any part of the process - anywhere from donor eggs, to donor sperm, to borrowed uterus (also called a surrogate). This can get very morally sticky, and in the case of using a surrogate, even legally sticky by means of custody, etc. The potential for problems and miscommunications are endless. Not to mention expensive and risky, based on your personal preferences as a parent.

There is so so so much more - this is hardly the tip of the iceberg. But hopefully it gives you an idea of the scope of what's possible, and what those who are interested in pursuing the options have to consider.

Now that we know the options, lets get personal - why not fertility assistance for us?

If my dramatic portrayal of the risks involved didn't indicate well enough how I feel, here it is: I don't think that the potential risks are worth the potential benefits. Said again: the things that could go wrong, and how much that would cost (physically, emotionally, financially, morally) do not outweigh the benefits in my mind.

Another reason: A fellow (Christian) blogger who also suffers from infertility said it this way (not a direct quote, but this is the gist of it): "I don't want to take something that is beautiful and natural and created by God (the act of making a baby) and turn it into a sterile lab procedure." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Another reason: Why does adoption have to be a last resort? "Oh, I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked, so I guess we have to adopt to get a child." I don't want to look at my adopted child and think "We could have done better." I bet if you ask those who have adopted children, no matter their reason for the adoption, (a group I soon hope to be a part of) they would say that they love and own that child as much as anyone who physically births a baby. I will choose to take a proactive and positive approach to loving my child, no matter how God chooses to give him or her to me. Adoption is a special way of making people into a family, and in my mind is something to be embraced and celebrated. Love is a choice, not a feeling - ask anyone who is happily married. Although not a concept endorsed by our society, I firmly believe that the Bible teaches this.

Another reason: I have said this before, and will say it again. If God wants us to be pregnant, we will be. He doesn't need the help of medical professionals for us to add to our family. There is a child (or hopefully children) out there who God has intended for our family. Whether sitting in an orphanage in India, or in our bodies waiting to be conceived, or waiting to be conceived through someone else that we could someday adopt - I don't care who or where - if God allows the process, whatever it entails, for us to acquire children, then I will feel blessed and be thankful for it.

Another reason: Though these fertility assistance methods have been tested and improved upon over the years, there is certainly never a guarantee. Financially speaking, these can be anywhere from kind-of expensive to you-only-have-enough-money-to-do-this-once-and-even-then-you-just-drained-your-retirement-account expensive. And even then, you could end up with no baby. I have heard countless stories where people spend every dime they have, and put second mortgages on their houses, etc., and at the end of the day, they are still not mommies and daddies. I am much too cheap to take that kind of a risk. Also of note: people who choose to pursue these things get little or no help from insurance, so somehow have to come up with the funds for this on their own. In my mind, money spent here could just as well be invested for a future college tab, or a bunch of trips to India, or any number of other things.

If I haven't somehow answered the questions above yet, I will do so now.

"Are you sure you don't want to try IVF - I know someone it worked for and..."
IVF is an amazing thing, and I am sure it has made countless families very happy. I am happy for those who are happy because of it. I personally know people who have done this, and who it worked for, and they have the most precious and beautiful children as a result. It is still not something I am willing to do. To clarify: we are not saying our choice is right for everyone. At the end of the day, each person has to be able to accept decisions they have made. We all have different ways of looking at things.

"Are you sure you aren't going to someday regret not ever trying harder to have your own child?"
Two answers to this one. First, we aren't going to stop trying to have a biological baby. We will keep doing everything we can do - 2 people in the confines of a bedroom - to become pregnant. I still hope and pray that this will happen for us someday. If it doesn't, I will be thankful for whatever (whomever) God provides. And second, any adopted child we have is OUR child. As much as any biological child we may someday have.

"What will you do with your adopted child if you happen to get pregnant someday?"
Um, duh, love it, and care for it, and punish it, and teach it, and buy it stuff, and play with it, and make it mad, and make it happy, and let it make me mad, and let it make me happy, and laugh with it, and cry with it, and dream about it's future, and celebrate with it, and celebrate its part in our family, and hopefully one day lead it to Christ...I'm sure there's more. And, tell it to say that "At least Mom and Dad chose me - they got stuck with you!" if the biological child ever gave the adopted child grief about being adopted. :)

"Are you sure you're not disappointing (Narasimha or Kristina) by not trying harder?"
We are 2 adults who are happily married and very much want the best for each other before ourselves individually. This is a decision that has been made to be the best, not for either of us individually, but for both of us together and as a family. This decision has not been made without much conversation and prayer, and many moments of sadness and tears about our missing children, and many moments of hope and happiness looking forward to what lies ahead for our family. This is no small decision and we do not take it lightly. May I encourage you that unless you have been "there" (whether "there" is infertility, dealing with sick family members, personal problems, financial difficulties, etc.) don't give advice to people who are dealing with "there" - just be encouraging. And if you can't do that, don't say anything at all. I am not saying that you are not allowed to lovingly raise important issues that may not have been considered/discussed. But if the people directly involved say "Yup, I've thought of that and I'm willing to deal with it," then believe them and let it go.

"Is this something your religion won't let you do?"
My religion isn't Baptist (although that's what it says on the church we attend) - my religion is being a follower of Jesus Christ, or "Christian." The Christian handbook is the Bible, and no, it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that "Thou shall not do IVF." You can look - it's not in there. Through the Bible, however, we can learn Christian principles, and learn to know God better, and through those things we can feel like we are making decisions that would best please God. Though I don't think that fertility assistance measures necessarily fall under the category of black and white "sin" I think there are a lot of issues in fertility assistance that do count as "sin" and then a lot of gray area. I personally try to look at Christian living on a good-better-best continuum. Maybe before "good" would be not necessarily sin, but not good. That is where I would personally, especially for my life, place IVF. And then you have to be careful, because there are so many things that could push you into the "sin" category. I don't know why, with so many homeless children out there, I would make myself face these tough choices when I can get a child without doing so. I know from the Bible that God loves me and wants me to be happy, as a child of His. I also know He wants me to trust Him unconditionally for everything I want and need. I also know that if I wait and do things His way rather than try on my own, I will be much happier and more at peace with any outcome that happens (interesting Biblical parallel - read in Genesis 16 about Abraham and Sarah's infertility, and what they did about it, and how that turned out). I will choose to wait. Waiting doesn't mean doing nothing, and it doesn't necessarily mean not exploring options. I believe that adoption is in a sense taking things in our own hands. The difference here is that there isn't really anything about it that is "sin," and if we approach it prayerfully and still asking for God's blessing, we can have peace that this is what He intends for our family. My God is a God of love, and He wants us to manifest His love unconditionally, and adoption is one way I believe we can do that, and make Him happy and still get what we want, which is a family.

Yikes, that's a lot of info for one post. This will probably be about the last time I talk about fertility assistance - I just wanted to set the record straight. My identity will continue to be defined by infertility, and also now as an (potential) adoptive parent. I know this is long - I hope it was helpful for you, no matter how much you know about infertility or issues surrounding it.

May Narasimha and I continue to want to please our God more than anyone else, and may God be honored by this issue of infertility/adoption in our lives.

Details: Bringing Baby Home

I started checking into the process of being able to bring the baby back into the US. It isn't as easy as I'd hoped (I don't know why I was thinking it would be - duh!). As far as I know, the adoption part and getting the child from India isn't any harder (thankfully). It's just the part of getting the child able to enter the US with us when we come to bring it home. Yesterday I went to the USA Govt's website and just looked at the International Adoption page, and wow, there are a lot of details to consider, and a lot of stuff to do on a timeline, etc. I am still hoping to be able to do the work by myself and not hire a lawyer, but I sure wouldn't want to screw anything up. By the time I get done, I should be eligible for a law degree myself :) There are some things about our situation that will likely make things slightly less complicated, but almost in the same breath, more difficult too. Sounds contradictory - I know.

On another note, an update about us and our decisions: We have decided after much prayer and conversation that we will tell the orphanage/Indian Govt that we will accept a child, pending our final approval, with medical needs. Right now we have no idea what that will entail - what will be wrong, the age or gender of the child, etc. We will likely get an older-than-newborn child, but I don't know how much older. I actually don't know how they chose a child to give you if you are sidestepping the normal routine of just waiting in line for a healthy newborn. I am pretty sure it isn't like baby shopping, where we go in and point and say "That one." Obviously this hasn't been decided in the last 2 days since my previous post - this has been in the back of our minds for a while. Now I can just say that we have actually talked through the issues, like why now on a first child instead of on a subsequent child, why would we take an older child the first time around, how will this affect our marriage and ability to be good parents, etc. I am not saying that we think this will be easy (dealing with everything when Baby is home with us) - but we do feel confident that this is something God is calling us to do. That's enough reason for me to be at peace with the situation.

And, we have also decided that besides general adoption details/timeline, we don't want to tell any of the specifics of our potential child until we are in India and the child is physically in our arms and the whole thing is done. There are many reasons for this...so we won't be telling gender, age, name (which we already have picked out), medical problems, etc, until we are sure that the information we are giving out is about our child - not details about a little person who could end up not working out.

Please be in prayer for us as we continue to make decisions and process information and do the busy work, and for our child - he or she may already be born.

Adoption: Starting the Process

In a previous post (one from our India Trip I believe) I said that I would post some of the details of the start of our adoption process. Not much has actually happened since then, but I can post what I know as of right now.

When we were in India we went to an orphanage in Hyderabad, which is where Narasimha is from. We didn't actually expect to find anything out about our own potential adoption while we were visiting. Narasimha actually told the lady on the phone that we weren't interested in adopting right now, because if we would have told her we were, she likely wouldn't have let us come. And, he didn't lie to her - we were just going to check it out as maybe something to look into down the line, and see if the facility was someplace we could see taking a child out of and into our home. However, somehow when we were there, Narasimha started asking hypothetical questions about the process, and they ended up turning a little personal to our potential situation. I think the lady must have known we weren't trying to pull a fast one on her, so she was willing to answer all of our questions and turned out to be very helpful. I think they try to steer clear of foreigners thinking they can show up one day and walk out with a baby the next or something. Some of the things we learned from her (some of this might be a repeat from a previous post - sorry):
-There are restrictions on age, couple status, etc., of people who want to adopt. None of these restrictions should be a problem for us.
-First priority for placement goes to resident Indians; second priority goes to non-resident Indians; third priority goes to anyone else of any other nationality who meets other criteria. We would get to use Narasimha's non-resident Indian status (NRI) and be "second priority."
-The orphanage gets something like 9,000 applications for adoption a year.
-The waiting time to get a healthy baby is something like 2-5 years, depending on your priority status and the gender of child you want. I think that might be from the time the application is received or processed, but it could be from the time the homestudy is approved - I'm not sure.
-If you get a baby, you could have the baby as early as 3 months old, or even earlier.
-Children who come to the orphanage later than newborn, or babies or children with medical issues, are harder to adopt out. If a couple is willing to take an older child, or one with medical issues, they will put you on the fast-track for your homestudy and you could have a child within 6 months. These medical "issues" could range from mental retardation, to unfixed cleft palate, to heart defects, to umbilical hernias, etc.

That's sort-of the general information that comes to mind - now here's where we are:
-We have to fill out a packet of information and do some things and send it all in. Our packet then goes to a place in New Delhi to the national government for sorting and processing. Someone from the Indian Government who is here in the US (I think) will then contact us and set up a time to do a homestudy.
-I have called the US Government and left a message with someone about what we would need to do to get paperwork for the child to be able to enter the country. I think we might have a good situation here as far as N and I having different nationalities: we can get a baby faster from India through him, and we can get the baby into the States easier through my American citizenship. I have not yet heard back from them.
-I am not sure if I need to contact an adoption lawyer, although right now I haven't and don't see any reason to. Everything we have right now we can easily do on our own, and since the child would be coming from and Indian orphanage, I don't think we will have placement or custody issues - I am pretty sure the biological parents, when the child goes to the orphanage, relinquish their parental rights. And once we have it in the States, I don't think they could fight to get it back anyways.
-We have not yet decided what we want in a child. I know we don't care about gender (you don't get to pick that if it comes out of you). We have some serious talking and praying to do regarding the age and potential medical problems we are willing to accept. This is no light matter, and we want to be sure we are informed, but also let God lead us and not scare too easily. So many of the medical "issues" could be fixed with a surgery (simple or very complex) that a child might not be able to have in India, and I am not sure I am willing to disregard a child who has something wrong with him or her that could very well happen if we had a child biologically. We have also talked about the possibility of getting an older child (and our limit would likely be around 4 years old) because there is still a chance we could get pregnant. If we adopted an older child, and then got pregnant, there would still be some gap in our children's ages (which is what I would prefer).
-Praise the Lord! I actually called our insurance company today for something unrelated, and while I had the lady on the phone I decided to ask about how adopting a child with a known medical issue might affect coverage on that child under the presumption of "pre-existing condition" - that was one of the issues we decided we'd need to know about before accepting a child with a medical problem. She didn't know, so I got transferred around a bit, but the final answer I was given was that they would pay for anything, even in an older child, as they would if you birthed or adopted a newborn, keeping in mind our deductible and out-of-pocket max, etc. This is a HUGE blessing and quite encouraging, and I really think the insurance company is doing a good thing here that they wouldn't necessarily have to.
-I am not sure how little or much we will know about the child's past, family medical history, etc. We forgot to ask until now but I am sure there will be opportunities in the future.
-As I understand it, if we decided to go with an older child or one with medical issues, we could be parents by the end of 2008 :)

That's basically the gist of it - I have to get busy and get some paperwork and other things going. Then, I have to clean the house and get ready for the homestudy. And, as I said before, we have some serious praying and thinking to do regarding the aforementioned issues. God will lead, of that I am confident. I just want to be sure that we invite God into every step of this process. Please feel free to ask any questions if you have them. And we would very much appreciate your prayers for wisdom and discernment as we begin this very exciting journey!

A New Routine

Narasimha and I are trying something new, and so far it is going pretty well. We have had a hard time getting into really any type of a routine since moving to M-town - between the India trip, and moving twice, and a new job, etc. So this week we joined the gym, and decided that we will do strength and resistance training in the mornings before Narasimha goes to work, and then do cardio in the evenings sometime. Getting on a schedule is great if you can keep it, and so far we're doing well. Although I'm not gonna lie - getting up at 5 or so is tough when you're more of a 9 kinda girl :) It has also been a blessing from a spiritual aspect - we give ourselves extra time in the morning so we can have breakfast together and then do a Bible study and spend time in prayer as a couple. I looked over my New Year's resolutions and this schedule could actually accomplish a few of them :) So, if it seems like I'm posting less, I am, as I get used to my new schedule and adjust to my new sleeping hours.

More Pictures - Hyderabad

Some fun from our time in Hyderabad.

The first day we were there. We brought the kids markers as gifts, so my sister and I colored with them.

Me learning how to ride the motor bike, with my brother-in-law and nephew and niece trying to keep up and make sure I don't crash (which I almost did :)

All of us on a boat, in a lake in Hyderabad called Hussein Sagar. We were going by boat out to the middle of the lake to see a giant Buddha statue.

All of us, in front of the giant Buddha statue. This is the largest monolithic (single-stone) Buddha in the whole world.

Shopping for pottery at an open-air market.

3 girls, at Golconda Fort.

Some of Hyderabad from the top of Golconda Fort.

Narasimha and his brother at Golconda Fort.

One of Hyderabad's most famous structures. It's called Charminar, and is in the Muslim part of town. It looks nice lit up at night.

More Pictures - Hyderabad, Part 2

Continued...

In the part of town by Charminar - we are at a small (and fairly dirty) food shop, and Narasimha wanted to try his luck at not getting sick and eat a real, authentic Hyderabadi lassi. After this, he had another because it was so good. And he hasn't died yet :)

The night we went out to eat at our reception place - the Indians (Narasimha's dad and mom, his brother, him, and his brother's kids).

A few hours before we left - Narasimha playing with our niece.

And what good is it without someone to race? Now 2 brothers with 2 kids.

My mother-in-law :) She's so sweet and a lot of fun to be with, especially when we can understand each other.

We girls decided to each buy rings to commemorate our time in India. Mine is on the bottom - it's silver and blue topaz, and I got it in Northern India. My sister's is top right, and hers is silver with many small stones of different colors - also from North India. Her friend bought hers in Hyderabad, and is silver with something navy or deep purple.

Gifts I got from my inlaws while there. My mother-in-law gave me the saree. My father-in-law gave me money, and I bought a ring (see below). My brother in law gave me money also, and I picked a nice string of pearls and a white pashmina shawl.

My ring, from my father-in-law. It is white gold and diamonds.

Our souvenirs (not including the gifts we bought for others - wouldn't want to ruin the surprise :)

More Pictures - North India

I can't seem to narrow down the pics as far as I'd like, so I will just post a lot :) North India will come today, and I'll do some extras from our time in Hyderabad tomorrow. Enjoy :)

Narasimha and I riding in the back of an auto rickshaw ("auto") - I had to sit on him because the girls were with us and it was tight :)

An open-air fish shop that we walked by in Delhi

Three girls from the top of a minna (or tower) at a mosque in Delhi - we were probably 10-15 stories up, and you can kinda see out in the background.

Narasimha and I enjoying a lassi (yogurt drink) at a restaurant in Delhi - these are the greatest!

3 girls in our open-air jeep, going toward our lodge in the tiger sanctuary. It was only probably 50 degrees (F) - and with the open top and movement, that feels chilly

A paw print of a REAL tiger - though we didn't see the tiger, we knew where it was from the warning calls of all the animals around us. We came close to seeing 3 tigers during our day or so in the sanctuary (yikes!).

Us getting on our elephant the morning of our safari - her (the elephant's) name was Lakshma.

The dense forest we saw and trekked through during our elephant safari. It was really cool.

The watchtower we stayed on for 2 hours out all by ourselves in the forest (or jungle, or whatever it was). It was probably 4 stories high, and when our driver left, he said to come down before he came back "at our own risk." We were technically looking for tigers, which we didn't see, but we did see wild boars, like a million birds, crocodiles and alligators, deer, and monkeys. Actually, one monkey climbed the tower and tried to steal my purse (not kidding).

More Pictures - North India, Part 2

Continued...

The view from the top of the watchtower (see last picture of previous post).

Narasimha and I looking at an astronomy and astrology thing in Jaipur - there were some pretty cool things here.

I was going to wave to the girls from this hallway so they could take a pic. Turns out the wall was higher than I thought, but we still made the shot (and then my sister's friend came over to take a pic of how we got the shot :) - at a fort in Jaipur.

Me walking through a very small doorway at a castle in Jaipur.

Some snake charmers (and real snakes) on the street in Jaipur.

Girls shopping in Jaipur - my sister went a little pillowcase crazy on this trip, and this store was where the frenzy started.

Have you ever been in a traffic jam, not in a zoo, and looked over and saw an elephant beside you? :)

Narasimha and I on the "Diana Bench" - named for Princess Diana - at the Taj Mahal.

The final resting place of Mahatma Gandhi, in Delhi.