In Sickness and In Health

Well once again it's been quite a while. Life goes so fast sometimes and it's hard to keep up...

This week has been no different in that there's always so much to do, but a little different in that we've had an unexpected but pretty much mandatory slow-down. Our house was hit by the flu. Yup - my doctor hubby was rendered pretty much incapacitated for the better part of this week.

Monday he was tired and sneezing. Tuesday he didn't feel well but went to work anyways (it's hard for the clinic staff to reschedule a whole day's patients at the last minute, and call schedule changes, and blah blah blah...). By early Tuesday afternoon his nurse let him sleep for an hour with his head on his desk before he finished out his afternoon. Tuesday evening when he got home from work he fell asleep in the chair and I had to wake him to get ready for bed hours later. By Wed AM his temp was 104.5, and then he started regularly pumping Tylenol. That evening he started Tamiflu. He missed work Thursday and today as well, though he is now slowly on the mend.

I also have had a little of it - I have been achy and pretty tired and have had a fever on and off, but haven't needed meds and I've bounced back lots quicker. At least one of us was able to be fairly normal because Jaxx hasn't been very forgiving...

I have learned in the last week a little about our marriage which was kind of surprising to me. We normally spend almost all of our time together (when he's not at work, obviously) and with him sleeping all the time I found myself kinda lonely, and I don't generally consider myself to be a "needy" person. But I've missed him. I also found that I was less patient with him and his needs than I would have thought I would be. Don't get me wrong - I still helped him and nursed him and did everything I needed to, but it gave me a real perspective on the marriage vow "In sickness and in health."

So many people sail through so much of their marriage not having to fully grasp what the unpleasantness of that vow can mean. I dealt with it for less than a week and I'm ready for hubby to be back to self-sufficiency. I have a new respect for those who are in a marriage where the health of their spouse requires so much more than I've ever had to give for long periods of time. Now, if it were asked of me to do so, would I? Yes, I would like to think that I would. Would I like it? Maybe not, but probably for many reasons.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting at. It's late - it's been a long week. There are lots of spiritual applications that could be drawn from this but I don't really have the state of mind to go there. So I guess this is just a personal pondering of: selfishness, love, sacrifice, marriage, responsibility, etc. And how a week with the flu made me consider my marriage and be very thankful for the husband I have and the general health God has chosen to bless us with most of the time.

The Meeting

Well this report is a little overdue and doesn't have a "happily ever after" ending but I'll share anyways for all of you who are wondering and who have said kind and encouraging words over the last week or so.

The meeting went really well. We met at a Chinese restaurant (Narasimha, me, our friends who know the birthmom, the birthmom, and her mom) and had a nice lunch. When we got there I thought "this place is so crowded how are we ever going to talk about something so serious?" but it ended up working out perfectly. I don't think anyone wanted to talk with all those people around so we just had a nice lunch and got to know each other better. By the time we were done eating the restaurant cleared out. The food was gone and the bill was paid and we were all sitting there looking at our hands - no one knew where to start. Finally I broke the silence and we had a really nice talk. We told her that we care about her - not just because she's carrying a baby we'd like to have, but because she's a person and she's in a scary place. We talked about her options (abortion, adoption, keeping the baby) and the pros and cons of each (and, if you're wondering, I pointed out how we can be tricked into thinking the cons are really pros in the case of abortion, where there really are no "pros"). We talked about what being a mother might look like in her situation - how hard it would be and how she might not be ready. We talked about adoption and how even though it's not easy, sometimes (and more often in certain situations) it really is the most loving and selfless thing an expectant mom can do for her baby and for another family. We showed her the faces of 2 people who want a baby more than we even know how to express, and how we're normal, happy people who just can't have kids. We told her that if she adopted it out, we would be honored if she would consider/choose us to raise her baby, but that there was no obligation and would be no hard feelings if she wanted to check out other families. I told her I would be there to support her every step of the way no matter what she ended up choosing to do. We gave her the number for a pregnancy counselor from Bethany Christian Services (an adoption agency that I've heard supports their birth moms very well). Upon a question she asked, we talked a little about how we thought we'd raise the baby if she did give it to us. On the way out we all hugged and she excitedly showed me an ultrasound she had just a few days earlier. The baby was just a little white peanut on the fuzzy black background.

I think she had a fair amount of pressure to abort the baby, but I never got the feeling that she had any interest in doing so. I think in her mind it was whether to keep it (which I think she really wanted to do, but knew she would have a really hard time doing) or give it to another family.

Unfortunately this story does not have a warm fuzzy ending. Last night when I was coaching at my volleyball game I got a voicemail from her. She didn't feel "right" so she was on her way to the doctor. We texted back and forth and she said she might be losing the baby but she wouldn't know until Thursday (tomorrow). I got a text about a half hour ago saying that she lost the baby.

I told her I am praying for her and that I'd like to continue to have a relationship with her - she is really a great person and honestly after the meeting I was torn about even wanting her baby because that would have probably meant less of a relationship with her, which I also want. I am going to go visit her soon. Please pray for her during this difficult time - she must be feeling a lot of different things right now. I know I am.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (my paraphrase) You do not have any trial or hardship in your life that others haven't gone through before - it may be tough but it's not unique and you're not alone. God is faithful and He'll never give you more than He'll help you to handle, and because of how much He loves you He'll give you a way not just to survive but to thrive in any situation, no matter how hard it is. The ultimate victory is in honoring Christ in the midst of any struggle.

A Meeting

We get to meet the expectant mom. TOMORROW! I still have no idea that it will work out, or even that it should, but to be an encouragement to a woman in need will be worth the time no matter what happens. Please pray for our words and our hearts - that when we meet we are most concerned with this woman and her baby and their well-being, and that our own interest in the situation is not selfish or manipulative. I talked with a friend and her words made me realize that this woman's need right now, if she doesn't personally have a relationship with Jesus (and I don't think she does), has everything to do with that lack of relationship and nothing to do with her baby. If she gives her life to Christ then everything else in her life, including this baby, will fall into place. It might not be easy, but this avenue called pregnancy could be leading her to the highway called eternal salvation. Nothing is more important.

A Baby

Well, I have something to report for those who are interested and to ask for prayer for those of you who pray.

I was approached by a friend and told of a baby that she knows of that could potentially be available for adoption. The parents of this baby are not ready to be parents and for some reason (praise God - no matter if we got the baby or not) they are not interested in abortion. So, there is a baby that will likely need a home. Apparently the mother is only a month or two along in the pregnancy, so it would give us plenty of time to work out the details.

I obviously want a baby - we've tried to get pregnant for over 4 years now, which seems at times like an eternity. But, I don't know if this baby is for us. So we'll wait and see. And pray a whole lot in the meantime. Several people in the last few years have said stuff to us like "I know a pregnant lady who might be giving her baby up..." or "I heard of a baby the other day and thought of you two..." so, I've heard this before and won't be getting my hopes too far up. I don't even know if it's possible with Narasimha's immigration status - I don't know if we can adopt an American baby. All details we'll have to check into. So, in my free time (HA! - I have none) I will see what I can find out on the internet and calling around.

But, if this little one is a baby for our family, well, I can't help but feel a little excited about that.

Pray for us as we check into this and make decisions - I am sure there will be many.

What's the Catch?

A week ago was my last day of class (more about that in a different post) and as I was on my way out of town to come home I called my mom to see if I could stop by and visit her at work before I left. She said sure, and then asked if I'd be able to stop by at a gas station and pick her up a fountain drink. Her job is physically strenuous and she was in the middle of something, so of course I said "No problem."

I got to the gas station, and only needed to buy the soda (no gas or anything else). So I went in and did what she said - 1/3 full of ice, a "shot" of cherry flavor, and fill it up with Pepsi. As I walked up to the counter with my money in my hand the young man behind the counter looked at my cup and said "Is that all?" Yup, that was it. "Well, then it's free," he said. Huh? He explained that since it was the gas station's grand re-opening or whatever they were giving away fountain drinks of that size for free all weekend. So then me (being the quick learner I am) said, "So I don't have to give you any money?" He laughed and shook his head and said no. So I thanked him, and walked back to my car - money still in hand, and probably still a confused look on my face.

As I was driving my mom's cherry soda to her I was thinking of how often our interactions with God look all too much like my interaction with the boy behind the counter who probably was thinking "How does this woman get out of bed in the morning?" :)

How often do we hear of God's free gift to us of salvation (John 3:16), and yet we somehow can't grasp that when someone says "Free" we don't have to give payment.

What about those of us who have accepted God's free gift? We know that when we die we will be bound for an eternity in heaven with a Holy God who sent his Son to earth to take our punishment. How often do even we base our works on staying on God's "good side" or maybe earning an extra Christian gold star to put by our name? I am reminded of the prophet Isaiah's words that our good works are no better than filthy rags when illuminated by the presence of the holiness of God (Isaiah 64:6).

So where do we go from here? Does this mean that since our works are worthless we forget about it - accept our salvation and do what we want? NO! Of course not! Our works don't change our salvation - our salvation changes our works. That little difference of the order of those words actually isn't so little. We don't work FOR our salvation - we work BECAUSE OF our salvation. We do our best to show our thankfulness and love for a Savior who did so much for us! Are your works and interactions with people every minute of every day a testament of what God has done for your eternity? I know mine aren't! Thank goodness for God's loving grace - not only to save us from our sins, but also to allow us to live for Him more and more each day!

I hope this was an encouragement to you. And I hope, as you go through your "daily grind" you are able to see God in something as small as a free fountain drink :)

Ladies' Book Club

I want to share something that I have started in our local church - just to share and also to ask for prayer (that rhymed ;)

I always wanted to start something like this in the church we came from, but I finally am getting around to doing it here, and I'm really excited for what God can do with it.

It's called "Ladies' Book Club" and basically it is a voluntary group for ladies of our church, and visitors or friends, to read a book and then get together informally and talk about it. I personally really love to read, and I love to read a little bit of everything - from fiction, to apologetics, to counseling, to exegetical study - a variety of really anything. I have read SO MANY great books as a returning seminary student, and just out of personal interest.

So I typed up a proposal to give to our church elders for approval - I could have done it outside the church and on my own, with friends only, but I really think that something like this has the potential to connect women from the church and create closer relationships among people who might not be obvious "friends." So the church approved it and we're on our way.

The way I plan to do it: I picked several books that I feel will promote good conversation. Not all the books are theologically "perfect" - which I think is also a good thing. I want to be able to pick a book apart and talk about what good can be gotten and what are the issues one should beware of, thus further solidifying the basis of our faith. We will do a book every 2 months. I will hand out the info for the next book at the discussion hour of the current book. I have also printed up an optional "Discussion Aid" with questions to get people thinking more in depth about the book.

Our first book is Beautiful in God's Eyes by Elizabeth George. It is a fairly quick and easy read, and I think it has content that can be applied to the life of any woman. It is basically an applicational study of Proverbs 31. We are meeting to discuss the book in mid-May.

If you remember, please pray for this ministry, and for me as I lead the discussion groups. If you are interested in joining us, contact me :) If you can't come but would like my notes on the book or the Discussion Aid for your own personal use, contact me. And, if you have any books that you think would be a beneficial addition to our line-up, let me know! I want to add books that will grow us, stretch our thinking and faith, and bring us together in Jesus' name. I would also welcome suggestions if you are a part of something like this in your own local church :)

Thanks

I would like to share something I am thankful for this year. Here goes...

I am thankful for our infertility. Don't get me wrong - I am still sad, and I still want a baby as much as ever (though I am working on being ok with the very real possibility that children might not be in my future), but I am working on having a thankful heart for this and everything else I have in life, whether it feels "good" or "bad."

God loves me and promises to give me His best for me. Our infertility is a gift from God. It's tough to see it, and especially to feel it, but it is theologically true. Infertility is God's best for my life. It is a blessing. It is being used to grow me into the person God wants me to be. It enables me to serve in the areas God wants me to serve. It gives me compassion to minister to those who need compassion as only I, in my unique circumstances, can give.

It is not easy, trust me, and just this last week I have had to deal with some painful information regarding this whole infertility journey. But it's ok. And not only is it ok - it's what's best for me. And, it's hard for me to be thankful for this. But I am working on thinking this way all the time. It's a work in progress.

Thanksgiving Day was spent with my family. We were able to take one of our youth group girls with us to spend the day, and it was fun to have her around and spend time with her.

Friday we got up very early (1:30 AM) and drove to Des Moines to do Black Friday shopping. We were at the mall by 3:30, and we didn't get home until almost 6 PM. Then to dinner with friends.

It was a good weekend, fun with family and friends. Now back to the grind and getting ready for this holiday season and what's sure to be a very busy winter. Just looking at my calendar for the next few months makes my head spin.

Hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving with family and friends, and hope you were able to take some time to reflect on the blessings God has given you - whether obvious or "hidden."

Thank you, Jesus, for "working all things together for good." (Romans 8:28)

Life is Short

My husband and I are youth group leaders at our church with another couple. Our group is fairly small and normally runs about 10 kids on a Wednesday evening.

I found out this AM that a boy who visited a few weeks ago, a senior in high school, was killed last night in a car accident. He hadn't been back again since his first visit. I am unsure if he had ever placed his trust in Christ.

I am in shock. I hardly knew this boy, though several of our girls went to his school. I keep trying to remember everything that happened the night he visited, but one question keeps coming to the forefront: Did we clearly present the salvation message the night he was there? And the answer is: I don't know.

I am pretty sure the week he visited we watched the second part of a video meant to discredit the theory of evolution from a Biblical perspective. But I just don't remember everything that was said when talking about the video before and after.

I think sometimes in my responsibility as a youth leader I get lazy - I always think "Aw, these kids are young, they'll be back - we'll deal with issue xyz next week." But they might not be back. They might not even make it home that night.

I have heard of a lot of deaths of young people lately - maybe no more of them are dying - maybe word just travels faster on the internet so you hear of it more...

One thing is certain: my eyes have been opened to the fact that life is short, and there are no sure things. My salvation has been sealed and I am ready to meet Jesus. But am I sure that everyone I talk to can say that same thing? Of course not. Do I need to do a better job of witnessing? Yes of course. Am I going to? I better.

This has been a wake up call for me: Wake up and love people enough to make sure they know Jesus the FIRST time, because it might be your last time talking to them.

Please pray for Leo's family and for the 2 survivors of the accident, who are also HS boys.

And if you've happened upon this blog and don't know me or what I'm talking about, don't wait to find out. This isn't a doomsday commercial, but anything could happen at any time. Email me at nkiowa@hotmail.com or find a Holy Bible and read the book of Romans.

Last Game

This evening is the last volleyball game I get to coach with my first group of freshman girls. I have coached 2 seasons before this at a Christian school here in town - so it's not the end of my first season. It's also not our last game - my primary responsibility is freshman but I also help with varsity, and their post-season play begins next week. So the season isn't over quite yet, but today is my last group with MY group of girls.

They've learned a lot (not nearly all from me) and they've really improved and I'm proud of them. We had a good time and it'll be fun to watch them travel through the ranks.

And as my first season in the public schools with a fairly competitive and talented team I have also learned a lot. The level at which these girls play is different than what I've coached before at the Christian school and even than what I used to play as a high school player. Volleyball has really "evolved" in the last few decades and it's very cool to get my head back in the game at this level of competition. There's really nothing like watching a good volleyball match. And I get a front-row seat :)

And, now that I will have a little more free time I am going to be hitting my homework hard for the second class I am taking in Nouthetic Counseling. The assignment is a lot of reading (which I also did last year). I'd like to get a book review up on here but I had always intended to do that last year as well and it never happened, so we'll see... I also have to write a 17-20 page paper on exegesis and (counseling) application of a passage of Scripture. I was given I think 7 passages to choose from and I picked Ephesians 4:1-16. Many people in my class are Pastors or at least Bible school grads, so this could stretch me at least a little. Which is a good thing, right? :)

It's Been a While

Wow - well, it's been a while... No, we didn't drop off the face of the earth. It's been more like running around crazy all the time I feel like. Let's see if I can fill in some of what's happened since my last post. There are many posts that I started and just never got finished, and in 6+ months they can really pile up. So, maybe someday I'll get some of that stuff posted but for now I'll do what I can.

The Adoption: Still a no go. And we're at peace with that - the issue of starting again hasn't really come up. It is certainly not that we don't want a child - we still do very much. Just with everything that happened when it finally became clear that it wasn't going to work - last time we talked about it we wanted to let it go for now, and maybe forever. Someday maybe I'll post what I started writing back in Feb to post on here as to why it didn't work. But maybe not - I'm not sure that it matters. One thing is certain: following our experiences I have strongly considered becoming an adoption activist on some sort of political level. Don't know where that's going either for right now...

At the end of February we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.

In March we went to Florida with my family, which was fun. While there we rented a Harley for a day and drove a couple hundred miles on the open road.

April was quiet - a sort of calm before the storm that has described our summer...

In May we went to Fiji for a week. We had a blast - it is beautiful there! We did it sort-of as a celebration of our 5th anniversary, and sort-of as something to take our mind off the failed adoption. Narasimha had saved up most of his vacation in the case we could go to India to pick up our child early in the summer, and when that fell through we decided to use it to kick up our heels. It was fantastic to get away and reconnect. I couldn't have asked for a better relaxing vacation. I really would like to post something about the trip sometime - timeline and pics and stuff. We'll have to see. But I can say now that it's been like 5 months since we've been there I can still remember like every small detail - it truly was the trip of a lifetime.

In June we took a trip to the Creation Museum and to Mammoth Caves in Kentucky with our Youth Group (which we co-lead with another couple from our church). We were gone for 4 days and had a really good (but exhausting) time. I would like to also have a post dedicated to that trip at some point. That trip used up the rest of Narasimha's saved adoption vacation days.

In June and July we got new appliances for our kitchen, which we have loved, but took up a lot of my time since the fridge didn't fit exactly in the space for it, so we had to do some modifications to our cabinets. Dust got EVERYWHERE and I am still (literally) cleaning up from that.

In July I spent 1 week as a junior high camp counselor at our Regular Baptist Camp here in Iowa, with my friend Kris as a co-counselor and 4 girls from our youth group. We also had 4 girls from other churches. That is the same camp I went to several times as a kid. It was an experience. I came home exhausted but changed and more aware of my responsibility to the kids I interact with in my position as a youth leader.

I also got a random call for a volleyball coaching job I had applied for months before and never heard anything about. In the course of just a few days I had landed myself a freshman volleyball coaching job at the public school here in town. I then had to rush through getting certified by the state and through all the other little requirements.

We also went with my family to Colorado for a few days for the wedding of a family friend. We got to do some hiking in the Rockies while there which was a blast.

In August I started my coaching job. Starting the season is a pretty intense time commitment. The first week is camp - so 10 or so hours a day for a week. Then for the next week and a half there are 2-a-day practices until school starts. Since the first day of school in August we have either had practice after school or a game all but maybe 2 days. And a few all-day Saturday tournaments.

I also started the second class working toward my Masters' in Nouthetic (Christian) Counseling, and now I am trying to get the homework for that class done. Homework and all the reading is due in just a few weeks. (YIKES!)

Also in August Narasimha acted on a dream he's had for a while now and became the proud owner of a brand new Harley Davidson. Someday maybe I'll post pics - it's a nice bike and we've had some fun riding around. We haven't gone on any super long trips yet because we haven't had the time, but we're looking forward to logging some miles in the warm weather months of years to come.

At the beginning of the month we also went on a family camping trip to Lanesboro, MN, and floated down the river on intertubes for several hours. The whole family went, including both Kyndra and Kyra's boyfriends. It was fun and relaxing, and something we're considering making into some sort of annual thing.

We also started taking apart our deck so we can build a new one. We want a new one partially to upgrade and make it a little nicer than the one that was there. But the real reason for doing the remake is because the deck we had wasn't built correctly and it would constantly cause our breezeway to flood anytime it rained hard - which is just getting old. The deck is now totally down and we have plans for the new deck - now we just have to build it.

September came and went and I don't know how it all happened so fast. I of course kept coaching. Narasimha took Step II of his Psychiatry boards. Nothing too special happened but time flew by.

Now we're into October: looking forward to a busy month ahead. Narasimha's brother and sis-in-law will be visiting for a long weekend from the East Coast. The regular season of volleyball will end close to the end of the month. We have a few youth group activities planned at church. There are a few other obligations we have at church and with family.

Time flies - I don't think it matters if you're having fun or not (which we are - I'm just sayin'...). Busy 3 months left of 2009 and already have quite a bit on the calendar for the 1st half of 2010. Hope this finds all of you well - somehow even after not posting forever my traffic counter down in the corner says I have the occasional visitor. So thanks for stopping by! Leave a note, and I'll try to be a little more regular with my posts. Happy Monday :)

Pause

Well, I finally have somewhat of an update to report - though it's not quite the update I'd been hoping to pass along. It's not yet final, but it's close. Narasimha and I have decided not to pursue adoption at this time. It has been about a month of pushing pretty hard, and getting educated, and we just aren't at peace with what we're finding out. As I'm sure you can imagine, this decision was not come on easily, nor is it easy to say (and do). We're pretty bummed - but it's ok. I will try to post an update in the next week or so as to how we got here. We are fairly discouraged about the whole not being parents thing, but I am actually more at peace now and with this decision than I have been since we started. And, thankfully, Narasimha and I seem to be on the same page with that. Sorry for the lack of detail - it'll come. I just have to sort this all out and mourn a little. Thanks to all of you who have offered encouraging words and prayed for us thus far - you are appreciated!

Decisions

This is a prayer request. If you pray, and if you remember, please pray for us:

We are at a crossroad in this adoption. There are decisions to be made regarding how we proceed from here. I am not going to give many details but these decisions overlap all of the following at least a little bit: our testimony, our conscience, right and wrong (maybe), relative ease vs. frustration and annoyance, trusting God, our child, health and illness, legal procedures, timelines, our desire (for a family), finances and stewardship, cultural differences, and a lot of the unknown.

We still need to talk to our Indian lawyer, but over the last few days we have come up with some very clear paths that we could follow with our adoption from this point forward. As you can likely see by the list above, we have some decisions to make. And truly, we're having a hard time deciding which path we should pursue. There are no black and white, right and wrong answers here. The only way I can even figure to pray at this point is for a clear path to follow and discernment. And, we're at the point where we need to be making decisions to even go any farther with the process.

Please pray that we would make the "right" decision and then that we will have peace with whatever comes from it. Not the decision that would make us happy or give us what we think we want, but that we would be able to make decisions knowing that we are first and foremost interested in honoring our God in all we do. And if we can acquire a child while honoring God in these decisions, that a child would come to our family in His way and His time.

If you have any words of advice, PLEASE feel free to share (seriously).

Moving Forward

Yesterday's meetings went very well. We got some questions answered and we feel satisfied with the services to be offered by both of the people we met. The lawyer actually told us that his input will be minimal and we probably really don't need him as much as we think we do.

The issue mentioned in yesterday's post regarding the health of the future child is not resolved. We have thrown around some ideas as to how we should proceed from here - some more valuable than others. It seems like it could work, but we still don't know. We will likely know more when our Indian lawyer gets off vacation and we can chat with him. I am convinced that THE ONLY way this is going to work without an agency is that we have family in India - without contacts in the country we would not be able to do this. My family on both sides of the ocean is excited about this adoption which makes me so happy! I don't know that there's anything more important in a situation like this than the support of family and friends who care about you. And, as a side note - thanks so much to those of you who comment and send notes our way - notes of encouragement and that you're praying for us in this. It absolutely does make the process and frustrations more manageable! Please know your efforts are appreciated.

And, we've decided, after advice from others and talking to each other, that a home study is necessary no matter what. So, our home study is underway. We got the fingerprint cards and the background checks will likely be started by the end of this week. Meetings soon to follow. We're moving forward. I gotta get this house cleaned up! Those smoke detectors need to make their way to the ceiling... :) Any advice from any of you who may have been here?

One Step Forward...

And about six steps back. That is how the last week has felt. Not to be negative, but it truly seems like every time we get a small piece of good news, it's followed by several "pieces" of not-so-good news. And sorry for not updating sooner. I've kinda been on system overload and haven't really known what to say. And, I've been on the phone for about forever this last week. Again, getting alternating good and bad news. Here's some of what's been going on since my last post:

- I filled out most of the I-800A by myself. After getting most of it filled out, there are 3 lingering questions. One is regarding Narasimha's citizenship, and if America will allow a child to be placed in our care with the potential instability of our home in that regard. I am fairly certain that we can at least make a case for having a stable enough environment in which to raise a child. The second is if the person I found for our home study is good enough for USCIS. The third is whether or not we are required to go through an agency to complete the adoption. More on the second 2 to come below.

- We need to do a home study. That is the next part of our process. The Indian Government needs it to process the paperwork that they already have in their hands. That rule has changed recently on their part. We also need a completed home study to turn in our "Application for eligibility of potential adoptive parents" or I-800A to the US Govt. So we need that next - if we decide to proceed - independent of everything else. And last week I called around and searched on websites for someone to do a home study. There is a State of Iowa website, and I looked through the providers on the list of "Adoption Service Providers" and found the name of a person who lives pretty close to us. I called him, and he is an extraordinarily nice and helpful man. More about him and his helpfulness later. He is very relaxed and seems to know his stuff, and was on the phone very supportive of our situation. I was thanking God to have found such a great guy to have on our side. However, now it looks like the US Govt won't recognize a home study done by him. After I found that out I called the State of Iowa, and the lady I talked to knew him by name and said he's one of the best and he's been doing this for years and years and years. He's told me a few times that he's 68, and he implies he's been doing this his whole life. So if we can proceed with him there will be formalities to get around, but there's still hope (in this regard)...

- We would like to do this adoption as "independents," or, without the help of an adoption agency. And the person I found for the home study (above) says he doesn't see any reason we need an agency's help. We have contacts both in America and India, and it's time-consuming to do all this yourself, but we were going to give it a shot. Not to mention, I've heard and researched a little, the average cost of an adoption from India to go through an American agency is upwards of $20,000 (sometimes up to $45,000!). If we managed to do it ourselves, I am starting to think we could get by with spending half, or less, than that. Granted, the headaches and frustrations will likely be intense. I can now see, after my week on the phone, why people do choose to go with an agency. These agencies know what they're doing and have the process streamlined. But when dealing with India, after some information I've found out very recently, I think we with our contacts in India might have in some ways better info than the agencies do. Not to mention, and this is not at all intended to be an insult to India, but rather just the way it is, I think dealing with a country where knowing people and bribery rule the land, an agency might actually slow us down. Anyways, the I-800A is written such that it seems mandatory to have an agency represent you. I have found some information on a Federal website that says it's just "strongly recommended." Still no definitive answer there.

- We are going to need, especially if we proceed without the help of an agency, a few good lawyers to help us through. One in each country. The home study man recommended the name of a good lawyer in the area. I called him, and he was not interested in helping us, but gave us the name of a person nearby who we're meeting this afternoon for an initial consultation. My family in India has a lawyer who is currently representing them with an unrelated issue to our adoption (actually the prayer request has been listed in the side bar for several months now) but they all seem to think this lawyer is the guy for us. Apparently he's one of the best lawyers for family-related issues in all of Hyderabad. Unfortunately he's on vacation right now. So my brother-in-law (who is also an Indian- and American- trained lawyer) is going to try to contact him as soon as he returns. We need to talk to him asap because one of the most pressing issues at this point (besides the home study) is whether or not the Indian Government will allow us to finalize the adoption in India, or whether they will grant us guardianship of a child and we will have to finalize in the States. The answer to this question will affect much of how we proceed from this point. It would be monumentally easier on the American side if we could finalize over there, but our demographics (3 in particular: age, citizenship and religion) may prevent that. Thus the need for the lawyer.

- My brother-in-law's (the lawyer) wife's aunt is very close friends with the director of the orphanage where we submitted our papers. I didn't actually find that out until last night. This in and of itself is very good news. When I said above that much of getting things done in India rests with who you know, I wasn't kidding. We also found out that if you do things "right" and if you know the "right" people it is easy to get a child of any age, even without medical needs, fairly quickly. When my inlaws left the Government office last week after submitting our paperwork they were happy - they were led to believe this would be a quick process. We could have a child by summer, and even a younger child than we thought. All good news. And I know that kinda sounds shady, but it isn't. It's all still legal - we don't want to do anything any other way. And, it's very much the way the country operates. It is what it is. Anyways, so we were feeling pretty good. However (and this is also a blessing, even if it takes longer to see it), the same brother-in-law's wife's aunt that was listed above also has some insider information that we are now thankful we know. She is a child specialist in Hyderabad, working with special needs kids. And this is the info that could be the deal breaker with proceeding with this (and possibly any) adoption at this time: She told us that the kids in this orphanage are not sometimes as healthy as adoptive families are led to believe. Now, there are certain medical conditions that Narasimha and I have talked about, and are willing to accept. And certain things we're not. I am thankful to be married to a physician who can weigh potential risks. And the medical issues that she detailed are things we are not willing to knowingly accept. And more than that, it looks like the Indian government has made it illegal and impossible to test for these issues before an adoption is finalized. It's a don't ask, don't tell, don't actually know sort of situation. And it isn't a small thing. That's all I'm going to say about that. So, my brother-in-law is going to do some more digging and see what he can come up with. I am, however, so thankful God has protected our family and us from proceeding with this adoption without knowing this information until who knows when.

So, where we are now. Well, we have 2 meetings this afternoon. One with the lawyer (mentioned above) and one with the home study guy. However, after finding out this most recent information regarding the health of the children I am not sure where that leaves us. It does seem like if this were really God's plan the path wouldn't be so convoluted and hidden. I don't expect straight and easy, but at least a little light at the end with some things seeming to work together every once in a while would be encouraging. I have about a million questions, and each time I try to answer one thing about 10 more things pop up. Maybe you can see why I feel like I'm "chasing my tail" with this. But, progress is being made, even if not as quickly and efficiently as I'd like. We do not want to schedule our home study without some of these questions answered. A home study is fairly costly and if it's not going to work out in the end, no need to spend that money.

And I would say we've about reached the end of our rope. I don't want to give up early, and trust me, it breaks my heart to say that this might not work. This is no small matter in our lives. However, we can push and push and push, and if the outcome doesn't change then I don't see a reason to do that. I believe that God will show us somehow, clearly, that He has a plan for us and for the growth of our family. I guess there really isn't ever any "bad news" if you can trust God's plan in your life, and I can. And if, after a few meetings today and in the next few weeks, and getting a little more information, it still seems that we can continue, then we will try. Narasimha said last night that we will try to proceed until we find out that it appears that it will absolutely not work. Which, we're almost there, but not quite.

And, if this ends up not working out, I don't by any means think it's the absolute end of our adoption journey. We will, however, likely take time to regroup, pray more, and devise a new plan.

The timeline if this somehow ends up working: Looks like a home study and background checks could be done within a month or month and a half. The processing time on the I-800A form is 90 days, if everything is filled out correctly, which the lady on the USCIS "helpline" said almost never happens. If something is not right then you get to try again. After our I-800A form is approved we can accept the referral of a child. If we can get the Indian Govt to cooperate, it looks like that could happen within a few weeks. Then a few weeks more (and this is the part of the process I'm a little sketchy on) of paperwork and medical tests, etc. Then we can go and take custody and either adopt there or receive guardianship and come home and adopt here. As far as I understand, if this were to work (fairly smoothly), it is not unrealistic to think we could have our child in our arms by summer.

Please pray for us if you think of it today and in the coming weeks.

The Holiday Season

I love celebrating Jesus' birth, but hate how the whole season turns into a mad dash.

I love meditating on Jesus, and reading prophesies and Scriptural accounts of His birth, but detest how I get so swept up in the season as our culture defines it that I hardly make time to open my Bible, let alone meditating on anything.

I love shopping for gifts for people, but hate standing in mile-long lines, often with other worn-out and grumpy shoppers.

I love a season that promotes peace and love, but hate how the very business of the season gives me a headache and turns me into a grump.

I love sending Christmas cards and letters to keep in touch with family and friends, but find searching for addresses annoying.

I love Christmas music, even some of the secular stuff, but find by the end of the season I'm not sad to see it go (especially since some radio starts playing it after Halloween!).

I love decorating for Christmas, but hate that I'm so disorganized and can't find my stuff.

I love receiving Christmas cards and letters. I can't find anything I dislike about that.

I like receiving gifts, but hate hate hate how the celebration of Jesus' birth turns into this materialistic greedy and selfish acquisition of worthless stuff.

I like getting together with family and friends, but hate how I can't stop eating at the get-togethers. :)

I appreciate how every year I seem to get through the season with fond memories and happy pictures and good times, but get disgusted with myself when I vow that the next year will be more organized, more peaceful, and better, and I never follow through.

I don't mind Santa, but detest a culture that chooses Santa over Jesus, and kicks Jesus out of His own birthday party any way they can, and increasingly every single year.

I love Christmas, religiously and culturally, and I always hate to see the season end.

But, right now, I'm loving boring January :)

Submitted!!!

Well, after yesterday's update, I'm not sure if this is even worth mentioning. But I will, because it's been a long time in the making, and if this whole adoption ends up working out then this is monumental!

We sent our paperwork that we prepared for the Indian Government to New Jersey last week so it could go with my brother-in-law on the plane to India. The plan is that then we could have someone hand deliver it to the orphanage. Well, Kris and Keerthi (my bro- and sis-in-law) got to India late last week, so didn't have a chance to take it yet. So last night overnight (day for India) my attayyagaaru (Telugu word for mother-in-law) and Kris took the paperwork and dropped it off. So our paperwork is now in the hands of the Indian Govt. officials. Now we wait. And today I will do more calling to follow up with what was started yesterday.

Speed Bump

We have hit a speed bump, of sorts, in our adoption process. I'll detail what I can.

This morning I got on the US Govt's website to find information to start working through this adoption on an immigration level. I downloaded a form called an I-600A, which is the form I thought I needed. Then I got a number of someone in the State Dept (I think anyways) and called her and left a message. Her name is Thelma and she is in the "Adoption Office." Then I called and found out the location of our local USCIS Field Office, which is in Des Moines. I thought that's where we had to drop off our paperwork once finished. I called a few more people and got a few more numbers, etc. This took up a fair amount of my morning.

In the early afternoon Thelma called back. She informed me that she was new to India (working on Indian adoptions) so she had asked the lady who was previously responsible for India to sit in on our call. I was on speaker phone. They asked what I wanted. I told them I was calling to get some preliminary info and to get a feel for the process. Right away this helper lady of Thelma's started in on me (picture most possible sarcastic tone possible): "Well, you know that there are rules you have to follow." Me: "Yes, ma'am, that's why I'm calling. I don't know what they are. I'm trying to figure out this process."

Every single thing I said she answered with the most sarcastic tone I think she could muster. I told them I had downloaded the I-600A and was starting to look it over. In fact that isn't the form I even need. As of April 1, 2008, the USA and India and a bunch of other countries entered into this agreement at The Hague Conference and so now if Americans want to adopt from one of those countries we have to use form I-800A. The purpose of this is to stop the sale of children, I think specifically for the safety of children. So things like sex trade and using live and healthy orphans for organs (yes, this happens) isn't as easy. So I'm on board. Helpless and uncared for children should not have the potential for those things to happen to them.

Then I asked how it would work since I am a US citizen by birth, and Narasimha is not even a green card holder yet. Oh boy, did this get her going (and it showed me she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does). I told her that Narasimha is on what's called an H-1 visa. She said: "Well, if you're really married, why is he on an H-1 visa?" If she really knew her stuff, she'd have known that, but I patiently explained the whole J-1 visa waiver process that we're in. And then she said "Well, I just really don't see how this is going to work. Someone who isn't an American citizen or even a permanent resident of the US has no right to adopt a child in the US. I've never even heard of a situation like this." Yes, but I'm an American citizen, don't I still have rights? "Well, no, you're married, you have to fill out the forms together."

Somewhere in there I got frustrated. We talked about more stuff. Now I just can't remember what. So, I got back on the internet and downloaded this I-800A form. And I contemplated divorcing my husband so I could adopt a child and then we could get remarried. We could even still live together. We just can't be legally married for this paperwork thing. Just kidding, but only kinda. I can adopt just fine by myself (provided I'm over 21 years old, which I am) but being married to a (legally here) foreigner - nope, not allowed.

So ok, call me naive, but I was hoping this would be fairly easy. It will not be. I knew it wouldn't be without problem, and I knew it would take time. But at this point it's looking like it might not even work.

One thing I do know: If I ever do call Thelma's office back, when I leave a message I'm going to ask her to call me back alone. I'd rather bumble through it with someone who doesn't quite know what's going on rather than Ms. Sarcastic Attitude who made me cry and ruined my day, and still didn't know all the way what was going on.

I guess the silver lining is this: I have been praying God show me if this is what He wants for our family. This problem is not above His control. If He wanted it to work, it would. So, if it doesn't, something isn't right. I can take comfort in that. And I'm trying to, but I'm still sad and I have a headache.

A New Year

It's a New Year, and no better time than that to make some changes in life, right? Well, I am big on lists (part of my slightly obsessive personality) and have always been big on "New Year's Resolutions." However, sometimes when you call them that it seems daunting and cliché. So, this year I am changing my terminology. This year they're just going to be "Goals for '09." We'll see if the lexical swap does anything for my ability to keep up with them ;) Here are a few that I will share:

- Spend time in God's Written Word and prayer every day.
- Run at least 1000 miles this year (and possibly marathon #2).
- Be more organized on all fronts. Get my house clean and then keep it that way most of the time. Be ready for company at the drop of a hat. Get in a daily routine and stay in it. Make meal plans and stick with them. Sort through every single piece of paper in my house and either put it in it's place, or pitch it (which means I have to establish a lot of "places.") Clean out all the closets - and get rid of the junk! You get the idea. This will be a lot of work, but SOOOOO worth it!
- I don't have a pound goal. I never do. However, I would like to work out more consistently and eat a much healthier diet than we do. I figure if I do those 2 things, the pounds take care of themselves.
- Read more - "business" and pleasure ;)
- Possibly pursue more schooling - that'll be something to think about.
- Work on amending my lingering personality flaws. There are many. They are annoying and unacceptable, though I seem to accept them and they persist through thick and thin. If you know of something I should be working on, you should tell me so I can :)
- Either pick up a new and exciting pastime, or spend more time doing things that I call hobbies - like playing trumpet, scrapbooking, learning a few languages, training my dogs, etc.

I'm sure there are more, but I'm tired. And that's a decent start. Does anyone have any they care to share?

Let's see, just for fun, how I did with the resolutions I posted at the beginning of '08.

#1: "Taking better advantage..." - I didn't do as well as I had hoped, though it wasn't a total failure. Certainly nothing to be proud of.

#2: "Manifesting more attributes..." - Again, I feel like progress was made. However, not as much as I would have liked. I'll have to keep working on both of these in 2009.

#3: "Giving of myself..." - I tried. I can think of things I did which were a step in the right direction, though I don't know if I can always claim pure motives and thoughts. Another work in progress...

#4: "Being 'better'..." - Progress was made. I'm certainly not perfect.

#5: "Getting more prepared..." - I hope so. I have no way to measure this. So we'll have to say maybe and leave it at that.

#6: "Getting organized..." - Well, judging by what I said my goal was for '09 I'm going to have to say I didn't do all that well with it in '08. Not a great track record. I made a little progress, but not nearly enough. Try again.

#7: "Learning..." - Nope. I didn't. Not any of them. Hardly worked on them. Another to try again.

#8: "Reprioritizing..." - Well, I suppose I did to a certain extent. I'll have to keep working here too.

#9: "Keeping in touch better..." - Actually, I did do a little better at this one in '08. I'm happy - I love my family and friends.

#10: "Getting in shape..." - Well, I did, and then I got back out. So I get to start over. But I did get that first marathon done.

#11: "Training my dogs..." - Unfortunately not as much as I'd have liked. They're all fairly well behaved, but there could be work to do if I made myself do it. Just another thing to keep plugging away at...

Well, that was a humbling little exercise. Do you do any sort of annual personal inventory? It's humbling, and a little encouraging. I have a lot of work to do!

Progress (FINALLY!)

I have some exciting news: we have our first "progress" with our adoption to announce in a long time. Last night we finished the paperwork to submit to the Indian Government, and today I put it in the mail. Narasimha's brother and his wife leave for India from the East Coast in a few days, and we thought it would be better to send it with people versus in the mail if possible. So we buckled down and finished the packet, and right now it's on the way to New Jersey. In a few days it will be on the flight to India as part of carry-on luggage. Then my brother-in-law will hand deliver it to the orphanage for us. It's not a huge start, but with our snail pace I'll be happy with anything!

Please be in prayer: the situation in India that I've had in my prayer request list in the sidebar for several months now is not completely resolved. And, it could still very much affect our progress. Please pray for those whose lives are affected there (my in-laws) and that God would allow further adoption progress for our family as He sees fit. Of course we want a child now, but if God makes it clear that His plan is for us to wait even longer, then that is what we will do with peaceful and thankful hearts with grace God alone can give.

From here: We need to be preparing for our homestudy. We have no timeline for this as of now. I also need to be researching the immigration issue from an American standpoint. My initial thought is that it will be harder to get our child into our country (and home) than it will be to have one placed in our care.

Digital Camera Flub Update

This post is to follow the blurb I had at the bottom of my post from Christmas Day. If you don't have a digital camera, or if you have a digital camera and know your stuff, or if you're already bored reading this, this post isn't for you ;)

So...here's what happened on Christmas. Our camera is a few years old, and we have always liked its performance (it's a Canon SD800 IS, if you're interested). However, recently, some of the shots have been a little blurry, or the lighting is a little weird, or whatever. So after the Christmas Day festivities Narasimha was absent-mindedly messing with the settings to see if he could figure out why these annoying things were going on. I think he was tired after the long day, and he happened upon the option to "format card." To say the least, the meaning of this action is lost on me. However, Narasimha says even now that he knew this was bad. He scrolled from the preset function of "no" to "yes" and pushed enter. Immediately the camera screen said "no files found." Which is bad. 2 seconds earlier we had several hundred pics saved on our disk. And they were all gone in an instant. He tried to retrieve the pics, and even downloaded some free retrieval software from the internet. Nothing worked. He found the number of a company who specializes in retrieving lost stuff, but when he called first thing Friday morning found out they were closed for the holiday until Monday. However, what he found out on the website was that there was some special reading software you could buy for $75, and if that didn't work, you could send your card to them and they would try to get it off for between $75-200-ish. Ouch. And, we weren't sure we'd get our disk back if we had to send it to them, and those are pretty spendy as well. Not to mention, no guarantees of success.

So we waited over the weekend, and Narasimha called first thing this morning. He talked to a guy who said it sounded like if anything would work, this thing called a "reader" (or something like that) would do it. No use sending it in. It looked for some reason like the computer wasn't reading our files (are you lost yet, because I was a while ago...). So we went to Staples this afternoon, and bought this like $15 thing. And it worked for the most part - Yay!!! Some of the pics have like inverted colors, and we're missing some we think, and some of them only load like half way for whatever reason. But I think we have about 90-ish% of our pics in tact. We're very thankful!

A few things we walked away from this now knowing: First, memory cards have a "lock" function. I knew that, but never used it before. This is good because you have to "unlock" (with the push of a little lever thing) to be able to do anything to your card besides add to it (so take pics, etc.). It's probably a little annoying and cumbersome at times, but it safeguards against accidental slips. Also, if anything (camera, computer, etc.) has technical functions with preset answers - you tell it to do something and it brings up 2 answers, no and yes for example, and one of them is highlighted - the one that is highlighted is generally the "right" answer unless you know what you're doing, or you're actually trying to do something specific. Our whole problem would have never happened had Narasimha went with the preset answer "no" for his little disk formatting escapade. This may seem obvious to some or all of you, but I am what you would call technologically challenged, and these little reminders will likely be helpful to me in the future.

Any suggestions or things to add? I hope this never happens to any of you.

*Note (as of 12/30): Locking the card doesn't actually work. When the card is locked (at least the one we have) it won't take or delete pics or make formatting changes. So nevermind that "advice" from above.